One Stunted, Surly Blind Vice 12/02

LynnieD · December 2nd, 2005, 07:20 AM

One Stunted, Surly Blind Vice

I'm so over my high school days that I don't even know where my friggin' yearbook is. Aren't you?

Well, you me and Drew Barrymore are all prolly more adjusted than former teen heartthrob Jumbo Jackoff. Girls crushed on him. Guys secretly wanted to dress like him. And moms were like, eh, he's not exactly David Cassidy, but he's okay.

Now, we've heard tales of woebegone child stars. They get hooked on crack and rob convenience stores. They bloat up and show up on The Surreal Life. Oddly enuff, J.J. is not one of these types of dudes.

He's moved on. He's had plenty of success as a stern adult. Jackoff is, like, totally settled. He's got a nice family and a hefty, respectable workload--which is exactly why his chums don't understand why he's such a damn douche bag, as of late.

For ince, when jerky Jack meets people, and I mean equally famous folks, he tells them not to mention his teenyboppin' past--under no circumstances (or he'll smack somebody, no joke). He even got his number-two pencils in a bunch at a wedding and accused a perfectly nice couple of mocking him when they very obviously were not.

I think J.J. should dip into his royalties and get some therapy. 'Cause if Jackoff keeps up the nasty, one of these days, someone's gonna bash him over the head with a lunch tray in line at the studio commissary.

Come to think of it, I think somebody already did.

And it aint: Joey Lawrence, Jason Priestly or Danny Bonaduce

I say Marky Mark. He hates it when people call him that. He's also a decent actor and has had numerous roles as of late...and he seems like an asshole everytime I see him interviewed...

southernbelle · December 2nd, 2005, 08:30 AM

My first thought was Jonathan Taylor Thomas ("JTT") because of the word "stunted." He's like 5'4". But then I read the part about having a family and a hefty workload today so I don't think it can be him.

moocow · December 2nd, 2005, 08:32 AM

Marky Mark fit after I read jerky jerk. After that, I couldn't think of anyone else.

CherryDarling · December 2nd, 2005, 10:42 AM

I was thinking Marky Mark or his brother Donnie Wahlberg. But more likely, it's Mark.

miss_perfect · December 2nd, 2005, 11:18 AM

I thought Mark wasn't married, only that he was Rhea Durham's baby daddy. I was going to say Mark-Paul Gosselaar (aka Zack Morris, has been working on NYPD Blue and Commander in Chief, not to mention some movies). Number two pencils made me think of Saved by the Bell.

moocow · December 2nd, 2005, 11:20 AM

Just says family, not wife. They're still together, right?

miss_perfect · December 2nd, 2005, 11:23 AM

I thought it was common knowledge though, that Mark Wahlberg didn't like to talk about his Marky Mark past.

browneyedgirly · December 2nd, 2005, 11:36 AM

What about Sean Astin? He's really short and was famous for Goonies.
Also, he was in 50 first dates with Drew.

lane6866 · December 2nd, 2005, 11:59 AM

My instincts tell me, sadly, that it's probably Johnny Depp. Family, but no mention of wife. Did well after teen idolatry, and known to have disliked the experience. And just eccentric enough to go off the deep end in this way...Marlon Brando...here we go again...

stardust · December 2nd, 2005, 12:36 PM

well, I read something a month ago about donnie walbergh's kid having problems at school because kids were annoying him saying his father was in a boy band and donnie was having a difficult time trying to explain all of this to his kid. so my bet is on him.

card · December 2nd, 2005, 12:37 PM

Depp didn't get to Hollywood until he was an adult, or at least 18. This blind vice sounds like it could be a child star. What about Kurt Russell? He has a family and Goldie, and a very respectable workload, and has been an adult for a long time. He made lots of movies as a young teen. JTT doesn't have a family. Sean Astin is married with kids. Though I hate to think it is Kurt. Just working on purely statistical info at this point.

Wait a minute, John Cusack once said something like "I was a child star, isn't that bad enough?". But he doesn't have any kids or wife. But his family is tightly knit.

Just tossing other ideas out.........

muchlove · December 2nd, 2005, 12:48 PM

John Cusack was a child star?

I think Marky Mark sounds right...

card · December 2nd, 2005, 12:53 PM

Yeah he did movies as a teen, in the early 1980's, 16 Candles while still in high school. Not significant enough to be this person probably, but he did make that surly comment about being a child star, and he's been known to be kind of a jerk sometimes.

Marky Mark is a very good guess. I like that guess much better than Johnny Depp (notice my crush!). Johnny Depp doesn't even live in the U.S. so he's not too caught up in the hollywood lifestyle.

beebee · December 2nd, 2005, 10:33 PM

Oooooh... I gotta go with Shaun Cassidy. Some may remember his early music days as a very young teen heart-throb... and 1/2 brother to another older teen heart-throb... others may recall his fab acting on "The Hardy Boys". But his recent claim to fame is Exec. Producer and Creator of the popular TV newcomer "Invasion".

He just welcomed child #4 and I read somewhere he doesn't like going by Shaun. He prefers being introduced as Mr. Cassidy... people don't seem to make the connection when his first name doesn't come in to play.

SammysMom · December 2nd, 2005, 10:46 PM

My first thought was Michael J Fox. He was a "child" star in Canada and since he played a so called nerd on Family Ties I thought the #2 pencil. But I do agree with beebee on Shaun Cassidy.