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Thread: Macy’s shoplifter tries to escape by grabbing poop from her pants, smearing on guard

  1. #1
    Elite Member DeChayz's Avatar
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    Default Macy’s shoplifter tries to escape by grabbing poop from her pants, smearing on guard

    MACY’S SHOPLIFTER TRIES TO ESCAPE BY GRABBING POOP FROM HER PANTS, SMEARING ON SECURITY GUARD’S FACE
    December 29, 2014 by Leslie Simon Share this on FacebookShare this on TwitterShare this on Google+0
    Marisol-Toribio-poop-smearing
    It’s not uncommon for shoplifters to create a diversion while they try to slip out with their loot, but a Florida thief came up with the crappiest escape plan we’ve ever heard of.

    Thirty-two-year-old Marisol Toribio, who tried to steal from a Ft. Lauderdale Macy’s, decided to go for broke when she was cornered by security: She reached in her pants, grabbed a handful of poop, and smeared it on the officer’s face.

    [Insert collective squeals of disgust here.]

    Needless to say, Toribio’s tactic didn’t work and Coral Springs police charged her with theft, in addition to tampering with or fabricating physical evidence and criminal grossness.

    No word on what Marisol was trying to steal from Macy’s, but whatever it was, it wasn’t worth all that.

    Read more.

    Photo: Local 10

    This entry was posted in Florida and tagged poop, shoplifting.
    -----------------------
    I just.... I can't

  2. #2
    Elite Member MohandasKGanja's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DeChayz View Post
    MACY’S SHOPLIFTER TRIES TO ESCAPE BY GRABBING POOP FROM HER PANTS, SMEARING ON SECURITY GUARD’S FACE
    December 29, 2014 by Leslie Simon Share this on FacebookShare this on TwitterShare this on Google+0
    Marisol-Toribio-poop-smearing
    If my last name were "Poop", I would never marry a guy named "Smearing". Worst compound surname EVER.

  3. #3
    Super Moderator twitchy2.0's Avatar
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    Poor Shellee.

    "The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge."

    -- Stephen Hawking

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    Elite Member Brookie's Avatar
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    Yeah, Shellee never disclosed her bathroom problem.
    czb likes this.
    Life is short. Break the Rules. Forgive Quickly. Kiss Slowly. Love Truly.
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    Elite Member Flygirl's Avatar
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    That should be an assault charge

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    Elite Member SHELLEE's Avatar
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    I actually shopped at that Macy's as a teen. Also, screw you guys, I'm going home.
    *edit to add that when I first saw the thread title I was relieved because I just knew it was the ny Macy's*
    msdeb, levitt and Brookie like this.
    See, Whores, we are good for something. Love, Florida
    #fingersinthebootyassbitch

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    Elite Member levitt's Avatar
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    I thought Ft Lauderdale was in Texas so I was incredibly disappointed until I read the whole thing...yay Florida, you never disappoint me!
    Ain't nothing wrong with Ohio wang! - MontanaMama

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    Gold Member Dorahacky's Avatar
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    So, did she have time to shit her pants in between the shoplifting and the getting caught? Or did she anticipate that she might need an escape plan and come into the store with a pre-shat load?

    These are the questions that haunt me.
    We all like to think we're so special. But in the end, we all do the same stupid shit. - Dennis Miller


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    Elite Member sputnik's Avatar
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    2014 was a hell of a year for "florida woman" in the news...
    I'm open to everything. When you start to criticise the times you live in, your time is over. - Karl Lagerfeld

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    Elite Member Kathie_Moffett's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dorahacky View Post
    So, did she have time to shit her pants in between the shoplifting and the getting caught? Or did she anticipate that she might need an escape plan and come into the store with a pre-shat load?

    These are the questions that haunt me.
    Me too. Maybe she shat her pants in consternation and fear when she knew she was caught?
    Did you know that every time a parent gives in to their kid's whines and buys them candy at the checkout lane, a kitten gets diabetes?-Dlisted
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    Bronze Member Bunraku's Avatar
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