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Thread: Florida Gives In to Horny Moms, Lifts the Ban on 50 Shades of Grey

  1. #121
    Elite Member louiswinthorpe111's Avatar
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    When I started the third one, and they were having sex, AGAIN, which was like the third time that say, I thought, "FFS, give it a rest!"

    But yeah, it's happily ever after.
    Last edited by louiswinthorpe111; September 19th, 2012 at 10:12 AM.
    RELIGION: Treat it like it's your genitalia. Don't show it off in public, and don't shove it down your children's throats.

  2. #122
    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
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    Why is this thread still alive?
    FUCK YOU AND GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VENTI TWO PUMP LIGHT WHIP MOCHA YOU COCKSUCKING WHORE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. I just get unpleasant in my car. - Deej

    http://www.gossiprocks.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic4098_9.gif Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

  3. #123
    Elite Member SHELLEE's Avatar
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    Good question greys.
    See, Whores, we are good for something. Love, Florida
    #fingersinthebootyassbitch

  4. #124
    Elite Member Bellatheball's Avatar
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    It's even worse. She essentially "reforms" him and he becomes the perfect dad and husband. Then (not shitting you) they run through a field of flowers while playing with their children.

    ETA: It was a meadow. They were frolicking in a meadow. What the hell is a meadow anyway? A field of flowers, right?
    Last edited by Bellatheball; September 19th, 2012 at 12:33 AM.

  5. #125
    Elite Member OrangeSlice's Avatar
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    It sounds like something Will Ferrell should star in.
    southernbelle and Rusalka like this.
    "Schadenfreude, hard to spell, easy to feel." ~VenusinFauxFurs

    "Scoffing is one of my main hobbies!" ~Trixie

  6. #126
    Super Moderator twitchy2.0's Avatar
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    Sounds like a feminine hygiene product commercial from the '70s. Back in the days when they never directly said what they were selling or what it was for. Fields of daisies, slo mo, soft focus.
    "If you are not outraged, then you are not paying attention," Heather Heyer's facebook quote.

  7. #127
    Elite Member choozen1ne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bellatheball View Post
    It's even worse. She essentially "reforms" him and he becomes the perfect dad and husband. Then (not shitting you) they run through a field of flowers while playing with their children.
    I read the first chapter of the first one and just could not handle something that stupid and poorly written and I assumed the ending was going to be bad but that bad I would have never thought someone could seriously write something that stupid and contrite - this makes me think even less of some of those crazy woman who are obsessed with it

  8. #128
    Elite Member Waterslide's Avatar
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    ^the ending is more vomit-inducing than I could have dreamed.

    This the part 2 & 3 to the review with the gifs.

    Katrina Lumsden's review Aug 11, 12


    Read from June 03 to 06, 2012


    Yeah, I've continued with the series. Why, you ask? Why, when I so thoroughly despised Fifty Shades of Grey, would I do this to myself?

    Why, for the fun factor, of course! Bad writing tends to make me giddy because I'm much better at being a horribly judgmental person critic than I am at....well, most anything else. Reading books this awful actually brings a certain amount of joy into my life. Plus, I had a few people tell me they couldn't wait for my reviews of the second and third Fifty books. Alas, here I am. Unfortunately (for me), Fifty Shades Darker wasn't quite as bad as as its predecessor. Don't get me wrong, it was still awful, but the rage-inducing badness of the first wasn't quite as powerful here. Or maybe I've built up a bit of an immunity. No matter, it's still bad, and I'm still going to have a hell of a lot of fun writing about it. Now, the first installment in this series made me so angry, I could barely write a coherent review. I'll be using more source material this time around (but don't worry, there will still be gifs).

    Very first sentence:
    "He's come back. Mommy's asleep or she's sick again."

    My reaction to that sentence was a snort of laughter.

    We begin with a prologue of Christian Grey having a night terror regarding a childhood memory. I simply couldn't help laughing when his mom's pimp treated me to six utterances of, "You are one fucked-up bitch." In a row.

