Ted C. Blind Item 2/28/08-One Showered-n-Deflowered Blind Vice

sparkly · February 28th, 2008, 10:00 PM

Blind Spot - Feb 28, 2008
One Showered 'n' Deflowered Blind Vice
What did we say last week, that H-town’s full of nervous Nellies too ‘fraid to come outta the closet? Yep, that’s what we declared. And now, darlings, we’ve got Chumpy "Shepp" Impaled to prove it. Poor thing, he just doesn’t have any idea whatsoever he’s helping us with our little goss class project. Too bad. Now, Chumpy’s not predictably handsome, but he is—we assure you—wholly doable in the sack (not that many folks would know, really). Terribly shy and certainly not out, this lad is. Kinda dorky, too. But like, girlfriends, when you nuzzle that boy’s neck and work the tasty dough down below just right, this baby’s slightly pudgy cookies are yours for the taking, trust!
Case in point: A terribly untrustworthy journalist, who shall remain nameless in this already anon tally of salaciousness, befriended CSI at a fairly small but awfully popular Hell-Ay gym. Chump-babe and the journo—let’s call him Schlong Wad, just for good measure—befriended each other in—get this—the showers. How romantic, eh? Let’s leave the dropped-soap analogies (they’re unnecessary, just read on) and mosey on over to the most fascinating fact. It’s that Chumpy, known for his lovable character work on the boob-tube, had never before had sex with a dude, though he’d always been curious. Oh, who the hell isn’t? (Shut up right now, B. Pitt, we so know you are.)
Next thing ya know, Schlong’s workin’ overtime with the compliments on Red’s many talents, which are, to be true, average. What a fabulous actor! How handsome! Such a gorgeous smile! All this poopy-cock that you chicks have been seein’ through for centuries, but Chump nevertheless totally bit, pickup line and sinker.
Right into S.W.’s Hollywood Hills digs and onto Mr. Wad’s mattress, which is precisely where Chumpy found out what it’s like to be the pea in Wad’s pod. Ouch! But Yum-O, declared Chumpy, like some sort of Rachael Ray orgasmic new naughty discovery. Such the shame that Wad, prick he be, is busy telling everybody he can.

And It Ain't

McJag · February 28th, 2008, 10:04 PM

Drew Cary?

CCkissesx · February 28th, 2008, 10:07 PM

Chumpy "Shepp" Impaled = CSI supposed to be a clue?

Sialia · February 28th, 2008, 10:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CCkissesx

Chumpy "Shepp" Impaled = CSI supposed to be a clue?

Yeah that's what I thought. Plus Ted refers to him as "Red" later in the BI. I would laugh so hard if this were David Caruso.

Is there anyone else on any of the CSIs with red hair and slightly chubby? This can't really be David C since no one would refer to him as "lovable". He's a prick.

Maybe the "Shepp" part implies that this guy is known by some nickname?

MissDecember · February 28th, 2008, 10:30 PM

I would love it if this was Caruso, but I don't consider him chubby.

Sialia · February 28th, 2008, 10:43 PM

^^^Nah I wouldn't say so either. But he does kind of seem pasty to me so that could work with the "doughy" comments.

Still don't think it's him, though. I'm trying to figure out what hints are in the "And it ain'ts".

Dean James · February 28th, 2008, 11:28 PM

Conan O'Brian? Red, doughy, same as Jimmy Kimmel in a way...

I dunno, this could be anyone.

cherrybaby · February 28th, 2008, 11:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sialia

^^^Nah I wouldn't say so either. But he does kind of seem pasty to me so that could work with the "doughy" comments.

Still don't think it's him, though. I'm trying to figure out what hints are in the "And it ain'ts".

I don't know. I can't make sense of it: one from a comedy, one a talk show host and one from a cable show?

Beeyotch · February 28th, 2008, 11:38 PM

What's his name from That 70's Show. The lanky guy who plays Forman? He's had gay rumors about him I think, or at least pinged people's gay-dar's enough to make them wonder. What's his name...

*Topher Grace! Maybe it isn't him, as his show isn't on anymore, and Ted makes it sound like CSI has a current show...CSI, hmm...must think some more.

**OH, and did he basically just out BRAD PITT as BI?

sparkly · February 28th, 2008, 11:44 PM

Everyone at eonline who posted in the comments section of Blind Vice says it has to be David Caruso from CSI. They said because of "CSI" the nickname, calling him Red, the "it ain't" David Schwimmer.And Kevin Connelly's facial expression is apparently the exact same one Caruso makes on his show.

judejack · February 29th, 2008, 12:20 AM

"terribly shy" and "that boy's neck" steer me far from David Caruso. He's not shy and hardly a boy. Someone younger, I think.

RevellingInSane · February 29th, 2008, 01:19 AM

"Girlfriends" made me think of Kelsey Grammer. His name is really Allen Kelsey Grammer, but he is referred to a lot as Frasier.

The journo? Hmm, Shepherd Smith or Bill O'Reilly maybe?

LynnieD · February 29th, 2008, 08:13 AM

I thought of Matt LeBlanc or Kevin James for some reason..

And Shepard Smith for the journo????

donotstalk · February 29th, 2008, 09:54 AM

I don't know if it's of any significance. but William Peterson was the star of Thomas Harris' movie adaptaion back in the 80's of the book Red Dragon...except it was renamed Manhunter, I think. It was remade with Ed Norton after the success of the Hannibal films.

Sialia · February 29th, 2008, 10:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by donotstalk

I don't know if it's of any significance. but William Peterson was the star of Thomas Harris' movie adaptaion back in the 80's of the book Red Dragon...except it was renamed Manhunter, I think. It was remade with Ed Norton after the success of the Hannibal films.

Oh that's good. WP was my first thought for the blind but then couldn't figure out how the "Red" part fit.

The CSI thing is pretty obvious, though, and I don't know if Ted would be that obvious. (God knows, most of the time he's not even coherent).