Depression

[WickedHo]

Well, it is important that you're made aware of how fantastic you are. And how deserving of love and kindness you are.

[Gen X EJC]

Geez, we're a cheery lot!

Depression and anxiety issues here too. I'm waiting to go back to the doctor and get my anxiety meds increased cause they ain't doing nutthin at the mo. It's buspirone or something like that. Seems like it will be nice when I have enough of it. My last doctor had me taking lorazepam, which is in the same family as valium and xanax and such, but they are apparently rather short lasting. The lorazepam did NOTHING for me, but I read that it's meant mostly for panic attacks, which I don't have (just GAD and OCD). Depression wise I've always taken Prozac and it's worked very well. Lucky for me I found the free state clinic here and am getting my medication taken care of, since I'm currently unemployed (because of the mental issues).

I definitely recommend medication for anyone who's still scared, there are so many that you can try a variety and find out what works best for you. I've certainly never felt like a zombie on Prozac. It took me several years to admit that I needed pills but once I started it was like, 'whoa! I don't feel suicidal on a regular basis! That's so weird! I think I'll stay this way '.

Therapy can be helpful but for me it's a challenge to find therapists who will call me out on my bullshit. I use humor as a MAJOR defense mechanism, and I've had about two therapists who would stop when I cracked a joke. The rest of the therapists I've seen don't seem to have any inkling when I avoid/lie/etc. I actually found group therapy to be WAYYYYY better than individual therapy because there was a strong bond of togetherness and mutual support there.

Another thing I found out about myself recently is that I seem to have Avoidant Personality Disorder, which explains why I have a hard time being intimate and trusting with people, and also explains why therapy did very little for me. AvPD's are basically like therapy killers. There's a really good website, Avoidant Personality Disorder Home ( AvPD ) that has some personal stories that when I read shocked the hell out of me because they were so identifiable!! Unfortunately you can't really medicate PD's so I'm somewhat at a loss until I get some heath insurance!

[Reptillycus]

Honey, Sojita, I will dream for you tonight. Prayers...

Gen X, never heard of AvPDs, have to check it out. Don't always trust the Shrink's Definitions, they are always changing them...

Lily, your Monsters were my Demons...take care...

[Honey]

^ That's very sweet of you, I'm touched

Had my 5th session today, feel better after I have one <3

[AliceInWonderland]

wow Gen X, i think i have/had a friend w/ APD. sounds frustrating.

[t13nif]

Sigh... so much depression, it's sad, lol! My family history is pretty involved. Both my paternal grandparents, my dad and his sister, my cousin and my sister have had depression, anxiety and/ or bipolar. My sister has been very sick with bipolar. She got really depressed last winter, got on a new meds combination and was doing really well, but my mom just informed me that she is apparently really depressed again. She has also been suffering a mystery illness for the past year, with severe eye pain, ptosis, cluster headaches, balance and cognitive issues. No one knows what is wrong.

For myself, i started getting depressed and cutting at age 14. First started counselling at age 16 /17? Counselling was horrific--predatory counsellors. I first went on anti-depressants in '91 and have been on prozac for 14 years. In spite of the meds i have had several major depressions over the years, the last one and probably the worst, this past spring. My doctor added a mood-stablilizer as i am at risk for bipolar and i have felt soo much better.

It's a demon. I lost one of my best friends to suicide from bipolar and i am scared for my sister. I also have anxiety and i feel that is worse than depression (for me). I am grateful that so far i have responded to meds.
Exercising and being outdoors helps a GREAT deal. Avoiding negativity is also key for me--i am a news junkie and i have found that when i don't watch the news/ read the papers, i feel better. I still hear about anything major but i miss all the daily depressing stories.
Thanks everyone for sharing. We are survivors and only someone who has been there can really understand. xoxoxo

[Gen X EJC]

t13 - know how ya feel about avoiding depressing things. I always tell people I only watch comedy and action movies because there's no point in paying to see dramas - I already feel depressed for free!

Alice - thanks, it definitely is frustrating. I got off lucky because I'm not really shy but I manage to be fucked up in the head all the same. Ah well, it keeps me on my toes!

Reptillycus - hm true dat but I've always found that psychiatry books give me a good grounding to go from. Like at least I can see what problems I do have - and sometimes even ones I don't. It's like, 'okay, no paranoia, I'm not like Britney... no narcissistic famewhoring, I'm not like Lindsay... no heroin, I'm not like Angelina...'

[Sojiita]

The thing to remember when dealing with crap like depression or anxiety is that you cannot give up because you never know what the future has in store for you. Things can change, new medicines can change lives..body chemistry changes with time and sometimes the problems mellow out..you can find the perfect therapist...you just do not know-great changes for the better can be just around the corner so you cannot give up.

[Honey]

Just popping in to spread some love

[AliceInWonderland]

you're right Soj. its just so hard when you have suicidal thoughts...but you're right, things change and you've got to have hope.

[pacific breeze]

Originally Posted by Sojiita

The thing to remember when dealing with crap like depression or anxiety is that you cannot give up because you never know what the future has in store for you. Things can change, new medicines can change lives..body chemistry changes with time and sometimes the problems mellow out..you can find the perfect therapist...you just do not know-great changes for the better can be just around the corner so you cannot give up.

I could not agree with this more. I like this saying by the Roman poet Ovid:

Everywhere chance reigns,
Just cast out your line and where you least expect it,
There waits a fish in the swirling waters.

[Honey]

One of my favourite poems

Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.

Dorothy Parker

[pacific breeze]

Dorothy is one of my all-time faves along with Oscar Wilde.

[Gen X EJC]

Group pact, no one committ suicide this week!

(well except for maybe Lindsay Lohan... is that wrong???)

[pacific breeze]

I'm feeling great, better than I have in years. I am trying to focus on the future, and it looks pretty good at the moment.