    After the prologue, we're right back in Anastasia's head (it's a good thing there's room for us in there). We're treated to a chapter of her wallowing in depression and self-pity while wasting away because Christian isn't there to remind her that eating is a fundamental aspect of survival. We're also introduced to Ana's new job at SIP, a small publishing company, and to her new boss. Mr. Jack Hyde.

    Mr. Hyde? Really?


    Psst! He's a villain! It isn't at all obvious, either. Total surprise.

    After what seems a rather generous amount of whining from Ana, she and Christian are back together. Yay! All that screwed-up physical violence forgotten. It's so sweet, too, their reunion. Christian asks Ana why she didn't safeword in the midst of his assault (which occurred at the end of the first book), and she admits that she was overwhelmed and just...forgot. Call me crazy, but to me, this is understandable. You're not used to this consensual punishment thing (not to mention the fact that you never explicitly consented in the first place) and your man is enjoying viciously turning your ass into a slab of raw beef, and you forget there's an easy way out of it. I get that. Christian, not so much. He asks how he's ever going to trust her again. And Ana? She apologizes.



    Was I angry when I read that? Shit, yes, but thankfully, things ended up taking a turn. Ana sort of starts to stand up for herself and Christian begins to catch on that he's a total d-bag and maybe he should tone it down. This is where the story changed for me. It went from all-out rage-inducing (like the first book), to incomprehensible hilarity. I had thought the first line was good, but in comparison, lines like this are pure comedic gold:

    "I want you, and the thought of anyone else having you is like a knife twisting in my dark soul."



    Oh my, it's my dream man. He's crazy with a side of fries and he utters the worst romanticisms this side of a Nicholas Sparks novel.

    The sex scenes are tamer in terms of their content, but they're also extremely limited in terms of content. The same thing happens every time; Christian flashes Ana a "look", during which his eyes darken (he might have a serious ocular condition), desire "pools in her belly", some undressing occurs, then there's nipple teasing, he blows, sucks, nips, licks, whatever, and she is usually pretty passive, save for her gyrating hips, which were once "caught up in his cool vanilla spell" (I couldn't make this shit up), and then....Ana explodes.

    WARNING: Graphic Visual Interpretation of Christian and Ana's Sex [ (hide spoiler)]

    Oh, and she apparently loses consciousness after every orgasm. Why is this happening? She might be anemic. She should get that checked out.

    There was one really gross sex scene, though. The ice cream scene. Christian is dripping ice cream all over Ana, and I was going, "Ewwww!" because I really hate the stickiness of sugary foods anywhere on my body, and can you imagine that shit getting in your hair? (Oh, hush). Whatever, that's not the point. The point is, this doesn't sound right: "He shifts lower and starts eating the ice cream in my belly..."



    It's the Zombie plague! It's got hold of Fifty! It's Fifty shades of viscera!!

    RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!

    Aaaanywho, where was I? Oh, right, the sex. Boring. Even more boring than in the first book because the same wording is used for nearly every scene. And since there are a lot of sex scenes, I experienced no less than 15 instances of deja vu. Even my inner voice sounded bored; "He slides his fingers in and swirls, blah blah blah, erection digging into my hip, yadda yadda, gotta remember to pick up milk at the store tomorrow..."



    The tiresomely redundant writing would probably be a little easier to deal with if not for the fact that the majority of it is used to express the thoughts of what is unquestionably the dumbest character in the history of literature. Ana is a mental midget. This is not about her choices, it's about her inability to comprehend even the simplest of concepts. I think my favorite demonstration was during a charity auction Christian's parents were hosting. One of Christian's "ex-subs" (that's ex-submissive for those who aren't in the know *wink wink*) is wandering around, apparently armed and gunning for Ana. Or Christian. We never really know for sure, but anyway, because of this threat, Christian has hired more security. Taylor, Christian's chief bodyguard, now has three guys under his command, and all four of them are cruising the party, keeping an eye out for Ms. Small, Dark, and Nutsy. After watching a fireworks display (during which Ana was awed like a fucking four-year-old), I was treated to this exchange:

    Christian: "Stay with me a moment. Taylor wants us to wait while the crowd disperses."
    Ana: (thinks) Oh.
    Christian: "I think that fireworks display probably aged him a hundred years."
    Ana: "Doesn't he like fireworks?"



