Going to a Seder - help!!!

[A*O]

Calling all our Jewish posters:

We have been invited to celebrate Passover with some Jewish friends next Thursday night. They are fairly observant and take their religion seriously so I am sure it will be the real deal with no messing about. I know about Passover, and kinda know what the various elements of the meal symbolise, etc, and I'm looking forward to it because this shiksa has never been to a seder before and it will be very interesting.

I've asked my hostess if I can bring anything along and she said no, but I'd like to take at least a token. They keep strict kosher so anything to eat or drink will probably be too risky. Maybe some flowers? Are they appropriate on such an occasion?

Is there anything we should bear in mind while participating? My hostess has already told me that we will be asked to read (in English) from the prayer book and that's fine, but I don't want to cause them offence by doing/saying something stupid. Should I take something to cover my hair? Should my husband and son wear a yarmulka? I asked my hostess and she said no, but I think it would be appreciated if we did the right thing.

[buttmunch]

If the hubby and son aren't Jewish, they probably shouldn't wear a yarmaluke, nor, I think, should you cover your hair. I grew around alot of secular jews so don't have a huge amount of knowledge but the best thing is to just ask your hostess. She'll appreciate your making the effort, no matter what.

[NoDayButToday]

I don't think it's necessary to bring something to cover your own hair, unless they are orthodox (in our synagogue, women only wear hats on the High Holy Days, not Passover), but it is respectful for your son and husband to wear a yarmulke since all Jewish men do, no matter what division of the faith. If a non-Jewish man enters a synagogue, it is considered a sign of respect for him to put on a yarmulke, the same rule exists for any religious function. Ultimately, if they want them to wear it, they will provide it (since non-Jews usually don't have one floating around), just let them know they may have to. Flowers would certainly be appropriate if she (understandably) doesn't want you to bring food. The rules of kosher are heightened to the tenth power during Passover, so she wants to make sure that you don't accidentally bring anything that breaks kashrut since Jews have to clean their entire home right before the holiday to get rid of anything that isn't kosher for Passover.

Just have fun with it and take cues from your hosts, as with any function you'd be invited to. The seder may or may not be very long, it depends on the family. Since they are religious, I'd say to expect a long seder before the meal, and the seder will probably continue after the meal as well. My family has always had non-Jews at our seder because my aunt married a Catholic man. We have had his family at many of the meals, and when she was in college she would bring friends with her too. They always enjoyed it because it was a new experience. Don't expect anything fantastic food-wise, especially with dessert (although non-Jews seem to end up loving matzah, a fact Jews can never understand because we dread having to eat the stuff for a week). Passover food is infamous for being horrible, even if they go to a kosher bakery for the desserts they tend to be dry and relatively tasteless, it's part of the holiday

Here's a link to all you might want to know about Passover: http://www.jewfaq.org/holidaya.htm

[A*O]

Thanks NoDay - they are not orthodox (although both adults grew up in very orthodox homes) but I still have a feeling it's going to be a LONG evening. We went to their daughter's Bat Mitzvah and the service lasted over 3 hours....... I know the seder is more symbolic than a gastronomic extravaganza but it will be a very interesting experience anyway. The hostess's sister will be there and she is VERY orthodox. On Fridays, she tears off sheets of toilet paper and puts them in a pile so she's doesn't have to do so on the Sabbath which seems a bit extreme but there you go.

[A*O]

After all that we didn't go! Our hosts were put in a very difficult position by some uptight rellies who weren't happy about the goyim attending and it looked like a huge family row was brewing so we invented an excuse and gracefully backed out. Our poor hostess was absolutely furious/mortified but she and her husband both come from VERY orthodox families who think these two are almost a lost cause anyway because they are so 'lax', eg, she doesn't wear a wig and he no longer prays wearing those black strappy things (can't remember the name) so we agreed it was better not to rock the boat. She spends her whole life trying to escape the clutches of her ultra-religious family and tries to strike a balance, but since Passover is such an important holiday I thought it was more important to help her out of a dilemma than create even more family aggro. Oh well.