Ted Casablanca 07/03/07

[pusssykatt]

Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth
One Pansy-Pushing Blind Vice: Bulbous Seymour is one fine piece o' man-lovin’ meat. Not a bad actor, either. But Bulbous knows—just like most audiences and H-town execs are aware—that his best talents lie not on the silver screen but in the golden nether regions of B.S.’ impressive bod. Yeah, he’s a stud. And what do studs do best? Now, before I get too carried away on whatever (or whomever) Bulbous utilizes his heavenly powers for—this Blind Vice ain’t about him. Well, not exactly. See, Mr. Es has been doing what we here at the Awful Truth live for: gossiping about other closeted homosexual movie stars! Too fun for the hard-abbed tum! Delish, darlin's, so let’s get to whom B.S. is blabbin’ ‘bout: Toothy Tile, natch. You were expecting Gussy 'n' Fussy, perhaps? Like, who cares about those ersatz het jokers anymore? (Not too many folks, I assure ya.) Nah, it’s all about Toothy Tile—and when the hell this gorgeous scaredy-puss is gonna disclose his sexual pref, already—and Bulbous knows this fagola factoid. So much so, he’s been mouthing off at chic Hell-Ay events about just how Toothy isn’t foolin’ anybody. Well, I beg to differ. Had I been at this one par-tick fancy-schmancy soiree, I would have gladly explained to B.S. that half of Bush’s “Mare-kuh” thinks T.T. is as heterosexual as our current prez. Wait, Bush is straight, isn’t he? Don’t answer that, actually, do not want to go there… Back to B.S., who’s clearly dying for Toothy’s sexuality to come to the surface so the media will ease off his dubious dame-doin' existence. Uh, word to the unwise wower: Boyfriend, you just keep on gettin’ higher 'n' higher at those swell dos you go to. You’ll be outing Toothy long before anybody like moi would ever dream of doing so. AND IT AIN’T: Sean Penn; Colin Farrell; Will Smith

AGC MAIN PAGE BLIND ITEMS

[kingcap72]

Matt McConaughey, or however you spell his last name, talking about Jake G.?

[cherrychip]

Posters on another board (are we allowed to divulge the names of other boards here?) think it may be Owen Wilson, w/ his odd nose that could be considered bulbous. They also said Bulbous Seymour could be a shout-out to Butterscotch Stallion.

[RevellingInSane]

Is Owen known for a great bod? Too many Texas references here so I am going with McConaghey as the motormouth and "Mare-kuh" gives me the picture of a horse, you know like that movie about mountings...err...mountains with ole Jakey G.

[McJag]

Originally Posted by kingcap72

Matt McConaughey, or however you spell his last name, talking about Jake G.?

Oh yeah. Let there be no doubt,Sugar!

[SweetPea]

Yup, the Texas reference and the fact that MM's sexuality has been speculated about so much lately.

[RevellingInSane]

I am willing to give to charity and work my magic to make McConaughey straight. hehehe