The Legend of Toothy Tile

[WickedHo]

Originally Posted by LynnieD

Gyllenhaal flatly denies using a body double. As for his sexual orientation, he says this: "You know, it's flattering when there's a rumor that says I'm bisexual. It means I can play more kinds of roles. I'm open to whatever people want to call me. I've never really been attracted to men sexually, but I don't think I would be afraid of it if it happened."

If I were to play my favorite game, Devil's Advocate, I would say this confirms Jake as Toothy, given Toothy is looking for a way to come out.* The above statement could be Toothy's sneaky way of inching out of the closet: saying he wouldn't be afraid of sexual attraction to another man is far from saying he wouldn't be afraid to COME OUT as a gay man in Hollywood.

*I still don't think it's Jake. Ted says Toothy is GAY, not bisexual. Right??

[muchlove]

Yeah, but like a lot of people, Ted may not "believe" in bisexuality, and think that any attraction to the same sex = gay.

[WickedHo]

^^ Which is why I won't be shocked if it is Jake! I mean, if Ted were to say that Toothy Tile is bisexual, then I'd totally vote for Jake G. Hmmm... that gives me an idea. Perhaps I should email Ted and ask if Toothy is gay or bi...

[WickedHo]

^^ I am really really really really really really really afraid to ask, but: What the hell's a finger fest?

[stardust]

here's what I've found in Lainey's colum:

While most experienced, Ph.D. level gossips have been convinced for months that Jake Gyllenhaal is indeed a card carrying member of the Fabulous set, I have - perhaps blindly - had my doubts. In the face of mounting evidence to the contrary, I think it's time to collectively examine the carnal direction of Jake's peepee. Is he the Notorious G.A.Y.?? The Toothy Tile for whom Ted Casablanca has devoted so much column space? Let's recap…


Arguments in favour:

1. Young, celebrated actor - check. Jake's breakthrough role in Donnie Darko has inspired cult-like status among indie moviegoers across the board.

2. A cute ex/current girlfriend with dimples - check, although if you ask me, Kirsten Dunst being referred to as 'cute' is heavily debatable

3. Born in Farrah Fawcett's current enclave - check. Ted's most recent clue was that Toothy was born where Farrah resides. That would be LA and yes, it happens to be where Jake was born.

4. Brokeback Mountain - check. It's a gay western, need I say more???

5. Process of elimination - check. Ted has ruled out virtually every other young actor in Hollywood with the exception of Ryan Gosling, who - as we all know, thank Goddess! - was born in Canada.

I'm sure there are several more smoking gun revelations that you're sure to bombard me with but that's all I have time for. You get the idea though, right?


Arguments against:

1. It's just too obvious. I know, we're running out of options, but I can't help but think Jake is way too big of a name for Ted's coy little game. Besides, has anyone considered Colin Hanks???

2. Oscar night. Toothy was first introduced to the smutloving public on Oscar night, holding hands with his boyfriend in West Hollywood while the rest of the industry was kissing everyone else's ass at the Kodak. But Jake was a presenter that evening at the invitation of the Academy. And I don't care how fabulous you think he is - no one can be in 2 places at the same time.

3. Would Kirsten Dunst - an A list actor in her own right - really need to beard for someone else? Sure, she might be a faghag loud and proud, but from one faghag to another, I've never wrapped my arms around my queer boys and stuck my tongue down their throats no matter how much I adore them. And as much as the adoration is mutual, the thought of going wet mouth with me is probably enough to send all of them screeching away to a safe homo haven far from my repulsive female productive parts, hands flapping and feet stomping in dramatic diva fashion, stopping only to look at themselves in the mirror just long enough to suck in that tummy and admire the rock hard 8 pack. But I digress. Why would Kirsten Dunst, famously ambitious, famously selfish, famously party-hungry, and famously decadent ever agree to go back to Jake just to be his pretend girlfriend? Makes no sense to me. Sorry.


And finally…perhaps the most solid piece of evidence against a gay Jake reality…


4. He dresses badly. Really really really badly. Strategic cover up or not, no queen worth her tiara would ever walk out of her house looking less than uber-chic.


Breaking observations

So while I’m still fence-sitting on the great Jake question, I do feel compelled to note that he seemed quite content to be without Kirsten in Venice this weekend while promoting both Brokeback Mountain and Proof with Heath Ledger and Anthony Hopkins respectively. Don't you think it's curious that he and KD were in same town at the same time (she's there for Elizabethtown) but didn't spend any time together at all? Nothing to my knowledge. Not a brief visit at the hotel, not a late night drink, no sightings period. Are these just very disciplined actors who are focused on work over personal play time? Or have Kirsten and Orly really taken their attaction to the next level? Read on gossips…

I found this too .

[muchlove]

2. Oscar night. Toothy was first introduced to the smutloving public on Oscar night, holding hands with his boyfriend in West Hollywood while the rest of the industry was kissing everyone else's ass at the Kodak. But Jake was a presenter that evening at the invitation of the Academy. And I don't care how fabulous you think he is - no one can be in 2 places at the same time.

Excellent point! I hadn't thought of that before.

[esmereldagrubb]

So this TOothy Tile Guy is suppose to be my Jake Gyleenhall.....haha, ok , you guys believe whatever you want!

[phishtickie]

Originally Posted by simplekindoflovely

"Annoyingly perfect girlfriend"? Anyone else thinking of Orlando Bloom? Kate Bosworth seems to have the Girl-Next-Door complex down pat...

exactly my thoughts!!

[sputnik]

Originally Posted by phishtickie

exactly my thoughts!!

i thought of that too. the 'annoyingly perfect girlfriend' part fits kate bosworth perfectly, though i think she's more annoying than 'perfect'... for a second there i also thought it might be heath ledger, but this makes more sense (not to mention that it would kill me if heath went over to the dark side )
but then i suspect jordache junky is kate bosworth so i don't know how that all fits in...

[phishtickie]

the "dimples" part also seems to fit Kate Bosworth

[muchlove]

Ted already said that it's not Orlando Bloom. But it sure seems like it should be, doesn't it? lol.

[WickedHo]

Originally Posted by muchlove

Ted already said that it's not Orlando Bloom. But it sure seems like it should be, doesn't it? lol.

Besides, Orlando Bloom wasn't born in L.A. And he's English!

[phishtickie]

Of course hes english, but where does it say that TT was born in LA? I didnt see anyting like that.. Not to mention that he also denied Brittany Murphy is Jordache Junky... I do suspect that he pulls items if properly threatened by legal representatives..

[WickedHo]

^^ Someone wrote in from Orange County and guessed incorrectly. Ted then gave us another clue by saying TT was born south of OC.

[phishtickie]

ah ok, hadnt seen that. Damn it!! He would have been a perfect guess!