The Legend of Toothy Tile

**RevellingInSane** · September 9th, 2008, 10:35 PM

Ok, this proves Ted has lost his damn mind.

**LynnieD** · September 10th, 2008, 02:18 PM

From Ted today, though I could have sworn McConaughy had been notted already, but just in case:

Dear Ted:
You are so sassy! I knew Toothy Tile was Matthew McConaughey. And then you gave it away stating that Liev Schrieber and Toothy have a much in common...duh, like Liev scrambled is Levi, Matthew's new baby. Seriously! Brilliant. I'm a Republican, through and through...but honestly Ted, I think we would be great buddies. Why can't elephants and donkeys just get along? I adore you.
—J. Strauss

Dear Jungle Joneser:
Why does everybody in the world think M.M. is T.T.? (He's not.) I simply find that fascinating. Adore you back!

Dear Ted:
I love your column and even if you piss me off more often than not (especially when you badmouth Jennifer Aniston and Jen Garner), I just can't stop reading and following your work. I wish I knew how to quit ya! Is James Franco Toothy Tile?
—Lisa

Dear Toothy Tell All:
No, but dollmuff, you're so close more than a few fagolas in T-town are sweatin' plenty right about now. Nice detective work.

Bitch-Back! Close on Toothy, Tough on Palin - E! Online

**Sialia** · September 10th, 2008, 10:49 PM

ACK! This is so frustrating! I'm pretty sure Ted's said that before about Franco being super close but I just can't figure out who it would be. He's already notted the most obvious guess - Emile Hirsch, as well as Topher Grace. He hasn't done a movie with Jake G. so I'm not sure how, if Toothy is Jake, that James Franco is "so close". Other than the general physical characteristics (e.g. dark hair, etc.).

Others that he's said were close were Hayden Christiansen and Jared Leto.

**kersalli** · September 10th, 2008, 11:20 PM

" I'm not sure how, if Toothy is Jake, that James Franco is "so close"

The only connection I see is that Jake is often connected with Tobey McGuire because of the Spiderman situation (which, as most of you know James Franco was in).

Wait!! I just realized another Jake/James connection. Jake is a Columbia University alum and James Franco has just enrolled at Columbia University. Connection, no? Or, am I stretching?

**pete** · September 11th, 2008, 01:18 AM

Maybe Ted says James Franco is a close guess because James is Crotch Uh-Lastic, the other blind item.

“I wish I knew how to quit ya” is literally Jake’s dialogue in the film Brokeback Mountain. I think this quote is another reference to Toothy being Jake.

Dear Ted:
I love your column and even if you piss me off more often than not (especially when you badmouth Jennifer Aniston and Jen Garner), I just can't stop reading and following your work. I wish I knew how to quit ya! Is James Franco Toothy Tile?
—Lisa
Dear Toothy Tell All:
No, but dollmuff, you're so close more than a few fagolas in T-town are sweatin' plenty right about now. Nice detective work.

**Sarzy** · September 11th, 2008, 05:16 AM

^Ted didn't write that line though, the person writing to him did.

**Nova Mist** · September 11th, 2008, 06:20 AM

As if Ted is going to directly out anyone! If Toothy Tile isn't just a publicity stunt, I'm sure someone has already guessed. Maybe Toothless Ted is not cowardly - nor, from a legal standpoint, dumb - enough to actually out someone?

Whatever the answer is, it's annoying! And Ted is milking it for all its worth.

**SweetPea** · September 11th, 2008, 12:10 PM

Originally Posted by Sarzy

^Ted didn't write that line though, the person writing to him did.

Yes, but I think that's why he said she's sooooo close with that line.

**LynnieD** · September 17th, 2008, 08:33 AM

From Ted yesterday:

Dear Ted:
I think you are lovely and amazing. But why must you tease us so with the ongoing saga of Toothy Tile? Must we guess every actor in Hollywood until you have eliminated all but one? Since the answer is probably yes, I'll contribute a guess: Milo Ventimiglia. He went out with Alexis Bledel, and who better fits the description of "superannoyingly perfect" than the younger Gilmore? And Tile could be a contraction of "Twenty Miles," which his surname translates to. Alexis, Hayden P....With his tastes in beards, one could say Toothy has led astray the good girl, no?
—Jane, Australia

Dear S&M Wannabe:
Because torture is so delicious. And no on Milo, think even more famous a player.

Dear Ted:
Has Toothy curbed the public nooky sessions? Also, do his parents know he's gay?
—Angela

Dear Det. Debauched:
Yes and yes.

Bitch-Back! Posh's 'Do and Palin, Too! - E! Online

**Rianam** · September 17th, 2008, 08:37 AM

I'm not sure Jake fits the definition of a "player" though

**Sarzy** · September 17th, 2008, 12:17 PM

Originally Posted by Rianam

I'm not sure Jake fits the definition of a "player" though

Nope. I still don't think it's him. Or anyone really.

**LynnieD** · September 18th, 2008, 02:13 PM

From Ted today:

Dear Ted:
We get it, Jen Garner sucks. Onto more important things...Toothy Tile! Could you please run down the "And it's not..." list for me. After all this time, I am getting hazy on the Un-Toothy Tiles. My guess for T2...Matthew Broderick.
—Jen, Iowa

Dear Too Much Toothy:
Toothy's much sneakier than lame-ass Broderick. As for the list, check out the Internet. I do believe someone out there's been keeping track.

Dear Ted:
Is Toothy Tile Viggo Mortensen? You mentioned Lord of the Rings in one of your responses about a Toothy Tile guess.
—Cheryl

Dear Connection Failed:
Not the Lord of the Homo we're looking for dear, sorry. Think younger, less real-life brawny.

Dear Ted:
Love the new format—Monday mornings not so much, the yellow hurts my eyes. Toothy Tile has to be Matthew McConaughey. He has that "trying too hard" macho vibe. And the baby mama was a pragmatic career move.
—Groutless in Toronto

Dear Macho, Macho Matt:
Matt's more Hickville than Gayville, sorry. But at least he's not Toothy, I'll say that much.

Bitch-Back! Agreeing on Garner, Teething for Toothy - E! Online

AGAIN notting McCounagay.....we get it.