In Reverse order.....
7 The Pappy Won't Do Nappy award: Donald and Melania Trump
"She loves doing it!" the New York Post quoted The Donald, 60, as saying about his wife's supposed passion for changing son Barron's diapers. She'd better, because this high-powered papa does not do Pampers; in fact, the man with the world's most famous comb-over admitted that he couldn't recall reaching for a single diaper or wipe in all his days as a dad (and he's father to five!). We're sure Melania, 36, hasn't flipped the Diaper Genie lid too many times -- she has a full-time baby nurse, of course. But to her, for putting up with such behavior, and her husband, for doling it out, we serve up a stack of smelly ones.
6 The Daddy Got a Better Offer award (part 2): Dean McDermott
Could anyone fault McDermott, 39, for jilting his family -- wife of 12 years Mary Jo Eustace, son Jack, 7, and now 1 ½-year-old daughter Lola, whom the couple had adopted just weeks before his departure -- to marry Tori Spelling, 33, last May and impregnate her shortly thereafter? "I'd always had a crush on [Tori], ever since 90210," he told PEOPLE in a postnuptial interview. "It was difficult, of course," he added, about choosing his made-for-TV-movie costar over the missus and children. For having such AWOL gall, the C-list actor unseats Kevin Federline (now Britney's Fed-Ex), last year's winner of this trophy.
5 The It's Time to Bone Up on Child Safety award: Britney and Brad (tie)
The reigning queen: Britney Spears, 25, nailed by the media not once but twice (oops!) for driving with son Sean Preston inadequately restrained in a car seat. In February, she was seen holding the then 4-month-old in her lap while gunning down the highway. In May, Brit strapped SPF in his seat but facing the wrong way.
The runner-up: Brad Pitt, 42, spotted in Namibia in May bicycling with his kids Maddox, 5, and Zahara, 22 months. While tricycle-riding Maddox was properly geared, Zahara lacked a helmet and closed-toe shoes, and was strapped to daddy Pitt's back in a not-so-protective papoose. The safer choice: a child trailer.
4 The Adopt a Better Attitude award: Michael Douglas
Though he's since claimed his remarks were taken out of context, the aging sex symbol bad-mouthed Brad Pitt in the April '06 issue of GQ. "I don't know about [him], leaving that beautiful wife [Jennifer Aniston] to go hold orphans for Angelina. I mean, how long is that going to last?" Pitt, meanwhile, seems to be an almost perfect parent (no-bike-helmet incident aside) to his and Jolie's three kids. We award Douglas, 62, and a dad himself, a big pile of wet Pull-Ups for his loose-lipped lack of multiculti family compassion.
3 The Mutant Metabolism award: Heidi Klum
In December 2005, 12 weeks after her son, Henry, was born, the genetically stacked German supermodel, 33, triggered ab and glute envy in moms everywhere when she confidently strutted down the Victoria's Secret catwalk in a glowing bra-and-thong duo. Such a bounce-back is nothing short of a miracle, and those of us who lack Klum's freakishly svelte genes may take as many months to shrink as we did to swell -- and that's normal, healthy, and good! We nw return, unashamed, to our full-coverage briefs and our pints of Ben & Jerry's.
2 The Can't Breastfeed? You Suck! award: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
Studies show that breast milk is best for babies, but even the most devout lactivists among us winced when we saw the government-sponsored national breastfeeding awareness campaign liken not nursing to riding a mechanical bull and logrolling while pregnant. The guilt-inducing comparison stung, especially for women whose breastfeeding troubles and work demands make the nipple not-so-viable. We should be supported in our breastfeeding efforts, not bullied into them.
1 The Stinkiest Diaper of the Year goes to Public Poop-Slingers Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen
We might feel sorry for Richards, 35, and Sheen, 41, who've allowed blistering details of their crashed-and-burned marriage to reach the tabloids -- except we're so concerned for their daughters. How will Sam and Lola deal when they're old enough to read their parents' stomach-turning "she-said, he-said" -- including Richards' allegations that Sheen trolled websites featuring "pigtails, braces, and no pubic hair" and posted pics of his penis online? For failing to keep the dirty laundry a little more private, we present the sorry pair with a truckload of soiled diapers. "Lots of people have the common sense to kill it off before it ever gets public," divorce attorney Raoul Felder told Showbiz Tonight. "This did not happen here."
I'm appalled about the breastfeeding campaign (number 2); not because they tried to promote breastfeeding but due to its tactlessness! My best friend had a baby this year and wasn't lactating and they still tried to make her breastfeed (for 2 days!)... result? Frustrated mum & v hungry baby!