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Thread: Grandma Assaults Grandson With Garden Hose For Eating Too Much Bacon

  1. #1
    Elite Member witchcurlgirl's Avatar
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    Default Grandma Assaults Grandson With Garden Hose For Eating Too Much Bacon

    Now before you get too upset, the 64-year-old grandmother in question used the garden hose to spray her 9-year-old grandson in the face, and not, well, wherever your mind just went with that headline. But she did it at full blast! And also beat his legs. And all he did was eat a generous portion of delicious, crispy bacon.

    From The Smoking Gun:
    "Marilee Ann Kolynych was busted Tuesday evening on endangering the welfare of children, simple assault, harassment, and disorderly conduct charges. Her grandson, 9, was not injured during the attack.


    According to [police], the matter involved the child consuming more bacon than anyone else, which angered Kolynych. A witness told Press that Kolynych chased her grandson around the yard before throwing him to the ground and 'sitting on top of him beating him on his legs and spraying water at very close range into [the boy's] face.' The child told cops that 'the nozzle setting was on full blast.'"
    The boy eventually broke free, and ran to the safety of a neighbor's house to call his mom. Grammy Marilee was apparently still chasing him when his mom came to the rescue. Why bacon was the trigger for her complete, psychotic meltdown isn't entirely clear. Maybe she'd spent the day watching and re-watching that pork farming video.

    Grandma Assaults Grandson With Garden Hose For Eating Too Much Bacon
    All of God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.


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  2. #2
    Elite Member shedevilang's Avatar
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    Well bacon is rather expensive right now lmao I am joking people granny is a nutball
    Silly bitches, twitchy links are NOT for kids!-Mel

  3. #3
    Elite Member CornFlakegrl's Avatar
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    I might beat someone down if they took my bacon. It's delicious!

  4. #4
    Super Moderator twitchy2.0's Avatar
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    Grandma's a psycho.

    "The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge."

    -- Stephen Hawking

  5. #5
    Elite Member Brookie's Avatar
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    Well, bacon is teh shit.
    Life is short. Break the Rules. Forgive Quickly. Kiss Slowly. Love Truly.
    Laugh Uncontrollably. And never regret ANYTHING that makes you smile.

    - Mark Twain

  6. #6
    Super Moderator twitchy2.0's Avatar
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    Maybe, but it's not worth waterboarding family over.

    "The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge."

    -- Stephen Hawking

  7. #7
    Elite Member MontanaMama's Avatar
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    Don't mess with gramma's bacon. I totally empathize with her, bacon is some hard shit to cook...Late Night Bacon Recipe : Rachael Ray : Food Network
    If i hear one more personal attack, i will type while drunk, then you can cry! - Bugdoll
    (716): I'd call her a cunt, but she doesn't seem to have the depth or warmth
    Quote Originally Posted by shedevilang View Post
    (Replying to MontanaMama) This is some of the smartest shit I ever read

  8. #8
    Elite Member Brookie's Avatar
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    I have precooked bacon in the fridge. Just heat & eat!
    Life is short. Break the Rules. Forgive Quickly. Kiss Slowly. Love Truly.
    Laugh Uncontrollably. And never regret ANYTHING that makes you smile.

    - Mark Twain

  9. #9
    Elite Member shedevilang's Avatar
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    Well fuck now I want bacon
    Silly bitches, twitchy links are NOT for kids!-Mel

  10. #10
    Elite Member Seth82's Avatar
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    I'd probably do the same thing if someone ate my bacon lol

    but yeah grandma's kinda crazy
    Quote Originally Posted by Kat Scorp View Post
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  11. #11
    Elite Member potato_chips's Avatar
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    The grandma was just jealous cause she wanted all the bacon.
    "The most important question in all of human kind is..... would you hit it or not?" ~potato_chips

  12. #12
    Elite Member Jezi's Avatar
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    I love bacon. Nobody touches my bacon and lives.


    I recently acquired a bottle of Class A maple syrup (hard to find here). I need recipes.









    And I pity the people who've never tasted bacon pancakes.

  13. #13
    Elite Member shedevilang's Avatar
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    Maple syrup is de debbil, nasty evil stuff.
    Silly bitches, twitchy links are NOT for kids!-Mel

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    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by shedevilang View Post
    Maple syrup is de debbil, nasty evil stuff.

    I knew your ass was crazy.
    FUCK YOU AND GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VENTI TWO PUMP LIGHT WHIP MOCHA YOU COCKSUCKING WHORE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. I just get unpleasant in my car. - Deej

    http://www.gossiprocks.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic4098_9.gif Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

  15. #15
    Elite Member Jezi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by shedevilang View Post
    Maple syrup is de debbil, nasty evil stuff.
    I refuse to accept that.

    I haven't tasted it yet but I want to. With bacon.

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