    That's not even the best part, though. The best part is Christian's reaction:

    "Christian gazes down at me fondly and shakes his head but doesn't elaborate."



    I had a really hard time not imagining what went through Christian's mind. You know what I'm talking about. "Oh, darling, it's a good thing you're hot. Otherwise I'd take you up in Charlie Tango right now and push you out somewhere over the Space Needle."

    There were times, of course, when the idiocy wasn't restricted to Ana and her vacuous noggin. At one point, Christian and Ana are discussing his crazy ex-sub, Leila, and Ana can tell Christian is holding something back, so she snaps at Christian to tell her what's going on.

    "She managed to obtain a concealed weapons permit yesterday."



    Really? I know E.L. James is a Brit, and yeah, maybe she views this as the United States of Barbarity, but you can't just wander into a fucking gun store and ask for a goddamn CPL. In fact, in Washington state, it can take up to 60 days for an out-of-state resident to receive theirs, and that's after the background check. The stupid doesn't end there, though.

    "Oh shit. I gaze at him, blinking, and feel the blood draining from my face as I absorb this news. I may faint. Suppose she wants to kill him? No. “That means she can just buy a gun,” I whisper."

    Well, sure, if she wants to be all obvious about it. I kinda figured she'd go the subtle route and get herself a bunny.



    It was during moments like that when I wished I knew Ana in real life, simply for of the amount of fun that could be had fucking with her.

    "Ana, you don't understand. It's so much worse than that. A concealed weapons permit means she can buy a concealed weapon. Concealed weapons are....invisible."



    Did I mention Ana's dumb? Well, guess what? She also has the emotional maturity of a fruit fly. It's worse than hanging out with a love-sick 14-year-old. Why? Because it's hanging out with a love-sick 21-year-old with the emotional maturity of a fruit fly. I thought I made this clear. You know who else made it clear? E.L. James. I was beaten over the head over and over and over again with Ana's self-doubt and insecurities. She's so unsure of herself, in fact, that she keeps asking the reader questions; "What is he trying to tell me?" "What does he/she mean?" "What is going on?" "What should I do?" "Where is our relationship going?" "What was that about?" "Where are we going?" "What is he planning?" "What is he gonna do?" "How does he know?"

    Hey, Ana! Guess what?!



    When she's not whining, crying, giggling, getting railed, or giving herself a migraine trying to think, she's going on and on in these relentless inner diatribes about how hot/sexy/adorable/god-like/beautiful Christian is, and joy is erupting inside her every time she realizes she's with him, and she gets a warm feeling whenever she thinks about how much she lurves him, and on and on and ooooon. Her inner goddess (ridiculous metaphor for her vagina) is still annoyingly present, and her subconscious has gotten even bitchier (just how Ana knows what's going on in her subconscious has yet to be determined). One of the best parts about her inner dialogue is that she's always telling us what's going on after we've had the scene described to us. And several times she reacts with astounded shock that someone *gasp* changed the subject. (No. I am not fucking kidding.)

    Ana is that special friend you end up wanting to choke to death every time you talk to her, but you don't have the ambition to tell her to go fuck herself with a rake, so you avoid her when you can, and when you can't, you sit around listening to her inane babbling like...



    Her insecurity reaches monumental, mind-blowing levels, however, when she finds Leila (remember her?) in her apartment. Lord Fisterbottom rushes in to save the day, of course, but then Ana watches him go all "Dom" on Leila to defuse the situation. Then he ends up at Leila's side, stroking her hair, trying to chillaxe the crazy broad, and Ana starts getting jealous! Right there, I'm not kidding! She doesn't want to leave the apartment because she's afraid of what will happen between Christian and Loony Tunes! Taylor has to forcibly remove Ana from her apartment, and the whole time we're treated to Ana's bullshit thoughts regarding whether or not Christian is going to leave her for Leila.



