Supposed contents of Lindsay Lohan's stolen diary pages?

[muchlove]

The other night, Lindsay Lohan lost her diary at Hiro. It was eventually returned, but several pages were ripped out, prompting her lawyers to send a preemptive letter to major gossips, threatening that any publication that chose to run the diary’s contents would face copyright infringement. Blah, blah — sending a letter like that before any details leak out is as good as giving your client a helmet after she already fell off the monkey bars.

The loss of Lohan’s diary presents several questions: What 19-year-old girl still keeps a handwritten diary? Why would Lohan bring this diary out for a night of partying? Is Lohan even marginally aware that she is Lindsay Lohan, and thus should avoid any sort of paper trail? Most importantly, WHAT WAS ON THE MISSING PAGES? According to a someone who claims to know the Hiro bartender who stole the pages, Lindsay was quite prolific. Big fat disclaimer: The following information is paraphrased, and we have no idea if any of it’s true:

- Lindsay had just taken a “©” [Lohan for “blow”?] and felt a little dizzy.

- She contemplates her needs and wants just like all of us pathetic slobs. Unlike us, she wonders whether or not she wants Jared Leto…

- There are issues with the former Jordan Catalano’s, um, member being a bit too large; sex is suffering.

We suppose that last bit is only TMI since Leto’s weight gain. More genius prose after the jump.

- Lindsay likens the size conflict to the feeling of squeezing into tiny Jimmy Choos. [Ed: I swear to fucking God]

- She cites that she is sitting at the bar downing a Blood Mary.

- LiLo mentions she has a bad cough she can’t get rid of.

- Lindsay writes that she and her mother got tats that day: a heart on Lindsay’s hand and a star for mom’s wrist– apparently matching LiLo’s existing star tattoo. This is journalism, people.

- Her sister Lauren called somebody “Hitler”– this merits a swastika illustration in the margin.

- Lindsay recounts that she had a ball at the Kate Spade sale, and our little rich girl is still excited about sale prices. How adorable!


Again, we don’t know how true any of this is; the blogger who documented the above prose claims to have heard it via voicemail from the page-stealing bartender. And while we’re pretty sure that Lohan doesn’t have a sister named Lauren, we do believe that dealing with a big Catalano-cock is like squeezing into $400 stilettos.

gawker

[DeChayz]

Originally Posted by muchlove

[- She cites that she is sitting at the bar downing a Blood Mary.

Who the hell brings their diary to a bar?? "Dear Diary, I just ordered a dirty martini. Now I'm going to drink it." WTF???

[muchlove]

She might carry it around in her purse everywhere, I guess. Lord knows those purses are big enough to carry several volumes.

[Grimmlok]

sending a letter like that before any details leak out is as good as giving your client a helmet after she already fell off the monkey bars.

[feliciakb]

I wouldn't put it past Lindsay to "lose" her diary on purpose for publicity.

[pacific breeze]

I guess this makes me an old-fashioned whatever, but reading someone's diary is going too far.

[Elise]

^^Just like Paris' cell phone getting stolen...

[allthesun]

Maybe you’ve heard– a celebrity lost a diary and said celebrity’s lawyers are shitting themselves trying to supress the dish. Well fuck it. This is goddamn AMERICA. If they can tap my calls, I can post about what LINDSAY LOHAN WROTE IN HER DIARY.
I can’t quote verbatim because I don’t love the first amendment enough to risk fines and jail time for copyright infringement. But I’ll do my best. Because…I love you.
The highlights:

- Lindsay had just taken a “©” [Lohan for “blow” clenbuterol?] and felt a little woozy.
- She contemplates her needs and wants just like all of us pathetic slobs. But unlike us, she wonders whether or not she wants Jared Leto…

- There are issues with the former Jordan Catalano’s, um, member being a bit too large; sex is suffering.
- Lindsay likens the size conflict to the feeling of squeezing into tiny new Jimmy Choos. [Ed: I swear to fucking God]

• • You don’t have to believe me. But you can’t see gravity either, and you still KNOW it’s there, assholes. How I got it, WHO HAS IT NOW, and some considerably tamer entries after the jump…
    
    
    How I got it
    An insider at Hiro. Last week, Sunday, after shooting Chapter 27 with her mans Jared Leto (who looks like a whale right now) in the Matsuri Ballroom, LiLo was boozing it up upstairs at the Cabanas’ Sunday night party amidst a field of homos. Lindz forget her journal on the table and my hot Hiro-ine ripped out a couple pages as a keepsake. But before submitting it to Daily Dish’s Ben Widdicombe Page Six at the Daily News and because he loves me, he read me the contents verbatim into my voicemail. I carefully transcribed.
    More more more
    Lindsay goes on, in bubbly teenage writing, complete with heart-dotted i’s, with the following details:

    - She cites that she is sitting at the bar downing a Blood Mary at 4 PM in the Lower East Side.
    

    - LiLo mentions she has a “bloody” bad cough she can’t get rid of.
    

    - Lindsay writes that she and her mother got tats that day: a heart on Lindsay’s hand and a star for mom’s wrist– apparently matching LiLo’s existing star tattoo. This is journalism, people.
    - Her sister Lauren called somebody “Hitler”– this merits a swastika illustration in the margin.
    - Lindsay recounts that she had a ball at the Kate Spade sale, and our little rich girl is still excited about sale prices. How adorable!
    

Velvet Rope Whore

I guess coke or e for, "- Lindsay had just taken a “©” [Lohan for “blow” clenbuterol?] and felt a little woozy."
And damn, lucky Cameron Diaz for chosing the big boys!

[DeChayz]

Since when does Lindsay have a sister named Lauren?

[ekee]

I call BS.