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Thread: 10 year old Colorado girl vanishes on way to school

  1. #136
    Elite Member KrisNine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MohandasKGanja View Post
    If you watch the news, it can make you feel embattled, but as others have said here, there doesn't seem to be a jump in statistics that would reasonably prompt you to batten down the hatches, childwise. More than anything, it seems like a good time to use the opportunity to teach your child to be street smart and know how to react.

    I actually ordered "The Gift of Fear" the night they found the suspect in this case and received it a few days ago. I'm thinking about putting a thread under the Books section with tips from the author. There are some really interesting situational things he brings up that everybody should know about.
    I volunteered with a woman several years ago who is a criminal psychologist. I remember her saying something along the lines of while there may not be huge increase in crimes against children, there has been a total change in the people that commit these crimes. I don't remember all of the specifics, but it was along the lines of predators becoming "super" predators. Years ago, child predators weren't able to find an online group and discuss better ways of molesting your child and how to not get caught. It was very interesting. Again, I don't remember the specifics of her research and I'm not doing her justice.

    Now, I'm new at this whole parenting thing and I have no idea how to even discuss this kind of thing with my kid without terrifying her and myself. I don't want to be one of those parents who don't give their kids any freedom, but I also don't want to risk her safety.

  2. #137
    Elite Member Air Quotes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KrisNine View Post
    Now, I'm new at this whole parenting thing and I have no idea how to even discuss this kind of thing with my kid without terrifying her and myself. I don't want to be one of those parents who don't give their kids any freedom, but I also don't want to risk her safety.
    Same here I'm worried I will screw it up so badly that he thinks anyone that isn't me is probably going to rape and kill him.
    "A true whore just loves her life." - Sluce

  3. #138
    Elite Member MohandasKGanja's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KrisNine View Post
    I volunteered with a woman several years ago who is a criminal psychologist. I remember her saying something along the lines of while there may not be huge increase in crimes against children, there has been a total change in the people that commit these crimes. I don't remember all of the specifics, but it was along the lines of predators becoming "super" predators. Years ago, child predators weren't able to find an online group and discuss better ways of molesting your child and how to not get caught. It was very interesting. Again, I don't remember the specifics of her research and I'm not doing her justice.

    Now, I'm new at this whole parenting thing and I have no idea how to even discuss this kind of thing with my kid without terrifying her and myself. I don't want to be one of those parents who don't give their kids any freedom, but I also don't want to risk her safety.
    We've already been talking with our kids about it, but I think the main thing is to help them to trust their instincts and to recognize certain behaviors, and even play act with them in scenarios.

    In The Gift of Fear, the author had this true-life scenario that happened right in front of him:

    A young woman was traveling alone on a plane. She was in her late teens.

    A forty-ish guy moves from another seat into the empty seat next to her and immediately starts talking with her. His conversation was geared to find out if someone was waiting for her at the next airport (nobody was), and to build rapport. The author also noticed that by the guy's clothing (relatively new), his grooming, and his type of tattoos, that the guy had been in prison recently. The guy offered the girl some of his alcoholic drink, saying it was good to break the rules sometimes. And she drank some of it. According to the author, this guy set off all kinds of warning bells that the girl didn't seem to recognize. Forced partnership. Over-sharing. Forcing something on her for free so that he can "call in a return favor" later. And knowing how long she was going to be alone.

    When the guy got up out of his seat to use the bathroom, the author leaned over and asked if he could speak with her. He told her, "That guy is not to be trusted. When you get to the airport, he is going to really try hard to offer you a ride. Don't do it."

    At the airport luggage area, the author watched as the guy came up to the girl, started talking with her (obviously offering her a ride), while she shook her head no, over and over. He got really pissed and gestured angrily at her and walked away.

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    Elite Member Seapharris7's Avatar
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    Just wanted to share:

    Yesterday my 8-year-old son did not get off the bus after school. The bus stop is only a block away, but either me or my boyfriend personally drop him off (we actually stay until we see him get ON the bus), & I knew I had seen him get on the bus that morning.
    Called the school, the teacher had already left the classroom, called my grandmother thinking maybe she picked him up & didnt tell me (that's NEVER happened, but trying not to develope a sheer panic at this point)... She hadnt. Called my X husband, he had no idea, he hadnt picked him up. So, now virtually hyperventilating, the SO & I head across town to the school. At this point I'm trying not to cry... There's an random outside chance that my X's grandparents picked him up. Lately they've been going senile & getting days & weekends mixed up... But neither me or my X knew anything about them picking him up. And because they're old & senile they have a cell phone that's NEVER ON, so of course me & the X are tag teaming calling them to no use.

    Get to the school, this is about 45 minutes after my son should have been dropped off & almost an hour after school at already been out. All these stories about missing kids & the horrible things that happen to them are flooding my brain... Luckily I end up running into his teacher, who was in another room, & she verifies his grandparents picked him up. I called my X to inform him... the conversation went a lot better than to be expected since I was feeling relieved. Later, crazy rage & wanting to beat both grandparents with their cell phones...

