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Thread: The Legend of Toothy Tile

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    Hit By Ban Bus! WickedHo's Avatar
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    Default The Legend of Toothy Tile

    3/10/05

    One Adorable Blind Vice
    Okay, sugar-muffins, the only reason this one's in the Vice section is because until quite recently, Toothy Tile was dating his superpopular, superannoyingly perfect girlfriend. Not boyfriend. Which, if you ask this old gossip whore, is the classification Tile would prefer his significant others be filed under in the very near future.
    Mere days ago, while everyone was hooting and complaining about this gown and that host from the Oscars, Tile was right out in the open holding hands with his man in a West Hollywood restaurant--which shall remain nameless...because I love going there and they probably won't serve me anymore if I start outing their customers, ca-friggin'-peesh?
    Not that I'd be outting anybody, anyway. Mr. Tile took care of that himself. Covertly, but he did it.
    It was late in the afternoon; everybody had cleared out. Save Tile and his man-amigo, who extended his hands flat on the marble table (yes, that's a hint) until they were intertwined with Tile's. Massive smiles then appeared on both daring dudes.
    Too sweet! And such a departure for this debauched department, doncha think? Don't worry, as sure as Tile's famous ex knew, deep down, way below her doable dimples, what Tile really wanted (hence, the breakup), next week, we'll be right back on salacious patrol, damn sure.
    NOT: Toby Maguire, Keanu Reeves, Jamie Foxx

    3/24/05
    One Window-Fogged Blind Vice
    This one's getting interesting.
    Remember Toothy Tile from One Adorable Blind Vice? The sweet movie-star guy who was surreptitiously holding digits with his boyfriend at a West Hollywood restaurant? Well, he's at it again. Only, this time, more than digits are being utilized. At least the ones...never mind.
    So, there T2 is with the stud-unit again. In the concrete parking structure of a very popular Hell-Ay shopping enclave. It was dark. Not too many shoppers were around.
    Could this be why handsome Tooth (whose legs, I feel, have been vastly undersold, thanks to his mega-charming smile) saw fit to smooch his companion in their car, reclining their seats as far back as Faye Dunaway's forehead. And this kissing scene didn't simply occur in first, my dears. No, Tile brought the all-man, all-body Frenching session right on home, full throttle, all the way to fifth, I'd say.
    Damn, that boy's a gusty speed racer.

    4/20/05
    · Sunday, 6 p.m., upper Runyon Canyon, saw a toothy (and built) Jake Gyllenhaal jogging with his dog (but no jogging partner, male or female)…but not so sure the shaved head look is all that sexy.

    5/26/05

    One Multimedia Blind Vice
    Okay, my dishin' darlings, Toothy Tile's back for a raunchy round three. Let's see, we've had T.T., a handsome boy, by far, hand-holding at restaurants, snogging his man-love in Hell-Ay's subterranean parking lots...What's next, an Oprah appearance with Toothy declaring his love for the good-lookin' b-f?
    Close. Very close.
    Word on the homo-connected nut-vine has it that Toothy's been in talks with an Oprah-esque mag (i.e., huge circulation, other media connections like TV networks) about coming out of the closet. Not as gay, but as...bisexual.
    This, of course, would help explain T.T.'s past dating experience with lithe female movie stars. But (as is often the case with love) now he can't control the fact that he's in a major butterfly state with a dude (don't you hate it when that happens?).
    At least, that's the plan--to be done with a queer writer for added politically correct synergy (some say for guaranteed taste, but I don't trust these reporters, regardless of their sexual orientation).
    It'll be most interesting. Particularly when Mr. Tile's big-screen job makes a very sensual, boyish splash at the same time.
    NOT: Will Smith, Val Kilmer, Tobey Maguire

    The Moist Eyes Have It
    Jake Gyllenhaal, hiking up Hell-Ay's Runyon Canyon with his midsize pooch and stud-worthy abs. He was all by his lonesome, sporting a short buzz job and baggy shorts, but who the hell could see if the gams were any good, what with those blinding tummy muscles...Whew! Come on, darlin' Kirsten, what were you thinking? Lost in some kinda thought, too, was Mr. G., quite the moody man (at least right now, huh?). Strutting in a diff jungle altogether was hottie-honey..



