Ted Casablanca 03/29

pusssykatt · March 30th, 2007, 11:51 AM

Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth
Yeah, well, Slurpa Pop_Off’s (Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth) hair extensions were just falling out the other night at a fancy-ass party—I'm so riveted by that one, aren't you all, my jaded nelly-jellies? Really, I am. Nevertheless, I'm going to go with a new member of the Blind Vice family—though, I must say, what earns her a mention in these asshole annals of abhorrent Hell-Ay behavior among the rich and stupid, is, well, utterly stupidola (and nothing new)! Read on: Apple Marvini has it all (and I mean all). She's loaded as s--t. She's fairly well dressed, still got a decent bod. She gives regularly to charity, she's not without talent and she's newly searching for a legalized mattress mate—such fun when money's no object, n'est-ce pas? But perhaps that's just the prob. The only guys A.M. seems to attract (including her most promising current prospect for a union) are those who are also into the majorly moneyed habits, not so much activities involving multiple climaxes and cleaning up the sheets afterward. Yes, like many a less well-off gal throughout the nation, Ms. Em has found herself hankering for a dude who cares more about having his undies starched than dirtying up hers. Why do women do this, time after time? Granted, making the help cry can be sickly fascinating (A. and her "man" do this equally adeptly), but isn't holding the one you love—and lust for—till the sun comes up worth anything? Not to A.M., apparently. As she has, after all, made it quite clear she's not overly fond of what that cuddling (and accompanying commotion) produced with her last man. AND IT AIN’T: Martha Stewart, Oprah Winfrey, Kate Hudson

AGC MAIN PAGE BLIND ITEMS

LynnieD · March 30th, 2007, 11:57 AM

Ok, I actually REALLY tried to read this and understand what the hell he is saying. But honestly, after like the third sentence my head was spinning.

So, I'll go w/the first chick that popped in my head, and I'm sure I'm wrong, since I have no idea what the hell this vice is even about, but Teri Hatcher. No reason, just that she's dating a scumbag....

VenusInFauxFurs · March 30th, 2007, 12:00 PM

I read a few sentences and had to stop.

Geisha · March 30th, 2007, 12:34 PM

I thought Angelina Jolie for some reason

Dean James · March 30th, 2007, 12:37 PM

Jennifer Anniston with Vince Vaughn as her last bad relationship?

He was all over the place with that one today, he must've been drunk-typing.

Mira · March 30th, 2007, 12:43 PM

^No shit Dean... well I started with syllables matching... came up with Penelope Cruz, except she's not getting married and we all know Hartnett likes to be serviced so.... :shrug:

SweetPea · March 30th, 2007, 01:07 PM

I thought Sharon Stone. (the commotion being the dragon biter)

What's with him cursing in plain daylight?

Mira · March 30th, 2007, 01:14 PM

^Yeah, he's getting more daring the closer his contract expires. Oh and I think you're right. I just re-researched Slurpa Pop-Off... I had forgotten the answer to that is probably Sharon Stone.

Bricks and Stones......may break my bones but names will never hurt me!: Monday, July 03, 2006

(Scroll down to: "Ted Casablanca Blind Item - "One Girlie Galore Blind Vice")

happy8 · March 30th, 2007, 10:23 PM

Ok... HUH. He's nuts.

.Loaded as shit makes me think of Candy Spelling.

Mira · March 30th, 2007, 10:29 PM

Hmmm, well I went back and re-read the item... when I first read it I said OK it's an older woman because of the two and it ain'ts being older. Kate Hudson in there is the wild card, so I'd have to say: blond, skinny, perky > all point to Sharon Stone.

Raspberry gashes · March 31st, 2007, 04:45 AM

Ted always almost sends me insane with his way with words.

I'm going to throw in Jennifer Aniston.

Mira · March 31st, 2007, 10:57 AM

^That makes sense since your posting it made me remember that Sharon Stone doesn't seem to be looking for an actual husband these days, but JA might be. She may be old-fashioned about being legally hitched before/during/right after having a baby. :shrug:

Deester · April 2nd, 2007, 12:23 PM

Jennifer Aniston is far more loaded than Sharon Stone. My vote goes to JA.

SweetPea · April 2nd, 2007, 01:18 PM

Ms. Em has found herself hankering for a dude who cares more about having his undies starched than dirtying up hers. Why do women do this, time after time?

So this statement leads me to believe she doesn't want sex with the guy.

nessysuperstar · April 3rd, 2007, 01:12 AM

For some reason I think this one is Courtney Cox.
"she's newly searching for a legalized mattress mate—such fun when money's no object, n'est-ce pas?" David and her are separated.
" But perhaps that's just the prob. The only guys A.M. seems to attract (including her most promising current prospect for a union) are those who are also into the majorly moneyed habits, " I think this is referring to drug usage since Courney is a notorious cokehead and would love to have a partner in crime since Arquette is supposedly sober.

"Yes, like many a less well-off gal throughout the nation, Ms. Em has found herself hankering for a dude who cares more about having his undies starched than dirtying up hers." I don't know what the hell this means! Sometimes Ted seems to have lost it!!
Why do women do this, time after time? Granted, making the help cry can be sickly fascinating (A. and her "man" do this equally adeptly),-I think I read on Lainey's gossip or somewhere that Courtney was a bitch on wheels to work for and notoriously rude!!
" As she has, after all, made it quite clear she's not overly fond of what that cuddling (and accompanying commotion) produced with her last man." I always see photos of David and the child but rarely one of Courtney and the kid.

I also don't think Slurpa Pop is Sharon Stone. I think its Paris. She's had bi affairs with Lindsay Britney and Nicole which adds that weird dynamic of why the relationships are always on/off again and so fueled by jealousy. I suppose all the drugs don't help either!!!