    But, moral of the story, I completely sympathize with any parent who experienced that feeling. The media has definitely made me more aware of things, but also has lead me to freak out about something like this (as an 8-year-old I stayed out all day until it was dark with no parental supervision, I dont let mine walk a block by himself to the bus stop). And there's certainly a lot more things I think I should touch base with my son on as Mo mentioned above...
    Sugar... The real gateway drug

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    Elite Member CornFlakegrl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KrisNine View Post

    Now, I'm new at this whole parenting thing and I have no idea how to even discuss this kind of thing with my kid without terrifying her and myself. I don't want to be one of those parents who don't give their kids any freedom, but I also don't want to risk her safety.
    There really is no formula. How you teach your child about safety will depend on your style and your child's personality. If you end up with a free spirited wanderer who thinks nothing about walking off without you, you might end up using those scare tactics that now seem over the top. Then again, if you have shy, nervous child who won't leave your side, you'll take a different approach.

    As for telling kids to trust their instincts... IDK, their instincts suck when they are very young, lol. Most kids are very trusting and assume adults are good.

    .

  6. #141
    fgg
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    my (imaginary) kid would be wearing some sort of tracking device in his/her watch, underwear, diaper, implanted, etc.
    can't post pics because my computer's broken and i'm stupid

  7. #142
    Elite Member Trixie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KrisNine View Post
    I volunteered with a woman several years ago who is a criminal psychologist. I remember her saying something along the lines of while there may not be huge increase in crimes against children, there has been a total change in the people that commit these crimes. I don't remember all of the specifics, but it was along the lines of predators becoming "super" predators. Years ago, child predators weren't able to find an online group and discuss better ways of molesting your child and how to not get caught. It was very interesting. Again, I don't remember the specifics of her research and I'm not doing her justice.
    I think the change is, the predators are getting younger and younger.
    These people don't give a fuck about YOU or us. It's a message board, for Christ's sake. ~ mrs.v ~
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  8. #143
    Elite Member Sarzy's Avatar
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    I agree Trixie. I can't recall a case of someone so young dismembering a child. The profilers need to update their 'profiles' as I don't think any of the ones I read ever thought the killer was this young.

  9. #144
    Elite Member Beeyotch's Avatar
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    So teach them [good instincts.] Those tips mentioned by that author in Mohandas' post, and those specific examples, would help a lot. I was naive and trusting because I wasn't socialized--my parents were pretty insular, avoided people altogether and overdid it by telling me to trust NOBODY. Stuff like those examples and actually being allowed to interact with people might have helped me differentiate normal from fishy behavior. Plus you might be surprised, a lot of kids figure this stuff out early and acquire a good common sense skepticism.
    Charmed Hour likes this.

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    Elite Member SHELLEE's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trixie View Post
    I think the change is, the predators are getting younger and younger.
    I read a true crime book a couple of years ago and it was about a 12 yo girl, Shanda Sherer from Indiana, who was coaxed into a lesbian relationship with a 15 or 16 yo. Another girl got jealous and I think 3 girls proceeded to beat the crap out of her and then set her on fire. This was in 1992.
    Seapharris7 likes this.
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  11. #146
    Elite Member MohandasKGanja's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SHELLEE View Post
    I read a true crime book a couple of years ago and it was about a 12 yo girl, Shanda Sherer from Indiana, who was coaxed into a lesbian relationship with a 15 or 16 yo. Another girl got jealous and I think 3 girls proceeded to beat the crap out of her and then set her on fire. This was in 1992.
    I read that story, too. She survived a horrendous beating, and they threw her in the trunk, thinking she was dead, to get rid of her. When her attackers opened the trunk up later, the first words out of her mouth, supposedly, were "Mommy." It broke my freaking heart. And I heard they got relatively light sentences. F*ckers.

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    Elite Member SHELLEE's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MohandasKGanja View Post
    I read that story, too. She survived a horrendous beating, and they threw her in the trunk, thinking she was dead, to get rid of her. When her attackers opened the trunk up later, the first words out of her mouth, supposedly, were "Mommy." It broke my freaking heart. And I heard they got relatively light sentences. F*ckers.
    Yes, that was a very heartbreaking story, it has really stuck with me because of the cruelty. I believe that after they set her on fire they then went to Mcdonalds for egg mcmuffins.
    See, Whores, we are good for something. Love, Florida
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    Elite Member Air Quotes's Avatar
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    I lived in IN at the time that happened and was her age so that story still haunts me. That poor little girl.
    "A true whore just loves her life." - Sluce

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    Elite Member KrisNine's Avatar
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    Well, that was an awful story. I had never heard of Shanda before. So, so sad.

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    Me either, i had to go wiki that, Horrid.

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