Ted Casablanca 05/01/08

pusssykatt · May 2nd, 2008, 08:18 PM

Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth
One Girlie, Gonzo Blind Vice: As I’m off to get hitched, thought it would be terribly appropriate to give you a little salacious het-on-het action. I mean, why not, more straights than fruits get married, right? Oh, but could that just be because it’s only legal for you guys? Never mind. This isn’t a political soap bitch; it’s a Blind Vice, and as intent as I was to bring on the hetero horniness, Vadge Fly-Trap interfered. Or at least her gal-hungry paws did. Vadge, really, is just as ballsy as most of the guys she’s simply clobbered in the Biz. More so, I’d say. She’s sorta like that Spitzer dude in fact—so obviously gunnin’ for the girls, while (stupidly) thinking nobody’ll notice. Hardly! While Ms. VFT rakes in the major dough for her TV and movie appearances, much of the world may indeed have fallen in love with her, but I’m tellin’ ya, those worshippers certainly don’t include some rich-ass Bev Hills babes. "She was sitting next to me, and her hand kept brushing up against my leg!" revealed one 30ish, single, Chanel-suited gal (who doesn’t like gals, at least, not in that way), regarding a luncheon party she attended with Ms. Fly-Trap. "She was actually squeezing my thigh at one point," continued the guy-lovin’ lady, "and I, very directly, just had to ask her to stop it." How very polite. What’s the matter with a good ol’ bitch-slap to the overly painted puss, huh? I mean, if a guy had done that to some broad who didn’t want it, it’s safe to assume his pucker would be sucker-punched, essentially. Oh, completely forgot. People dare not cross Vadge Fly-Trap, that’s why. She is, in T-town, what Tom Cruise used to be: megapowered and poop-proof. But not for very much longer. AND IT AIN’T: Paris Hilton; Scarlett Johansson; Martha Stewart

Sasha · May 2nd, 2008, 09:06 PM

Err, Madonna?

"mega powered"

The tv appearances thing threw me until I remembered she's had more than one HBO concert special.

Life · May 2nd, 2008, 09:27 PM

Definitely Madge LOL!

LynnieD · May 3rd, 2008, 10:09 AM

Sounds like Oprah to me.

Jupiter Jones · May 3rd, 2008, 11:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LynnieD

Sounds like Oprah to me.

I agree. Madonna doesn't quite fit the description, since most of her fortune/fame comes from music and not from TV or movies. Oprah is the only woman I can think of who is "Mega-powered and poop-proof".

Nevermind, Katie Couric doesn't do movies.

Sarzy · May 3rd, 2008, 11:52 AM

I don't think it's Madonna at all. Oprah is much more likely. But does she still 'rake in major dough' for movie appearances?

Jupiter Jones · May 3rd, 2008, 12:13 PM

Angelina Jolie is also both mega-powered and poop-proof. It's known she's dated women in the past, but now she's in a commitment with Brad Pitt. If it was discovered she is fooling around outside their relationship, the whole "Saint Angelina" veneer would fall apart.

Also, the " I mean, why not, more straights than fruits get married, right? Oh, but could that just be because it’s only legal for you guys?" could be a reference to Brad and Angelina's statement about not getting married until everyone has the right.

Belindagogo · May 3rd, 2008, 12:31 PM

usually when Ted say's and it aint... it's supposed to be hint. The opposite of a blonde? Angelina?

Sasha · May 3rd, 2008, 01:13 PM

Has AJ done any tv?

Quote:

While Ms. VFT rakes in the major dough for her TV and movie appearances,

rummer · May 3rd, 2008, 05:58 PM

Cameron Diaz. Hands down.

sparkly · May 4th, 2008, 12:41 AM

The first person that came to mind is Madonna.

If it were Angelina, I don't think most people would be surprised to learn that she gripped some lady's leg in a sexual manner. After all, this is the same chick who made out with her brother on tv.

cherrybaby · May 4th, 2008, 10:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sasha

Has AJ done any tv?

Very little. From IMDb, 3 TV movies in the late 90s, the last one being Gia, which was the first role that really brought attention to her so she wasn't "raking in major dough from TV appearances".

sputnik · May 4th, 2008, 10:25 AM

it's obviously not paris or scarlett so martha stewart's the clue, and that would make oprah the obvious guess. her or some other seasoned famous tv personality/host that's been in movies and is famous outside the US too.