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Thread: Food At Potlucks--Opinion

  1. #61
    Elite Member MsDark's Avatar
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    What you're saying is one thing, Mel. And I dont entirely disagree. But when you blatantly and boldly take advantage, and do so ALL the time, you can't expect it to go unnoticed. Even by family. But IMO this is exactly what she wants.
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  2. #62
    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
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    I just don't see it as that big of a deal. Yes I despise moochers, but if family comes by I'm gonna feed them, even if they don't even offer me a drink of water when I come by. Prettygirl will probably never refuse to feed a family member, so why get bent about it, let it go.
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  3. #63
    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
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    exactly. My family was in town over the weekend for a graduation. I paid for all the food and did all the preparation/cooking and I did all the cleanup - sent them on their way with leftovers too. Its what family does. Now, if I show up at their house, they would do the same and that does make a difference but even if they didn't...
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  4. #64
    Elite Member LynnieD's Avatar
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    Alright, let me ask you all this, since we all seem to know/be related to someone like PG is talking about:

    Do the moochers/freeloaders/tardy assholes YOU guys know EVER HOST anything themselves? OR, ever initiate a family function or event? Could be a birthday party or whatever.

    Because the one I know (who is 37 yrs old) has never once invited a single person to her house, for ANYTHING, nor ever made a single thing to take to any family get together and still shows up late, etc. Everyone else hosts Thanksgivings/Xmas, BBQ's etc--she has will not. And its not about the size of the house either...

    Just wondering if anyone else sees this and if perhaps its all related...

  5. #65
    Elite Member Lobelia's Avatar
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    Mel, even if they never showed any interest in hanging out with you? Just show up, pig out and run? Every single time for years? To me, it's not about the amount of food, and it's even not so much about the amount of pitching in as it is the disregard for the family.

    I've hosted gatherings where I paid for everything, did everything etc & that was fine. I offered to do it and it made me happy when people enjoyed it. But that's once in a while. The 'regular' family gatherings where everybody contributes are different. It isn't a big deal if once in a while somebody falls short but the same damn pattern every time for years - frankly I'm amazed that some of y'all seem to think that nobody should notice or comment on it. Maybe I'm just taking it the wrong way. Yes, family is family but it should be reciprocal. The person the OP is talking about has the nerve to take her stuff home, she refuses to help in any way and she obviously doesn't care about spending time with the family. Assuming that she's able-bodied and not mentally impaired in some way, her behavior is out of line. I agree that getting upset about it isn't helpful and it's just one of those things that it's best just to let it go, but damln skippy I'm gonna notice it & probably talk some smack about it once in a while. I'm catty like that. I wouldn't call her out in front of everybody, though.
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  6. #66
    Elite Member LynnieD's Avatar
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    Yes, its a complete lack of respect for ANYONE but themselves in my book. At least the relative in my family.
    Its bizarre...

  7. #67
    Elite Member Lobelia's Avatar
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    Lynnie, to be fair, I think that some people are just really nervous at the thought of hosting a large gathering and they think they can't pull it off. Some people have social anxiety and can't handle gatherings well at all, so I kind of understand the get there late/leave early thing. However it doesn't excuse bad behavior while they are there.
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  8. #68
    Elite Member Bellatheball's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LynnieD View Post
    Alright, let me ask you all this, since we all seem to know/be related to someone like PG is talking about:

    Do the moochers/freeloaders/tardy assholes YOU guys know EVER HOST anything themselves? OR, ever initiate a family function or event? Could be a birthday party or whatever.

    Because the one I know (who is 37 yrs old) has never once invited a single person to her house, for ANYTHING, nor ever made a single thing to take to any family get together and still shows up late, etc. Everyone else hosts Thanksgivings/Xmas, BBQ's etc--she has will not. And its not about the size of the house either...

    Just wondering if anyone else sees this and if perhaps its all related...
    Yep. My BIL and SIL have had us over to their house one time in the 6 years they've lived there. We are 4 hours away from the rest of my husband's family and yet we've thrown several birthday parties (Christmas, Halloween parties, TGiving, Baptisms) at our house. There are times when both sides of our families (24 people) will tavel here. Half will stay with us. The other half get hotels. Most of them reciprocate in some way. My BIL/SIL never, ever do. They are far happier to travel and stay on our couch than do something themselves. I don't really care. They're nice people otherwise. I've just learned not to expect them to pitch in or invite us.

    My other SIL drives me insane though. So when she tries to get out of work at a family party, I send all the little kids to find her and tell her she has to watch them while the rest of us clean up. She usually bitches about how long we're all taking. Little does she know, half the time we're enjoying a nice slow coffee at her expense.