    Fucked up, right? There's a time and a place for insecurity; that ain't it.

    Oh, then she finds out Christian gave Leila a bath. What that has to do with the story, I have no idea.

    So are you getting the gist? Lots and lots of melodrama. Well, we haven't gotten to Christian's melodrama yet, so prepare yourselves. He starts freaking out on Ana, telling her she can't leave, she means everything to him, he needs her, blah blah blah, and then....then he says, "I'm a sadist, Ana. I like to whip little brown-haired girls like you because you all look like the crack whore - my birth mother."














    Say what? Normal reaction to this is revulsion and horror. To give her some credit, Ana is a little horrified. Does she leave?

    "Then it hit me like a wrecking ball. If he's a sadist, he really needs all that whipping and caning shit. Oh fuck. I put my head in my hands. "So it's true," I whisper, glancing up at him, "I can't give you what you need." This is it - this really does mean we are incompatible."

    Oh, for fuck's sake.



    That is not the proper response to your boyfriend's revelation that he likes to abuse and sex you because you look like his mom! This is:



    *Sigh*

    There's also a helicopter crash, a marriage proposal, a showdown with an ephebophile, and an attempted rape. Why? Because why the fuck not?

    I don't even know where to go from here. This book is ridiculous. Even more so than the first since it's trying to sell the reader on this impossible scenario. You cannot change an abusive man, and it is dangerous folly to try. Quit romanticizing it. Fantasy is one thing, impossible delusions are quite another.

    I suppose I'll close with one of my favorite lines from the mind of the magnificently inept Miss Steele:

    "Raiding the fridge once more, I gather potatoes, ham, and - Yes! - peas from the freezer."

    Yes!


    Peas!!!


    Word Count:
    "Oh my" - 47
    "Crap" - 36
    "Jeez" - 84
    "Holy (shit/fuck/crap/hell/cow/moses)" - 124
    "Whoa" - 30
    "Gasp" - 44
    "Gasps" - 17
    "Sharp Intake of Breath" - 5
    "Murmur" - 91
    "Murmurs" - 194
    "Whisper" - 140
    "Whispers" - 113
    "Mutter" - 71
    "Mutters" - 48
    "Fifty" - 95
    "Lip" - 47
    "Inner goddess" - 58
    "Subconscious" - 59

    And I'm out.

    Katrina Lumsden's review Aug 11, 12


    Read in June, 2012




    Welcome back, fellow masochists (or those of you who simply wish to forgo the hassle of reading this crap and opt for my poignant reviews instead). I wish I could say Fifty Shades Freed met my expectations, but...well, honestly, I don't know what the fuck that was. I don't know how I feel. I don't know what to think. The only thing I know is that, usually after finishing a trilogy/series, I'm lost. My brothers end up finding me curled up in a ball somewhere and they laugh and call me names, most of which are variations of "emo douchebag" because I'm all like



    I can't help it. If I've invested enough of myself into a story to read more than one installment, it generally means I liked it (or at least something about it). That wasn't the case with the Fifty Shades trilogy. I went into Fifty Shades of Grey knowing full well I would probably hate it, and I wasn't wrong. In fact, I think I may have underestimated that book in terms of how thoroughly it would infuriate and disgust me. I considered not bothering with the next two installments because I was certain it wouldn't get any better. Look, I know there are those of you out there who think that it did get better, but I'm not talking about the story. I mean, I don't think that improved much, either, but the point I'm trying to make is that E.L. James is a terrible writer, technically and artistically. As a photographer, I can tell you that sucking ass in both categories won't get you far. Certain people will give you a certain amount of latitude one way or another, sure, but if your composition is badly placed, taken at the wrong time of day, crowded, confusing, and out of focus....well, you get it. Needless to say, I wasn't even halfway through Fifty Shades Darker before I started getting bored, but I trudged on and it wasn't much different from any of the boredom I've experienced before.

