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Thread: Coffee Milkshakes Are Turning Us All into Jittery Rhino-People

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    Elite Member witchcurlgirl's Avatar
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    Default Coffee Milkshakes Are Turning Us All into Jittery Rhino-People

    Coffee Milkshakes Are Turning Us All into Jittery Rhino-People




    Sunday is National Coffee Day, a holiday NBC News would like to observe by telling us all that coffee drinks — our lattes and frappucinos and frothing, caramel-drizzled macchiatos — are slowly turning us into race of jittery behemoths. We will stomp around the world frantically until our hearts explode in our chests and a more prudent species (the lizard people living in our subway tunnels, obviously) inherit the earth after having evolved a helpful aversion to caffeine and pumpkin spice.


    Coffee would make for a fine, fat-burning guzzle if Americans enjoyed it black, maybe with just a packet of sugar or a single non-dairy creamer. Those days, however, are long gone — coffee drinkers now demand that their caffeine delivery system be overloaded with pumpkin spice, peppermint dust, caramel goo, and four gallons of heavy whipping cream. Some of the milkshake-esque offerings at places like Starbucks and Dunkin’ Donuts can have meal-like calorie counts (the Dunkin' Donuts Frozen Mocha Coffee Coolatta with Cream, for instance, contains 1,050 calories, basically all of them coming from sugar and fat, the modern era’s two favorite food groups).


    Indeed, the bitter bean juice our ancestors referred to as “coffee” has changed so dramatically that there may soon be a day in the not-so-distant future when humans believe that coffee tastes like processed pumpkin guts and ice cream. NBC’s report tries to nudge the conscious consumer away from the coffee shake offerings, but it’s a lost cause at this point. We’ve already begun the inexorable transformation from humans to hulking rhinoceros hybrids, each of us buzzing on a caffeine high as we charge headlong through the world, heedless of or looming extinction. Good luck out there, espresso drinkers — you’ll be the first to get stomped.
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    Elite Member MontanaMama's Avatar
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    Coffee, 1/2 & 1/2 no extra sugar necessary. Baristas look at me so oddly when I just order coffee w/ room for cream. Even if it's just a teaspoon of cream, makes all the difference. Otherwise, black, thank you very much.
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    Elite Member Love love's Avatar
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    ^^^I take my coffee with just half and half too. I don't like sweet or flavored coffee and I will never understand the obsession with that starbucks pumpkin thing people are so in love with
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    Elite Member Just Kill Me's Avatar
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    Black coffee here or double cappuccino. My favorite is when I get asked what size I want my cappuccino and if I want it wet or dry; just make the fucking thing, it's fucking basic as can be beyond just getting black coffee or a plain shot of espresso.
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    Elite Member McJag's Avatar
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    I have to have Half & Half inmy coffee.
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    Elite Member Quazar's Avatar
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    Dunkin Donuts Large 1/2 regular 1/2 decaf, cream and 1 sugar. I can't stand any of these flavored coffee drinks. I never get coffee at Starbucks because I don't think they'd understand me if I wanted an actual cup of coffee.
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    Elite Member choozen1ne's Avatar
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    I see people wolf down Venti Frappacinos every day at work ( i work in a store with a Starbucks Cafe' ) I have no idea how anyone can stomach those things without the need of a shot of insulin and a lot of time they are eating a big ass cookie too
    At work I normally get iced coffee with flavor syrup and soy milk and I only do that if I didn't have coffee at home that morning . My normal coffee is a 20oz cup with spalsh of 1/2 and one teaspoon of sugar

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    Elite Member faithanne's Avatar
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    I hate coffee! Nothing coffee flavoured passes my lips, I don't even like hazelnut because it tastes too much like coffee. I drink tea - black and strong, no sugar. Puts hairs on your chest! I'll also drink green tea or some of the flavoured ones (lemon and ginger is good for a cold/upset tummy) but I can't even stand spicy chai because it's too sweet.

    Why are people so obsessed with making everything they eat or drink taste like sugar? It makes my teeth hurt just reading this shit.
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    I'm not really a fan of the frozen coffee concoctions. I will however drink flavored, hot coffee like there is no tomorrow. I just make them at home though, because I think spending damn near $5 for a cup of coffee is rather ridiculous.

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    Elite Member Bluebonnet's Avatar
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    Another excuse for me to give up the Venti Caramel Frappucino from Starbucks.
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    Elite Member KrisNine's Avatar
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    I drink regular old coffee, too. No sugar or sweetener, just a bit of half and half. Once in a blue moon, I'll grab an Americano if I'm looking for a bigger kick or an extra dry cappuccino. I do sometimes like a dash of cinnamon on my cappuccino foam.
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    Elite Member Brah's Avatar
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    I just like mine black. Maybe a tiny bit of cream if I feel like a splurge (I usually resent drinking calories, so I avoid it when I can). It's bitchy but I always judge people that get coffee that's mostly cream with different syrups and then whipped cream on top. Most people don't realize how many calories they drink, and these really are a huge example of it. And like someone else said, I see them getting cookies or biscotti or cake pops as well. I love judging people on their food, and this is one of the few areas I get a nice little feeling of superiority.

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    Elite Member sputnik's Avatar
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    i DESPISE any kind of flavoured coffee. i don't even put sugar or sweetener in mine. i will drink a latte in the morning and after that i stick to espresso. or an americano with milk.
    i hate flavoured coffee of any kind. i hate vanilla or caramel syrups added to my coffee. i hate creamer. and even worse, flavoured creamer. i refuse to even put cinnamon in there. just the thought of putting pumpkin or peppermint in coffee makes me want to puke.

    that shit is gross and i do not get it.
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    Elite Member kasippu's Avatar
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    Black coffee (illy or Lavazza) when I get up. Nespresso Cappuccini after workout, max 3. I am a coffee addict in the morning, a beer one in the evening

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    Elite Member Butterfly's Avatar
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    I drink black iced coffee...hate hot coffee.
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