  9. #69
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    Mel, I hear you and understand. We've done that ourselves for family members who show up at our house unexpectedly. I do think that is what family does. But, honestly, the comparison just doesn't fit what I think is going on here. She's just not stopping by my house once in a while empty handed. She shows up to all the family parties where we've all agreed to show up with something. Everyone chips in. It doesn't matter if it's a huge casserole or a dinky pie. And a bag of ice or a bag of chips may sound insignificant, but when you need them, we're glad we have it onhand. It does help. So, on her part, at least show some effort you know? Sometimes she does and sometimes she doesn't. But then she wants to take her stuff back when it's not used? lol. I do think it's a little tacky. It's not just offensive to me, believe me, there's at least a dozen other relatives who constantly gripe about her lack of contribution. And about her arriving late, we don't care because our party goes on with out her. It's not like she's the life of the party and we're 'waiting' for her. What we're waiting for is her potluck item so everyone can eat and there be more variety. So when she makes her grand entrance 3 or 4 hrs later with her bag of chips and says 'I'm here' it is obvious. We're like, uh, what for now? Everyone's already eaten and stuffed. Then she wants to walk out with her unopened bag of chips after she's eaten 2 or 3 plates of food? It is a little comical and people come to me asking if Diane even brought anything. Again, I know people are late, we're not clocking people in. But she does it all the time, and by so much. And again, I'm in agreement with everyone else, I know she is going to keep doing it.

    Anyway, about that graduation, it's nice you did that for your family but graduations aren't every month. You said they came into town so they obviously don't do this often. If you had to constantly do it, fork out money over and over again, I highly doubt you'd not say something. You don't come across as some pushover. Well, that's how many of us who organize these family get-togethers feel. It takes a lot of work to do this stuff. Imagine trying to plan a birthday party every month. Everything adds up (plates, cups, paper supples, tableclothes, etc...then the food). Every little bit helps. And it's all appreciated by all. I at least I appreciate it.

  10. #70
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    Quote Originally Posted by PrettyGirl View Post
    But then she wants to take her stuff back when it's not used? lol. I do think it's a little tacky.
    OT but i know someone who demands that everyone brings a shit ton of food and drinks to her parties and then keeps everything and gorges on it for days afterwards. it is a total waste to have that much food to begin with. if i bring a couple bottles of wine and they aren't consumed, i'd take it home with me because basically it was a potluck not her "throwing" a party. i'm not here to stock anyone's bar! this just applies to this particular person though...

  11. #71
    Elite Member Trixie's Avatar
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    I agree with you, Lynnie and Lobelia. I do understand if someone doesn't host parties, some people just aren't into that, but if you're invited as a guest, you do have some obligation if you're gonna show up.

    I have a friend who throws yearly parties. She has a big house and she enjoys cooking and being the hostess. I ALWAYS ask if I can bring anything, sometimes she says yes, sometimes she says no, but if I'm not bringing a dish, I ALWAYS bring a bottle of wine for her and a case of beer for her husband. If they don't drink it, I sure as hell don't take it home!

    We have a mutual friend who has at times come to these parties with her husband, grown son and his date, two teenagers (+ a friend), and they never bring a thing. A few times she's called and said she is bringing a dish, then shows up empty-handed. It's a pattern, and you bet your butt we snark on her for it. Behind her back of course.

    Last year she had a graduation party for her kid, and we made it a point to NOT call and ask if we could bring anything. But of course we showed up and brought her kid a monetary gift, so it's not like we mooched off her like she mooches off everyone else.

    Some people just think that friendship and/or family means they can take advantage. And after awhile, other people get tired of being taken advantage of.
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  12. #72
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    Lynnie, to answer your question, no, my cousin NEVER hosts anything. That I know of, she's never paid for anything either. I've never heard that she's taken any of our other relatives out for lunch or dinner and taken the tab. Not even taken our grandparents out which many of us have done, especially my grandmother when she was alive.

    Fgg, we hardly ever have leftovers. It's usually the paper items. But if we have chips, liters of soda, etc.. left over non-perishable items that we can use, we keep them for the next get-together. We've all been in agreement about that too. Even bags of charcoal, we keep them for the next party. And in our instance we have the reunion in July.

    Trixie, me and you think alike..lol

  13. #73
    Elite Member LynnieD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lobelia View Post
    Lynnie, to be fair, I think that some people are just really nervous at the thought of hosting a large gathering and they think they can't pull it off. Some people have social anxiety and can't handle gatherings well at all, so I kind of understand the get there late/leave early thing. However it doesn't excuse bad behavior while they are there.
    Oh I agree--hell, I don't like hosting big things! But do it anyway and usually it all goes great. No one holds a gun to my head either, so its ultimately just something I feel I *should* do. Not everyone feels that way, and as you said, perhaps doesn't think they can for whatever reason..

    I just think perhaps its all tied in somehow. How there are just certain types of people that show no respect for other people's events (no food/showing up late/eating them out of house & home) and yet THEY can never host anything themselves. It's all very interesting...let everyone else do the work and maybe I'll show up. You know?

    Oh well.

  14. #74
    Elite Member Laurent's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lobelia View Post
    Lynnie, to be fair, I think that some people are just really nervous at the thought of hosting a large gathering and they think they can't pull it off.
    That is so me. I love going to stuff like that and would love to host it, but I'm scared I couldn't pull it off. I get overwhelmed at the idea and say fuck it.

  15. #75
    Elite Member Brookie's Avatar
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    Me too - I rarely host things at my house and I love my house. I'd rather go to yours - and I'll bring lots to it too. I've never been one to host parties.
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