    Then I started reading Fifty Shades Freed. I can honestly say that I had no idea this kind of feeling was even possible. I've never had a book so thoroughly turn off my desire to read before. Ever. I would read a page here and there, then turn my Kindle off and get online. There wouldn't be anything to do online, and I'd sit at my desk thinking, Oh, I should really finish that book. But then I'd just keep surfing the internet. To be honest, it was because every time I even thought about reaching for my Kindle, my brain did this:



    It should come as no surprise, then, that my reaction when finishing this book was not despondent depression. Far from it. It was....exhilaration.

    Now that that's out of the way, I suppose I should tell you a little bit about what happened this time around. OK....

    Honeymoon. Christian throwing a tantrum. Ana's boobs get marked up in retaliation. Drama, drama, drama, corn, some cheese, sex sex sex, lots of whining, Christian being clingy, Ana trying to assert her independence, blah blah blah. It reads exactly like the other two books with its repetitive wording and infuriating platitudes, and because of this it suffers far more than the other two books. I was tired of reading this shit. The only thing that set this one apart was the utter weirdness of a few of the scenes. Like Christian marking up Ana's titties after she goes topless on a beach in the south of France. Yeah, it happens. It's OK, though. Ana gives him a pass because, emotionally, he's stuck in adolescence and this apparently gives him free reign to do as he likes with impunity. She's angry at first, sure, but she forgives him. Even after he has the balls to say, "Well, you won't take your top off again."



    The temerity of this character is astounding. E.L. James has managed to create one of the most blatantly antagonistic sociopaths I've ever seen, yet women everywhere are gobbling it up like he's the best thing since the vibrator.

    But nothing really happens in the first 90% of the book except a lot of emotional manipulation. Ana and Christian play games with each other's emotions and genuinely seem to have absolutely no clue how to communicate with another human being. It's apparently all good, though, because the sex makes up for any lack of connection they should have. During one sex scene, Ana thinks, "We still have this. We'll always have this."



    No. No, you won't. Your sex life may still be fulfilling after five, ten, or even fifteen years, but it won't be the same. No, not at all. And if you think for one second that sex can make up for the emotional connection and teamwork a marriage requires, you're going to be sorely disappointed. Look I'm all for fantasy, but I guess I like mine tinged with a little more reality than this. Friendship is the foundation of any solid relationship and without it, you're just bumpin' uglies until it gets boring.

    Arguably the best thing to come out of this book was the fun I had discussing butt plugs with my sister-in-law. Yes, there's a sex scene involving a butt plug, and yes, it's both hilarious and disturbing, if for nothing else but E.L. James' refusal to use the word “ass”. Ana is always using the words 'behind' and 'bottom' to describe her other “down there”, and those words do not mesh well with the concept of an anal sex toy. I'm sorry, but hearing about how Christian inserted a butt plug into Ana's 'bottom' made me both uncomfortable and highly amused. Or when he inserted his finger into her 'behind'. No. No. As a child, you have a behind or a bottom, but once you hit about 14 or so, it's your butt or your ass. Only occasionally can the other words be used in reference to an older individual and be gotten away with.

    As amusing as all that was, however, it didn't hold a candle to the things that went on when they were finished engaging in anal play. Just to be clear, I don't have anything against people who find pleasure in the anus. If that's your thing, hey, more power to ya. So I don't have a problem with the sex scenes themselves. However, when Christian fingered Ana's arsehole and then didn't wash his hands...yeah, I was a little grossed out. They're cuddling and everything afterward and on a constant loop in my head was, “poopy finger, poopy finger, poopy finger....poopy....finger!” My sister-in-law said she was wondering if he was going to make her suck on it like he did every other time he jammed his digits into her nether regions.



    But wait, there's more!

    Ana asks Christian who cleans the toys (this is after they've used the aforementioned butt plug), and he informs her it's either him, a submissive, or Mrs. Jones.



