More Jessica/Papa Joe Simpson + Nick Lachey blather and crapola

**Grimmlok** · October 18th, 2006, 12:00 PM

Is Nick Lachey, who last week told David Letterman that he and Jessica Simpson "have handled [the split] about as well as we possibly could under the microscope that we're under," still harboring a wee bit of resentment towards his ex?

That's the word from the New York Daily News, which says the good-guy crooner has been taking jabs at his beleaguered former wife onstage.

During a recent show at the Borgata Hotel in Atlantic City, N.J., Nick reportedly capped off his autobiographical post-breakup ditty "I Can't Hate You Anymore" by quipping to the crowd, "Well, maybe just a little."

An eagle-eyed spy adds to the paper that Lachey's current ladylove, Vanessa Minnillo, "sang along to every one of Nick's songs, even 'Do It for You,' after which Nick proclaimed, 'I did it for her, too, but she didn't give a damn.'"

As for Jessica, she's opening up to Jane magazine about ditching Nick, revealing she made the decision during a solo trip to Kenya in October 2005 with Operation Smile, a charity that helps children with facial deformities (the goodwill tour tellingly coincided with the duo's third -- and last -- wedding anniversary).

The plump-lipped, coif-challenged starlet says seeing the sick kids made her realize she wanted something different out of life, which apparently meant less Lachey and more underperforming albums ("A Public Affair"), movies ("Employee of the Month") and embarrassing tabloid headlines ("Dumped!").

Simpson does show some self-awareness in discussing her dating prospects, admitting she's concerned guys won't ask her out because they're worried about sullying their reputations.

But she offers potential suitors a strong incentive to take a chance on her: They might get lucky.

Jess, in a revelation that will likely send her constantly hovering dad-manager-puppetmaster Joe Simpson into a rage blackout, says she's all for sex before marriage, but warns it'll only happen if she's known the wooer for "a really long time."

And finally, if you have a strong stomach for syrupy ballads, you should check out Jessica's new video, which makes a not-so-subtle allusion to her very public parting of ways with Nick.

In "I Belong to Me," Simpson emotes her little heart out as she mopes around in her underwear and hacks off her hair in an apparent act of female empowerment, all while baying dramatically, "I belong to me/I don't belong to you/My heart is my possession/I'll be my own reflection."

We recommend watching with a family-size bottle of Pepto ...

http://entertainment1.sympatico.msn....alk.htm?isfa=1

Blah de blah blah, does anybody care about these weirdos?

**Bellatheball** · October 18th, 2006, 12:23 PM

^^ Um, no, not so much.

I'm just bored.

**MrsDark** · October 18th, 2006, 12:26 PM

Too bad she wasn't this horny when she was married!

**southernbelle** · October 18th, 2006, 12:48 PM

Actually, it wasn't a solo trip to Kenya. Papa Joe was there, too, and I'm sure he was browbeating her into leaving Nick the whole time.

**Elise** · October 18th, 2006, 12:58 PM

Originally Posted by MrsDark

Too bad she wasn't this horny when she was married!

Maybe Nick was just bad in bed??

**MrsDark** · October 18th, 2006, 01:04 PM

How would she know the difference? Unless he did something horrifically abusive to her sexually IMO this chick hadn't even had enough sex or been having sex long enough to know what good sex is! Even though she has a few more notches on the bedpost now, I still have my doubts.

Even if there was room for improvement on Nick's part, If I had to guess who was the lamer lay, I'd put my money on Miss spoiled and whiny who was probably only good at that tried and true "rationing out the pussy (according to how often I get my way!)" technique.

**buttmunch** · October 18th, 2006, 01:13 PM

The rumor is that she had every kind of sex except vaginal penetration prior to her marriage, meaning she was one of those 'technical virgins' who annoy the crap out of me. There have been a number of blind items about her penchant for anal sex. What a delightful girl.

**Laurent** · October 18th, 2006, 01:19 PM

The plump-lipped, coif-challenged starlet says seeing the sick kids made her realize she wanted something different out of life, which apparently meant less Lachey and more underperforming albums ("A Public Affair"), movies ("Employee of the Month") and embarrassing tabloid headlines ("Dumped!").

Am I just tired or did this make anyone else giggle?

**Elise** · October 18th, 2006, 01:20 PM

Originally Posted by buttmunch

The rumor is that she had every kind of sex except vaginal penetration prior to her marriage, meaning she was one of those 'technical virgins' who annoy the crap out of me. There have been a number of blind items about her penchant for anal sex. What a delightful girl.

Ewww. & what bullshit is that. Oral sex (& anal sex for that matter) is just as, if not more intimate, that vaginal penetration. Why lie to yourself & everyone else????

I sometimes wonder if Nick & Jessica had sex before marriage.

**MrsMarsters** · October 18th, 2006, 01:47 PM

well I always thought putting someone's penis in your mouth was pretty intimate..

**buttmunch** · October 18th, 2006, 02:01 PM

I agree. oral or anal sex is much more intimate and demands much more trust. As far as whether or not they had vaginal penetration before sex, who knows. I do remember the hideous interview she gave Vanity Fair talking about losing her virginity on her honeymoon and calling her mother up from wherever the honeymoon was to talk about it. Nice.

**GoldDust77** · October 19th, 2006, 12:30 AM

Originally Posted by Laurent

Am I just tired or did this make anyone else giggle?

You aren't the only one, Laurent! This made me laugh out loud too:

The plump-lipped, coif-challenged starlet says seeing the sick kids made her realize she wanted something different out of life, which apparently meant less Lachey and more underperforming albums ("A Public Affair"), movies ("Employee of the Month") and embarrassing tabloid headlines ("Dumped!").

Too funny...And i love the part in the article where it describes her singing in her latest (suck-fest) song as "braying dramatically".

--BWAHAHA!!--That's exactly what Messica sounds like: a braying donkey!--A "coif-challenged" braying donkey with "underperforming albums & movies".

**vballchica134** · October 19th, 2006, 12:38 AM

Originally Posted by southernbelle

Actually, it wasn't a solo trip to Kenya. Papa Joe was there, too, and I'm sure he was browbeating her into leaving Nick the whole time.

I hate how she's trying to make it seem like some Angelina Jolie "The trip had such an effect on me, I was really able to look inside myself and I realized Nick just wasn't right for me" thing. Yeah right. It's not like she got home and filed for divorce ... she decided to take the trip to Italy first.

**ediebrooks** · October 19th, 2006, 12:43 AM

Help. I'm overdosing on this Simpson crapola. Stop the madness.

**Chilly Willy** · October 19th, 2006, 07:30 AM

Originally Posted by buttmunch

The rumor is that she had every kind of sex except vaginal penetration prior to her marriage, meaning she was one of those 'technical virgins' who annoy the crap out of me. There have been a number of blind items about her penchant for anal sex. What a delightful girl.

Also Ted casablanca had a very obvious blind item about her being majorly into salad tossing. Sorry, I just had to throw that in.