Food Network Has Done It Again!
The purveyors of gourmet cuisine at the Food Network are once putting your culinary skills to the test with their latest recipe: "Dark Chocolate as a Snack." When you make it all the way to the Top Chef finals, you finally have a dessert to serve with your winning meal of Late-Night Bacon and English Peas. You have at it, because I'd probably fuck it up by buying milk chocolate instead. I wonder if the Food Network has a better recipe for tap water, because I always get waterlogged when I stick my mouth under the faucet.
Some of the comments at the Food Network site are hilarious:
"This recipe approved by the ADA* *Americans with Disabilities Act"
"Not to be presumptuous, but I improved on this recipe by adding two sticks of butter and some microwaved bacon."
"You should really consider telling people this recipe contains sugar! My daughter is diabetic, so I always make sure to check each recipe for sugar before I prepare it for her. Well guess what? It turns out that "Dark Chocolate as a Snack" is FULL of sugar. And it gets worse, because when the ambulance arrived at the emergency room, the doctors there called CPS on me for giving it to her in the first place! It's great that I have my afternoons free again (CPS put her in a foster home but who is going to pay these all medical and legal fees? FOR GOD'S SAKE THINK OF THE CHILDREN"
"After scraping the chocolate shells off of a box of malt balls, I gathered the flakes into a small saucer. Confused as to what utensils to utilize, I decided to bend my neck, open my mouth and gather the flakes with my tongue. This caused my neck to go into spasms, and my taste buds to become numb. You will hear from my attorney next week regarding my injuries. "
(There are hundreds more...)