    Mrs Jones, the hired help. She's a maid and a cook, for pete's sake, not a wall-washer at the local gentleman's club! God! Can you imagine taking a housekeeping job with some 27-year-old douche canoe and all you're expecting is dusting, vacuuming, cooking, etc., and the next thing you know, he's handing you a bowl of used butt plugs? Or maybe he's not even handing them to you, he just mentions that, hey, that mysterious almost-always-locked spare room could use a good cleaning and you walk in to discover not only that you've stumbled into some kind of David Lynchian porn den, but you've also been greeted by the smell of stale sex and ass. And oh! There's a bowl of dirty butt plugs on the sideboard!



    Mr. and Mrs. Brady may have had their freaky naughty time, but I highly doubt they were crass enough to make Alice clean up after it.

    So then Ana takes the butt plug (yes, I'm still on this) and washes it off in the sink, then vaguely wonders if it needs to be sanitized somehow.



    Well, Ana.........................................I'm thinking yes. Yes, it should probably be subjected to some sort of sanitation process. But that's just my opinion.

    When you read scenes like that over the course of several books, it really comes as no surprise when you discover that Ana has missed several appointments with her gyno and apparently completely forgotten about her birth control shot. You know where this is going.

    Christian is going to fuhreeeaaak.

    “Christian, I'm pregnant.”

    And at first, Christian's all like



    But then he's like



    Then he storms out and is never heard from again.

    Ha! I wish 'cause that would've been the end of the story, and it would've served Ana right for being such an idiot. But alas, he returns and there's nothing to be done for it except more melodrama. He comes home drunk and Ana finds out he saw the “bitch troll” pedophile again, and she feels betrayed, and yadda yadda. So they fight, and this is the only time in any of the books that they actually have a raging screaming match, and yeah, it was about fucking time it happened, but even the fight is tainted by Ana's ridiculous assertions that if Christian touches her, he'll just get his way because her traitorous body will succumb to him.



    Christian spends the entire book shutting Ana up with his penis.

    So then the ending happens. Something about Hyde kidnapping Christian's sister or some shit. Ana saves the day. Funny. No, it really is 'cause the girl's dumb.

    Well, when that shit's all over, we get this weird-ass epilogue wherein Ana asserts that she thinks their in-utero daughter "likes sex already" because she's dancing around in her mother's womb after...sex? I guess so. There isn't a sex scene, so not only is this remark fucking weird, it's also oddly misplaced. Then Christian sucks popsicle off of his son's fingers.



    What is with E.L. James and the finger sucking?

    (Edit: A commenter brought to my attention the fact that there is indeed a sex scene before the aforementioned conversation about the baby liking sex. So I double-checked and yes, there is a sex scene right before. The confusion came about as the direct result of E.L. James's inability to maintain a coherent timeline.)

    After the epilogue, there's even more pointless drivel. The beginning of Fifty Shades of Grey from Christian's perspective! I can hear the collective squee and the panties droppin' and it kinda makes me wanna choke a bitch. But that's not even the worst of it. No, the worst is that it ends right as Christian's leaving the hardware store, and as the narrative comes to a close, the reader is treated to this: "That's all...for now."



    Please, someone break her hands. Do it quickly. Might as well cut out her tongue, as well, so she won't be able to dictate her nonsense.

    I think one of the best blurbs for this series (and this installment in particular) would have to be something my older sister said about it after I told her there's a Happily Ever After ending:

    "Maybe she'll write a fourth book in which, after having three kids, being isolated, and losing her job, he finally hits her and the cops get called, leading to his arrest. She leaves and takes half his damn shit plus child support. 'Cuz after three kids and several years, "down there" ain't gonna drip at the sight of him anymore." - Kimberly Brown

    Harsh and bitter? Perhaps, but that's reality. Like I said before, it would be nice if we could have a little realistic fantasy (it's not an oxymoron if you know what I'm talking about). Christian Grey might have been a desirable character if....well, if he weren't Christian Grey.

    To be honest, I'm disappointed in this review. I just can't seem to muster the same amount of enthusiasm as before. Or even come close. All I know is that I tried to write this twice before, but lost it both times due to computer error, and I took that as a sign that I shouldn't over-think it. Maybe this review reflects the book itself; haphazard and drained. Whatever the case, the only burst of energy I got during this book was at the end. When it was done. When I read that last word and knew I could finally, finally walk away from this trilogy...











