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Thread: From your retarded friends at Food Network: Recipe for dark chocolate, as a snack

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    Elite Member angelais's Avatar
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    Default From your retarded friends at Food Network: Recipe for dark chocolate, as a snack

    dlisted.com

    Food Network Has Done It Again!




    The purveyors of gourmet cuisine at the Food Network are once putting your culinary skills to the test with their latest recipe: "Dark Chocolate as a Snack." When you make it all the way to the Top Chef finals, you finally have a dessert to serve with your winning meal of Late-Night Bacon and English Peas. You have at it, because I'd probably fuck it up by buying milk chocolate instead. I wonder if the Food Network has a better recipe for tap water, because I always get waterlogged when I stick my mouth under the faucet.


    Some of the comments at the Food Network site are hilarious:

    "This recipe approved by the ADA* *Americans with Disabilities Act"

    "Not to be presumptuous, but I improved on this recipe by adding two sticks of butter and some microwaved bacon."

    "You should really consider telling people this recipe contains sugar! My daughter is diabetic, so I always make sure to check each recipe for sugar before I prepare it for her. Well guess what? It turns out that "Dark Chocolate as a Snack" is FULL of sugar. And it gets worse, because when the ambulance arrived at the emergency room, the doctors there called CPS on me for giving it to her in the first place! It's great that I have my afternoons free again (CPS put her in a foster home but who is going to pay these all medical and legal fees? FOR GOD'S SAKE THINK OF THE CHILDREN"

    "After scraping the chocolate shells off of a box of malt balls, I gathered the flakes into a small saucer. Confused as to what utensils to utilize, I decided to bend my neck, open my mouth and gather the flakes with my tongue. This caused my neck to go into spasms, and my taste buds to become numb. You will hear from my attorney next week regarding my injuries. "

    (There are hundreds more...)
    Did you know that an anagram for "Conscious Uncoupling" is "Iconic Uncool Pus Guns"? - MohandasKGanja

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    Super Moderator twitchy2.0's Avatar
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    I love dark chocolate but this looks a bit too complicated for me.
    As Canadian as possible under the circumstances

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    "What's traitors, precious?" -- President Gollum

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    Elite Member MontanaMama's Avatar
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    I think if you work hard at your cooking, and have confidence in your skills you can get there Twitchy, I have faith in you.
    If i hear one more personal attack, i will type while drunk, then you can cry! - Bugdoll
    (716): I'd call her a cunt, but she doesn't seem to have the depth or warmth
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    (Replying to MontanaMama) This is some of the smartest shit I ever read

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    Elite Member cupcake's Avatar
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    What's the deal with bacon and chocolate these days...gross
    My grace is sufficient for you, for my my strength is made perfect in weakness...I love you dad!
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    Elite Member Trixie's Avatar
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    Haven't you heard? Bacon and chocolate is the new black!!
    These people don't give a fuck about YOU or us. It's a message board, for Christ's sake. ~ mrs.v ~
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    Super Moderator twitchy2.0's Avatar
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    Dark chocolate IS good for you.
    Quote Originally Posted by MontanaMama View Post
    I think if you work hard at your cooking, and have confidence in your skills you can get there Twitchy, I have faith in you.
    How the hell am I supposed to get it out of the foil? There's no details in the instructions!
    As Canadian as possible under the circumstances

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    "What's traitors, precious?" -- President Gollum

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    TWO stars?

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    Super Moderator twitchy2.0's Avatar
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    It's up to three stars now. I'm off to read the reviews.
    As Canadian as possible under the circumstances

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    "What's traitors, precious?" -- President Gollum

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    Elite Member angelais's Avatar
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    God, these reviews are hilarious!:

    "This recipe was great. I replaced the dark chocolate with a litre single malt scotch and it was perfect."

    "I've been doing this wrong for years. I'd been using paint chips instead of dark chocolate. Thanks Ellie!"
    Did you know that an anagram for "Conscious Uncoupling" is "Iconic Uncool Pus Guns"? - MohandasKGanja

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    And so, I will keep fighting to make the US a more progressive, multi-cultural country, and my fight starts on GossipRocks - mikesandy

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    Elite Member BITTER's Avatar
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    The Food Network has deteriorated over the past decade.
    Good luck getting a cat to do anything let alone join in on your sexcapades. - Air Quotes

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    Super Moderator twitchy2.0's Avatar
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    As has every other channel.
    As Canadian as possible under the circumstances

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    "What's traitors, precious?" -- President Gollum

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    Elite Member Mel1973's Avatar
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    The reviews are awesome.
    Food Network take note: Most of us didn't graduate Cordon Bleu or CIA. A big part of your audience is "the rest of us", and recipes like this one are too daunting for amateurs to just dive into. Dumb it down a little - please!

    I don't very much care for you or this recipe, Ellie Krieger.


    You're comparing Ellie to Martha Stewart? Seriously? Martha would redecorate, cook a real meal (with multiple ingredients, knit a sweater for the dog, and mend a fence while this woman figures out how to use a stove. Call me Food Network - I have the recipes for toast and canned soup!!
    Kill him.
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    Elite Member MontanaMama's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by twitchy2.0 View Post
    Dark chocolate IS good for you.
    How the hell am I supposed to get it out of the foil? There's no details in the instructions!
    Gosh, I'm sorry Twitchy, I didn't factor in the foil. You are not ready for this...but then again, who is?
    If i hear one more personal attack, i will type while drunk, then you can cry! - Bugdoll
    (716): I'd call her a cunt, but she doesn't seem to have the depth or warmth
    Quote Originally Posted by shedevilang View Post
    (Replying to MontanaMama) This is some of the smartest shit I ever read

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    SVZ
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    WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO WITH THE FOIL arghhhh

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