Katie Holmes shilling for Scientology now.

buttmunch · February 3rd, 2006, 10:44 AM

Quote:

Now Pitching for Scientology: Katie Holmes

Well, it's happened. Katie Holmes is now shilling for Scientology.

I told you one year ago this week that I had received an unsolicited gift package in the mail from the Church of Scientology.

It included a personalized, signed note from Tom Cruise, informing me that a donation had been made in my name to the organization.

The package also included a framed set of Scientology lessons to live by. The most memorable was No. 12: Never fear to hurt another in a just cause.

Now I've seen the updated package for 2006, and it's a showstopper. The signed note now comes from Tom and Katie, and it includes both of their signatures.

Like the old letter, this one informs lucky recipients that donations have been made in their names to Scientology and welcomes them to check out all the included materials.

The package also contains a book that has pictures of smiling children and quotations, in large type, from people who would probably be surprised to find themselves in the company of Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard: Kofi Annan and the late Martin Luther King Jr. The quotations are made to seem as if their authors endorse Scientology.

The new Scientology package comes as a brightly-colored cardboard box with many inserts, including a CD and a DVD. The DVD contains a weird music video called "United."

At the end of the video, many disparate people — including Jenna Elfman, Erika Christensen, Isaac Hayes and Catherine Bell of the TV show "JAG" — are all sort of nodding in a trance and clapping along while watching a TV news anchorman and repeating the song's chorus over and over.

It made me drowsy from monotony, but perhaps it has a different effect on others.

I can only imagine what Holmes' parents, devout Catholics and upstanding members of Toledo, Ohio, society, think of all this. But I'm told that Cruise recently bought them a million-dollar home close to his in Beverly Hills so they can be near their daughter when she gives birth to their first grandchild.

The date of this blessed event is said to be sometime around May 5, the day "Mission: Impossible 3" opens worldwide.

fOXNEWS.COM

Jesus. I bet they ask that instead of baby gifts, people should make donations to Scientology. I mean, it can't be easy or cheap maintaining the Celebrity Center.

starry · February 3rd, 2006, 11:02 AM

I hope the king family finds out and sues them.

buttmunch · February 3rd, 2006, 11:16 AM

I wonder how Tom managed to buy off her family. I thought they already had plenty of cash? Perhaps he's put them in a trance, too. I REALLY want to see the video!

GawsipRawksz · February 3rd, 2006, 11:19 AM

all this talk about scientology makes me want to join up!

buttmunch · February 3rd, 2006, 01:02 PM

Let's do it! Anyone else?

Elisa · February 3rd, 2006, 01:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by buttmunch

I wonder how Tom managed to buy off her family. I thought they already had plenty of cash? Perhaps he's put them in a trance, too. I REALLY want to see the video!

I can't help but think a year or two down the road Katie's parents are going to be dishing out on saving her ass from Tom. I can't imagine being a parent and watching helplessly as your unwed, pregnant Catholic daughter is about to enter a whole new world so foreign to you or I.

LynnieD · February 3rd, 2006, 01:42 PM

Her parents must be so proud!

buttmunch · February 3rd, 2006, 01:53 PM

The unwed and pregnant part wouldn't bother me much. It's the joining-the-cult-and-getting-engaged-to-a-veritable-lunatic part that would flip me out.