5 Celebrity excuses that we all laugh at!

[AliceInWonderland]

Top 5 Celebrity Excuses that we all laugh at!

"I'm Sick": Lindsay Lohan most recently topped the list of celebs whose sudden trips to the hospital raised more than a shred of speculation. But these convalescences have become such a frequent occurrence that the list of ailing A-listers is nearly endless. Sometimes these are legit-sounding (Bo Bice's surgery) and sometimes they become fodder for doubting Thomases (Michael Jackson's pajama episode). What makes the difference? Timing, of course. And whether their outpatient treatment includes trips to "TRL" or the strip-club circuit, as Lohan's reportedly has.

"I'm Tired": Exhaustion seems to be an even bigger problem than back woes or unexpected food poisoning. It's become so much an excuse du jour that it invites speculation, even when it's totally legitimate. (After all, if a Japan visit wore out Bush Sr., why not Ashlee Simpson?) Maybe the skepticism comes from the usual pairing of exhaustion and rehab, combinations claimed both by Eminem and Colin Farrell. Given that, you have to credit the candor by Kate Moss, who when faced with evidence of her drug use, 'fessed up and headed straight for treatment.

"We're Working It Out": Not exactly "Profiles in Courage," but hats off to Us Weekly for sticking to its guns that Nick and Jessica were on the rocks -- until, finally, the magazine was proved right. Among all non-denial denials, shattered nuptials may be the most frequent topic. Sometimes, of course, celeb couples are trying to work things out, as with Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards. But the fact that gossip reporters are now on mandatory Ring Finger Watch is a sign of just how overused this tactic has become. Or maybe a sign of our fruitless desire to believe that true love exists in Hollywood.

"My Career Is Set to Skyrocket": Being a mainstay of the gossip pages and actually having steady gigs are two very different things. Paris Hilton would be the poster child, but she was a socialite first, an Internet smut diva second and an actress/reality star third, so she actually created a career out of thin air. But if Tara Reid and Wilmer Valderrama presumably got into the game to act, their marquee options seem more distant by the day. And Kevin Federline's attempted recording debut is apparently grinding to an ear-shattering halt that would put Pavarotti to shame. If they don't watch out, "My Surreal Life" could be next.

"They Love Me in Europe!": If director Roman Polanski pioneered this move, Madonna perfected it -- though her "Confessions On a Dance Floor" is finally resonating on both sides of the pond. Johnny Depp, too, has such a fond place in American hearts that his decision to live in France strikes us as a bit snooty. Sometimes a Continental approach pays off: Mariah Carey boosted her prospects for "The Emancipation of Mimi" with some overseas buzz. More often, it doesn't. Kevin Spacey taking a London theater job strikes a blow for art, but makes us far less likely to forgive him for "Beyond the Sea."

By Jon Bonné, Lifestyle Editor

Exhaustion my ass!

[Grimmlok]

And Kevin Federline's attempted recording debut is apparently grinding to an ear-shattering halt that would put Pavarotti to shame.

*channeling Cartman*

" Yes! Yesss!! Oh, let me taste your tears, Kevin! Mm, your tears are so yummy and sweet! Oh, the tears of unfathomable sadness! Mmmmm mmmm yummy!"