    6/26/05
    One Hair-Raising Blind Vice
    Slurpina Regina is renowned for doing what guys love the most, and usually chicks don't. And, no, I'm not talking about bottom-line boinking. Get your minds outta the gonzo gutter, already. I'm not that bad. Yet.
    Slurp, for short (just like her), broke up not long ago with her cute man, Smiley Fakeit. Now, though S. 'n' S. have both made a killing in their chosen professions, it's rather ironic that neither of them are a bit like the public thinks.
    But then that goes for the majority of Hollywood, doesn't it?
    Back to the broken-up honeys: Like many romantic fools, Slurp and Smiley have attempted post-split friendship. Rarely works, right? As one or the other partner is usually still hooked. Just like our talented gal, Slurp.

    So, there S.S. is at S.F.'s hillside Hell-Ay-area abode, swinging with the young and the Beemer-driving set. And oh, look! It's a pajama party! How retro-Hef! Last one in the fake-rock Jacuzzi is an underwearing-equipped egg!
    Amidst the heavy-duty, NC-17 smooching and groping, Smiley flirts with Slurp just enough to keep her hooked. Throws out a few "love ya's" just to keep that passive-aggressive tether tight, doncha know. What a highlighted canine.
    Unbeknownst to Ms. Regina, there at the poke-adelic party is a dude who would die to do her right. And not just there at the stupid-ass themed soiree. The morning after. And the one after that, he professes to one of Smiley's good chums. But the amigo says, no, back off, Smiley wants to get back together with Slurp. Bummer.
    Bigger bummer: Not long after a naïvely hopeful Slurpina departs, her anonymous love wannabe walks into Mr. F.'s boudoir to say good night. Of course, he's busy doing you know what to some random babe from the party.
    Dudes--they're dogs, just like I said.

    Jake Gyllenhaal, stealing away to a dark, damp enclave at Olé! Tapas Bar. Studio City. The Valley. Ain't superfame such the damn bitch? Give the a guy a break, already, and let him eat his friggin' fish dinner in peace! Seated in a booth with a kinda yummy guy-pal--about his age, shorter than Jake, with an Ashton Kutcher 'do--J.G. easily pulled off that aw-shucks sexiness in loose jeans and an untucked white button-down. Could Jake have been discussing getting back with Kirsten, just dude-to-dude? Regardless, Ms. D.'s leftover hunk noshed on a seafood medley, while his bud diligently chewed up steak tips. You read it raw here first!

  2. #2
    Hit By Ban Bus! WickedHo's Avatar
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    Default The Legend of Toothy Tile Part 2

    7/28/05
    One Confused Blind Vice
    Toothy Tile, the rising young male star who secretly likes boys, is creating quite the media sitch. Not only am I told by same-sex inside sources that Mr. T. is still speaking with media representatives about coming out of the closet (much to the dissatisfaction of T.T.'s ten-percent crowd), but poor T. is feeling a tad...pulled.
    He really loves his old g-f. That much is very clear. Nevertheless, T.T. is not breaking up with his (largely unknown) boyfriend, even though Mr. T.--whose dimples nevertheless remain quite dreamy through all this suspenseful tsuris--is not quite sure what, exactly, to do about the ex-girlfriend.
    What's a bisexual budding star to do?
    Oh, probably what all the rest of 'em do: stay right in the damn closet.
    Care to prove me wrong, Tooth?
    8/11/05
    As any reader of this filthy column knows damn well by now, our boy Tooth--much like Seymour, above--likes taking chances. He does it in the parking garages of Hell-Ay's more bourgeois shopping centers. On restaurant balconies--hell, wherever there's a chance of getting caught.
    Just like he did last weekend. Parking lot right off the Strip. T.T. and his b-f (for whom, I'm told, Toothy has considered very heavily coming out of the proverbial media closet) were "hard-core" doing the diddly, say their concerned amigos.
    Only problem was, a security cop called the real coppers, who hand-slapped T.T. something good. Alas, somebody's somebody called the head somebody at the police station, and the whole thing got covered up--just like most of the fun stuff does in this ass-greasing enclave.
    So, don't expect Mr. T. to bare his bisexual soul anytime soon. I hear his relationship with the same-sex partner is suddenly not quite as gung-ho as it has been for months previous. Toothy got so friggin' scared he's edging back in the closet. And--you guessed it--the opposite-sex ex is soothing Tile's bruised psyche.
    Hey, don't sweat it, Tooth. I once did it on the Long Island Railroad with my then beach boy, and the conductor happened by. Oops. Didn't ask for my ticket, funny enough.
    NOT: Sean Patrick Thomas, Johnny Depp, Michael Vartan, Johnny Knoxville, Seth Green

