Lindsay Lohan's mother Dina tells you how to pimp out your kids.

[buttmunch]

The latest issue of Star reports that the alpha bitch of showbiz moms, Dina Lohan, is writing a tell-all. Aimed at mothers who want to transform their innocent, talented children into floozy cash-cows, the book will be a guide to pimping and pushing your womb into a lucrative brand. Lohan tells Star’s David Caplan (awkwardly pictured):

“I get so much mail each week from people asking me for advice. They ask me how I did it, they ask me how to find a good agent. I get hundreds of questions each week, so I just figured, instead of answering every question, I’ll put it in a book and help people.”

Dina said of the book, which she says is nearly written, “It’s basically how to manage and how this all happened. It’s about avoiding pitfalls. It’s really to help other people. I learned something and I want to share it. And people want to know.”
Among other things, Dina’s shared knowledge includes a cheatsheet for tin-and-foil highlights, a handy lexicon of street dealer slang, and, by popular demand, a guide to understanding Wilmer Valderrama’s netherregions.

Star Exclusive: Lindsay’s Mom to Write Tell-All [Star]

http://www.gawker.com/

Excellent. Just the information I've been looking for. It's time those kids of mine started paying back all that I've invested in them...

[Laurent]

It’s about avoiding pitfalls.

Cause those Lohans are so qualified to give advice in that area.

by popular demand, a guide to understanding Wilmer Valderrama’s netherregions.

[Grimmlok]

Street dealer slang? What would they be dealing exactly?

[Mel1973]

Who would publish this idiots ramblings??

[Lobelia]

Perfect thread title. Perfect.

[sluce]

I will read this a month after it is released when I find it on the shelves of the dollar store next to Star Jones book, Shine.

[CherryDarling]

^^^^^^^^^^

Totally agree...Dina is ridiculous.

[merri]

ah yes. the dollar store. home of books that make perfect gag gifts.

i wonder what my mother ever did with Vanna White Reading Her Autobiography On Tape?

[LynnieD]

Names of some of the chapters of this 'book':

'Dancing and drinking till 5 am with your 16 yr old at Bungalo 8--on her dime' & ' How to deny deny deny that your child is completely coked outta her brain' & 'Finding a Cosmetic Surgeon that works on WAY too young a patient'......etc.

Should be spellbinding...

[FierceKiten]

Dina also pimped herself out, at Hohan's expense. Her family is outta control, she will have some reason to ditch her mother later on, mark my words.

[Laurent]

Originally Posted by LynnieD

Names of some of the chapters of this 'book'

Asthma: Codenaming Your Various Addiction-Related Hospitalizations

[buttmunch]

Dina also pimped herself out, at Hohan's expense. Her family is outta control, she will have some reason to ditch her mother later on, mark my words.

Oh you are so right. La Lohan probably knows deep down that her mother is using her to grab a bit of spotlight (wasn't she a wannabe actress or similar?) and one day, probably after several stints in rehab, little Lohan will write the mother of all tell-alls (no pun intended)...which will come long after she has shut Mamma Lohan out of her life. Shades of Drew Barrymore, anyone?

[FierceKiten]

Originally Posted by buttmunch

Oh you are so right. La Lohan probably knows deep down that her mother is using her to grab a bit of spotlight (wasn't she a wannabe actress or similar?) and one day, probably after several stints in rehab, little Lohan will write the mother of all tell-alls (no pun intended)...which will come long after she has shut Mamma Lohan out of her life. Shades of Drew Barrymore, anyone?

Exactly!!

[Wonderwoman]

Dina needs serious psychological help.