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Thread: Connecticut school shooting: Reports say more than dozen dead

  1. #436
    Elite Member MmeVertigina's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sarzy View Post
    It winds me up so much when people make comments like how 'at least the kids are happy with the angels' and all that BS when kids get murdered. I read that stuff all the time in crime threads on certain sites and it's so hard not to say something.
    I am in the unfortunate position of having lost a baby right before birth (3rd trimester). I was deeply annoyed and a bit offended when people would say these things to me. I cannot imagine trying to rationalize death in this way. These types of comments did not help me at all. If you go to church you can hear this there, but to assume that people want to hear this is rude.

  2. #437
    Elite Member Kat Scorp's Avatar
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    I'm sorry for your loss MmeVertigina.
    A kitten hug for you, honey:


    source
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  3. #438
    Elite Member Sarzy's Avatar
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    Very sorry to hear that, Mmevertgina. That's exactly why comments like that don't sit well with me. If people want to think that about their own child then fair enough, but it's when they say it about other people's kids that I think it's offensive.
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  4. #439
    Elite Member yanna's Avatar
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    Mme Vertigina, I'm so sorry for your loss. I think a lot of the things people say to rationalize a death is often very infuriating for the affected party. I was at a funeral of a friend who died at 25 and people were telling her family that at least they had her all this time and she didn't die at infancy! People will say the most ridiculous things in funerals.
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    What if Superman is psychotic and everyone can see that he's Clark Kent but they just play along not to set him off?

  5. #440
    Elite Member MmeVertigina's Avatar
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    Thank you all

    What I went through was awful, but to lose a child that is out and about...I think it only gets harder. I have snapped at a few people who said the absolutely wrong thing. I try to be forgiving, but really wonder where people's common sense disappears to sometimes.
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  6. #441
    Elite Member faithanne's Avatar
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    People say what they think they would want to hear in the same situation. When my mother died people kept telling me I was so strong all the time, it happened suddenly and some of the family kind of fell to pieces and I was the youngest so had to keep it together for a few months. I know people were trying to be encouraging but they'd say things like "you're so strong for someone your age, I don't know how you do it, I wouldn't be able to" which made me feel like a zombie or a robot with no feelings, even though I would go home and cry every night. I know they were trying to be kind but it made it so much worse.
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  7. #442
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    Quote Originally Posted by faithanne;2889332[B
    ]People say what they think they would want to hear in the same situation[/B]. When my mother died people kept telling me I was so strong all the time, it happened suddenly and some of the family kind of fell to pieces and I was the youngest so had to keep it together for a few months. I know people were trying to be encouraging but they'd say things like "you're so strong for someone your age, I don't know how you do it, I wouldn't be able to" which made me feel like a zombie or a robot with no feelings, even though I would go home and cry every night. I know they were trying to be kind but it made it so much worse.
    I think many people also look for something to make what happened to someone else make sense to them, or to find something that sanitizes it and wraps it up nicely to let them put some distance between the person's death and them, if you know what I mean. And so many people just don't know what to say that they wind up saying something stupid. In the case of the poem, you can see it comforts a lot of people to think about the little kids in heaven. I imagine the parents and families are in such a fog of grief at this point that they don't care or notice this type of bullshit.

    For myself, I prefer to be outraged, rather than comforted, at this point.
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  8. #443
    Elite Member McJag's Avatar
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    People say stupid things because they don't know what to say. We faced a stark unexpected tragedy and some friends of ours came over & just cried with us. They said nothing, just cried. Sometimes words are not needed.

    My darling Cousin lost her two year old and always says you don't get over it, you just get through it. That was over 30 years ago, yet seems like last week.
    I didn't start out to collect diamonds, but somehow they just kept piling up.-Mae West

  9. #444
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    CNN is showing live coverage of the memorial service. They are ringing the bell for each child. My heart...

  10. #445
    Super Moderator twitchy2.0's Avatar
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    No bells for the adults?

    "The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge."

    -- Stephen Hawking

  11. #446
    Elite Member MohandasKGanja's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MmeVertigina View Post
    Thank you all

    What I went through was awful, but to lose a child that is out and about...I think it only gets harder. I have snapped at a few people who said the absolutely wrong thing. I try to be forgiving, but really wonder where people's common sense disappears to sometimes.
    Very sorry to hear about that. MY SIL lost hers (first pregnancy, too) at about 6 months. And virtually everybody in the family (except me) was down there to celebrate the winter holiday. It was supposed to be this happy time but became an incredibly sad one. Ironically, nobody knew what to say, so they hardly said anything. Finally, my SIL basically told my BIL, "Nobody is saying anything, and I feel even more isolated and sad." Finally, everyone came together and did and said the right things. But for people who haven't gone through something like that, it can be difficult to know what the right thing to do is.

    This year, my SIL had a very healthy baby boy. She is ecstatic. I never knew she could be so happy.
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  12. #447
    Elite Member JazzyGirl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by twitchy2.0 View Post
    No bells for the adults?
    For those killed at the school. The station I had on read the names and rand the bell for each.

  13. #448
    Elite Member sputnik's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BBDSP View Post
    In the case of the poem, you can see it comforts a lot of people to think about the little kids in heaven.
    it would be fine if it were just a cheesy, badly written poem about little dead kids happy to be with jesus in heaven but nooooo, they had to slip in the right-wing fundie propaganda with the line about god taking back HIS nation and HIS schools, which is a not-so-subtle (at all) way of saying that these horrible things are happening because of all the godless heathens out there and if only the US were a christian theocracy, everything would be better.
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  14. #449
    Elite Member MohandasKGanja's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sputnik View Post
    it would be fine if it were just a cheesy, badly written poem about little dead kids happy to be with jesus in heaven but nooooo, they had to slip in the right-wing fundie propaganda with the line about god taking back HIS nation and HIS schools, which is a not-so-subtle (at all) way of saying that these horrible things are happening because of all the godless heathens out there and if only the US were a christian theocracy, everything would be better.
    And you just know there's going to be a vid on YouTube soon where Kirk Cameron smugly reads the damn thing out loud while roasting chestnuts on an open fire.

  15. #450
    Elite Member KrisNine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by twitchy2.0 View Post
    No bells for the adults?

    I heard that they were to do 26 bells for the children and adults of Sandy Hook. One church has said that they will do 27 to include the shooters mother.
    dilligaf likes this.

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