This OH-SO smacks of the cruel, cruel and all-pervasive conspiracy against the Tominator! This whole fabrication can be unraveled as easily as one of Aunt Eunice's Crochet-O-Matic afghans. Let us "pull a loose thread" or two:
Quote:
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Tom Cruise has always pushed his body to the extreme, and almost killed himself as a child trying to parachute off a garage roof.
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1. Tom, though a god, can no more "push his body" anymore that he can drink himself were he a glass of water. Oops! Forgot! Laws of physics do not apply to non-blinking manic automaton cultists, so this could in fact be true. Man, I'd pay to see that!
2. "Extremes?" I need the means, ratios, and proportions. This is ridiculous! Trying to reduce this magnificent piece of horse flesh to a flawed algebraic equation. Score one for Tom.
3 ". . . almost killed himself. . . ." In that I am almost a doctor, I need to see the "almost coroner's" report on this one before I can form an almost opinion. This one is a wash.
4. "[A]s a a child. . . ." Implication being that he was NOT a child but rather
acting "as a child." Then again, just who is the real Tom Cruise? If someone made amovie about Tom Cruise, Bob Dylan would play him because only an enigma can play an enigma. I don't know what to do with this one--it's like a question wrapped in a riddle wrapped in one of those Russian nesting dolls wrapped in a tortilla wrapped in. . . .
5. ". . . parachute off a garage roof." HIGHLY suspect, that. Where did he get the chute? Did he pack it himself? Did he attend jump school? If so, when and where? Why a garage roof? Whose garage? How did he get on the roof? Was there a "second jumper? Is there 8mm film out there somewhere? "Now, if the "facts" as presented are indeed true, then who witnessed this event? Who allowed him to do this? why was there no "intervention?" Obviously, this story is either a total and complete fabrication or a lost episode of
Jackass. Either way, tragic. Simply tragic.
That said, what do I do with all this "yarn?"
Vi
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