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Thread: Ugliest Shoe of all Time?

  1. #1
    Elite Member WhoAmI's Avatar
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    Oct 2005

    Default Ugliest Shoe of all Time?

    Monday I received an email about the March Free People catalog. "I am cleaning the vomit off of myself," wrote the tipster. "Just wait until you see the slouch clog." Yesterday? Another email:

    "I just wanted to draw your attention to the March 2010 Free People catalog. Of particular interest to you may be the "Floral Slouch Clog.'"

    And then last night, I found the catalog in my mailbox. And I became acquainted with the "slouch clog."

    Jenny and Theresa were right: This is an epic piece of footwear that warrants discussion. A conversation which begins, What. The. Fuck.

    It's a cotton (possibly corduroy) boot, of sorts, strapped to the leg with leather buckle closures, atop a 2 inch wooden platform and a 5 inch wedge heel. With an open toe. "Clog" doesn't seem to be the proper word for it, unless you define clog as nasty gunk often found blocking your drain.

    The Floral Slouch Clog is made by Irregular Choice, a quirky British shoe company which I happen to like, though the designs are often hit and miss. I'll confess I own a few of their shoes, but while the styles can be cool and charming, they can also be bizarre and terrifying.

    But the Floral Slouch Clog is definitely in a category all by itself. It's true that shoes have gotten really strange lately; the "suicide shoes" seen on Nina Ricci Fall'09 runway, for example, or any of the McQueen ankle-snappers. But unlike the McQueen hoof heels, the FSC is not about dreamy, otherworldly glamor, but hippie-ish countrified weirdness. And it is, quite possibly, the ugliest shoe ever conceived. If you have seen uglier, by all means, upload a jpeg in the comments, or email me. We'll deal with the rest of the catalog later.

    Edited to add: The Floral Slouch Clogs are $248.
    Free People & The Ugliest Shoes Ever Conceived - ugly shoes - Jezebel

  2. #2
    Elite Member witchcurlgirl's Avatar
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    Feb 2007


    those are sooo bad
    It's no longer a dog whistle, it's a fucking trombone

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  3. #3
    Gold Member eboni's Avatar
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    Apr 2009


    I was prepared to like them because I like ugly shoes but no way for these. I'm trusting you on everything from now on...
    ...Stopped smoking on March 8, 2011. Was trying to put a fancy ticker in my signature but it didn't work...

  4. #4
    Elite Member angelais's Avatar
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    Mar 2006
    Jon Hamm's pants


    God, how awful. They are ugly and look totally uncomfortable.
    Did you know that an anagram for "Conscious Uncoupling" is "Iconic Uncool Pus Guns"? - MohandasKGanja

  5. #5
    Elite Member Moongirl's Avatar
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    Oct 2005


    I'll just buy a pair of these, or better yet, break my legs and get them for free! :

    DeRoyal Pacesetter II Cam Walker Walking Ankle Cast

  6. #6
    Elite Member MsDark's Avatar
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    Oct 2005
    Northwest MS/Memphis TN


    Still got mine. Had to wear one for three weeks at work.
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  7. #7
    Elite Member Brookie's Avatar
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    Feb 2008
    In the "D"


    Not sure if they're the ugliest, but they're certainly in the running. I can see Short Bus in a pair of these along with a skeezy shirt, no bra and cooter shorts.
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  8. #8
    Elite Member Chalet's Avatar
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    May 2006


    These may be in the competition. Thank Donatella.

  9. #9
    Elite Member Honey's Avatar
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    Dec 2006


    They're bad, and so are the ones Chalet posted

  10. #10
    Elite Member ManxMouse's Avatar
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    Jan 2007


    They're still not as offensive as Crocs, IMO.
    Santa is an elitist mother fucker -- giving expensive shit to rich kids and nothing to poor kids.

  11. #11
    Elite Member ConstanceSpry's Avatar
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    Oct 2005


    Christian Louboutin's fringed cut-out boots

  12. #12
    Elite Member sputnik's Avatar
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    Oct 2005
    fellow traveller


    yeah, crocs and uggs still win. and those ^^^ things.
    these are the nina ricci 'suicide shoes':
    I'm open to everything. When you start to criticise the times you live in, your time is over. - Karl Lagerfeld

  13. #13
    Elite Member ConstanceSpry's Avatar
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    Oct 2005


    >>> Damn, now those are beyond hideous.

  14. #14
    Gold Member Mercer's Avatar
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    Jan 2009


    I don't totally hate the first ones.. combined with skinny blue jeans. Same goes for the Louboutin's with a micromini LBD.
    Wouldn't spend money on either pair though. The rest is just scary.

  15. #15
    Elite Member Wiseguy's Avatar
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    Jan 2009


    1. The Ugly Blue Shoe

    First of all, I dislike the color. Second, who would buy this? And what’s up with the part that goes up your ankle? Yuck!

    2. The Wine Bottle Cap Slippers

    Ouch! That looks totally painful…come on, can you really even walk in them?

    3.The Broken Ankle Heels

    Just go ahead and consider your ankle broken.

    4. Black Wrapped-Around Heel

    I don’t even know what to name this. But it looks like some dancing shoes to me. Ugh, too ugly.
    5. The Hooker Shoe

    I can just see all the strippers investing in these, thinking that they’ll become all the rage.
    6. The Prosthetic Boots

    These would look strange on your legs. Gosh, its scary enough just by looking at it!
    7. Socks in a Shoe

    No way! I simply hate the idea of socks and heels. This is gross!
    8.Too Many Colors Heels

    Just too many colors…how could you wear this?!

    9. The Christmas Pad Slippers

    Some genius decided to make a pair of slippers from four Maxi Pads!

    10. My Eyes Hurts Shoe

    This just hurts my eye.
    11. Leggings Shoe

    Leggings and shoe should not be attached.
    12. Spiky Heels

    A good way to get people to stay away from you.

    13. Fish-Flops

    You might need to carry foot spray at all times!

    14. Pokemon Lover

    Probably not the safest pair, but I’m sure Pokemon lovers will love this.

    15. Robot Shoe

    How do you even put your feet in this?

    16. The Invisible Heel

    Looks like it might fall apart after some time of walking.

    17. The Funky Looking Dereon

    They’re by Dereon, and why would anyone want this pair from Zappos, where they’re $109?!

    18. High Heel Flippers

    These are totally ugly.

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