Christianity has a liberal bias? Never fear, Conservapedia plans to rewrite the Bible

[twitchy2.0]

Conservatizing the Bible

Thursday October 1, 2009

The eager young men at Conservapedia are p.o.'d that the Bible might be seen as too liberal. So they've come up with the Wiki-style Conservative Bible Project, to make sure the Lord doesn't go all wobbly on us. Excerpt:

As of 2009, there is no fully conservative translation of the Bible which satisfies the following ten guidelines:[1] Framework against Liberal Bias: providing a strong framework that enables a thought-for-thought translation without corruption by liberal bias
Not Emasculated: avoiding unisex, "gender inclusive" language, and other modern emasculation of Christianity
Not Dumbed Down: not dumbing down the reading level, or diluting the intellectual force and logic of Christianity; the NIV is written at only the 7th grade level[2]
Utilize Powerful Conservative Terms: using powerful new conservative terms as they develop;[3] defective translations use the word "comrade" three times as often as "volunteer"; similarly, updating words which have a change in meaning, such as "word", "peace", and "miracle"
Combat Harmful Addiction: combating addiction by using modern terms for it, such as "gamble" rather than "cast lots";[4] using modern political terms, such as "register" rather than "enroll" for the census
Accept the Logic of Hell: applying logic with its full force and effect, as in not denying or downplaying the very real existence of Hell or the Devil.
Express Free Market Parables; explaining the numerous economic parables with their full free-market meaning
Exclude Later-Inserted Liberal Passages: excluding the later-inserted liberal passages that are not authentic, such as the adulteress story
Credit Open-Mindedness of Disciples: crediting open-mindedness, often found in youngsters like the eyewitnesses Mark and John, the authors of two of the Gospels
Prefer Conciseness over Liberal Wordiness: preferring conciseness to the liberal style of high word-to-substance ratio; avoid compound negatives and unnecessary ambiguities
Thus, a project has begun among members of Conservapedia to translate the Bible in accordance with these principles. The translated Bible can be found here.

"The liberal style of high word-to-substance ratio"? Hoo-wee! Elitists like to use words, and lots of 'em! "Unnecessary ambiguities"? But how are you going to abide by the conservative mandate to avoid "dumbing down" Holy Writ while at the same time avoiding big words liberals use?
More seriously, the insane hubris of this really staggers the mind. These right-wing ideologues know better than the early church councils that canonized Scripture? They really think it's wise to force the word of God to conform to a 21st-century American idea of what constitutes conservatism? These jokers don't worship God. They worship ideology. As Mark Shea says:

Right wing dementia marches on apace. Some of this has a grain of sense to it, as ideological madness always does. For instance, the dumb attempts to feminize Scripture are pernicious and need to stop. But seriously: the story of the woman taken in adultery is "liberal"? Free market as Sacred tradition? Liberal wordiness?

You really need to read the whole Conservapedia entry to grasp how crazy this is. It's like what you'd get if you crossed the Jesus Seminar with the College Republican chapter at a rural institution of Bible learnin'.

Source: Conservatizing the Bible - Crunchy Con


It's like stepping into a parallel universe.

[Grimmlok]

um.,.. aren't people supposed to live per the bible.. not change the bible so that they can live how the fuck they want and then have a biblical excuse for their assholery?

How the hell do you justify editing religious doctrine itself to justify your insanity? lol

[misrule]

I thought that's what most hardcore Christians did? Cherry picked the bits they follow and the bits they choose to ignore? Yes, it's a sweeping, intolerant generalisation....sorry, I think I was just channeling my mother.

But of course, the bible is way too liberal. I've always thought so.

[Grimmlok]

what with all that 'love thy neighbor' and 'turn the other cheek' claptrap..

[nana55]

WTF How can they justify this. So many christians say they are "bible-based" and follow the bible, now this. What assholes.

[Grimmlok]

Like i say, they just want something to hate.. and if the bible isn't justifying their hate anymore, they'll just rewrite it so it does.

ie: their religion is bullshit

[Mr. Authority]

Originally Posted by Grimmlok

what with all that 'love thy neighbor' and 'turn the other cheek' claptrap..

Don't forget Jesus helping the poor. The Son of God would NEVER give out any handouts to a bunch of losers, that socialist! *crosses arms*