    Yeah. It was that good. It was "taking a giant crap after being constipated for a week" good. Or "getting laid for the first time in years" good. I.felt.so.free.



    The only thing good about the Fifty Shades trilogy is the moment it finally ends.



    Word Count:
    “Oh my” - 52
    “Crap” - 46
    “Jeez” - 58
    "Holy (shit/fuck/crap/hell/cow/moses)" – 108
    "Whoa" - 14
    "Gasp" - 60
    "Gasps" - 15
    "Sharp Intake of Breath" - 2
    "Murmur" - 115
    "Murmurs" - 186
    "Whisper" - 194
    "Whispers" - 190
    "Mutter" - 88
    "Mutters" - 38
    "Fifty" - 67
    "Lip" - 51
    “Inner goddess” - 33
    “Subconscious” - 48
    Katrina Lumsden (Charlotte, MI)'s review of Fifty Shades Darker
    Katrina Lumsden (Charlotte, MI)'s review of Fifty Shades Freed


    I'm glad this woman took a hit (no inappropriate pun intended) and read this for us.
    choozen1ne likes this.
    You know, a dozen press agents working overtime can do terrible things to the human spirit. ~Cecil B. DeMille
    Gross, put it away. You could dress beautifully but you gotta be Miss Granny Panty Whore.
    ~Manx Mouse

    Life is a hell of a thing to happen to a person.


  9. #129
    Elite Member choozen1ne's Avatar
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    ^Thanks for taking one for the team - it's just so bad you can't even imagine how bad it is

  10. #130
    A*O
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    But the Twihards think this shit is high literature. Great reviews.
    I've never liked lesbianism - it leaves a bad taste in my mouth
    Dame Edna Everage

    Just because you're offended doesn't mean you're right.

  11. #131
    Elite Member Icepik's Avatar
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    I just read the review and realized that I must have skipped parts of the second book...or dozed off... because I don't remember reading some of the things they talked about.

    The review was hilarious, but the word count really proves how much words were over used...

    "Whisper" - 194
    "Whispers" - 190


    The book was what... about 400 pages or so (I can't remember and gave the book to a friend so I can't check) so the word "whisper/s" may as well been on every single page in that book.

  12. #132
    Elite Member Bellatheball's Avatar
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    OMG that gif of Johnny Depp running away brought tears to my eyes.

    As I was reading the third review it was obvious the author was pissed and only finishing it because she had to so the last part about her lack of enthusiasm was hilarious too.
    Waterslide likes this.

  13. #133
    Elite Member Kittylady's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ravenna View Post


    I think you're onto something!
    It's the missing Osmond sister!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by greysfang View Post
    Why is this thread still alive?
    I need something to direct my unresolved hate issues at while LeAnn Rimes and Tom Cruise are keeping a lid on the cray-cray.

    Also I floved Katrina Lumsden's reviews and the gifs had me howling with laughter but THIS



    doesn't make up for THIS



    I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. Hunter S Thompson

    How big would a T-Rex wang be?! - Karistiona


  14. #134
    Elite Member ana-mish-ana's Avatar
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    There is a rumour that James is doing a Midnight Sun - Oh I mean a Christian POV 4th book. She's also working on another erotic romance but this will be a Paranormal (who wants to bet it will have vamps in this?)

  15. #135
    Elite Member Kittylady's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ana-mish-ana View Post
    There is a rumour that James is doing a Midnight Sun - Oh I mean a Christian POV 4th book. She's also working on another erotic romance but this will be a Paranormal (who wants to bet it will have vamps in this?)
    Oh FFS! Not more!?

    It's a damn good job that she's made a shit load of money from the FSOG series because I can't see these selling even half as well. For every one person who has raved about the books there are at least five who have thought they were utter crap and are annoyed with themselves for being taken in by the hype. I wonder if her publisher will be providing her with a good assistant (AKA ghostwriter) for the next books?
    I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. Hunter S Thompson

    How big would a T-Rex wang be?! - Karistiona


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