    10/06/05
    One Here-We-Go-Again Blind Vice
    Ya think Toothy Tile is the only dude out there doing high jumps over the sexuality fence? Uh-uh. Chump Dump is up to his girlie hairdo in politically motivated mushy goings-on.
    See, C.D. had a red-hot career at one time. Making the real girlies go gaga over his supposedly boyish charm (little did the screaming fans know it was their older bros at home whom Chump would have preferred see squealing with wide-eyed delight). Now he's notsohotso.
    But wait! New projects are in the works! So, new honey-pies are required. Don't worry, faster than you can say "devil's food cake sale," said significant other has been arranged, photographed and properly publicity-spun. Only probs being the following: Dump's got better hair (bad move); and Chump's boyfriend is fit to be (un)tied. Expect trouble.
    NOT: Tom Cruise, Tobey Maguire, Jerry (from stand by me)
    11/04/05
    One Forced Fagola Blind Vice
    Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're tired of Toothy Tile. But, darlings, the way folks are yappin' lately, this might be one of my last chances to discuss the closeted and increasingly curious conundrums of T2!
    Tragic, I know.
    Now what you might not realize is that T.T. and his boyfriend have their own share of Jude Law-and-Sadie Frost-style drama. They were on for forevah. Then they broke up. And now, phew, they're on! (And Toothy's public "girlfriend" is fadin' into the background fast.)
    But here's the (big) prob: Everyone loves a good drama. And some people couldn't give a Simpson's ass about Nick and Jessica. These folks--all fancy, rich and A-list, mind you--like dishin' on Toothy and his b-f instead. Where have they been having sex in their butch automobiles lately? Jeez. Their li'l relationship is like the cocktail fodder at WeHo's most elite, gay gatherings.
    NOT: Joaquin Phoenix (and two other guys I don't recognize)
    Some het ones, too.
    Why, darlings, at all the best Halloween do's, particularly one held by a mucho impressive movie director, it's the only thing folks could blab on about--all the poor Cher impersonators were driven to near tears 'cause no one paid them no damn mind!
    Also, big-name big-timers are openly chatting about T2's homo-rrific love life. No whispers required. It's, forgive the pun, out there. Everywhere.
    So, if everyone who's anyone is openly talkin' Toothy, can it be long before the rest of America catches up? I for one hope we have a little more time. I'd kinda miss Toothy.
    (Hey, Tooth, glad you're back with that man of yours--for good this time? It's sure what he thinks.)

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    Default Re: The Legend of Toothy Tile

    nice compilation!

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    Hit By Ban Bus! WickedHo's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Legend of Toothy Tile

    ^^ Thanks! I will not confess how much time I spent doing it, though!

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    Elite Member muchlove's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Legend of Toothy Tile

    dating his superpopular, superannoyingly perfect girlfriend.
    I think that alone should kill the Jake Gyllenhaal rumor dead. No one considers Kirsten anywhere near "annoyingly perfect".

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    Silver Member britlitgal's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Legend of Toothy Tile

    Quote Originally Posted by muchlove View Post
    I think that alone should kill the Jake Gyllenhaal rumor dead. No one considers Kirsten anywhere near "annoyingly perfect".
    hahaha! i was thinking the exact same thing!

    but who else could it be? if it isn't jake, part of me is going to be a little disappointed.
    All this can be yours for only $19.95!

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    Default Re: The Legend of Toothy Tile

    Yeah, I don't want it to be Jake, either. I just don't! I don't have a thing for him or anything, it's just... so hard to imagine him suckin' cock or takin' it in the ass.

    ETA: Ted hasn't said it's not Jared Leto, either. Could it be him? Just grabbing at straws here...

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    Default Re: The Legend of Toothy Tile

    Well maybe it could be Jared... was he on again/off again with any popular, perfect girl?

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    Default Re: The Legend of Toothy Tile

    Quote Originally Posted by muchlove View Post
    Well maybe it could be Jared... was he on again/off again with any popular, perfect girl?
    I dunno. I keep intending to google his romantic history, but then I get sidetracked by looking up recipes for chicken 'n' dumplings, heh heh...

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    Default Re: The Legend of Toothy Tile

    From The Independent Sunday (London, England); 1/14/2001:
    Profile: Jared Leto
    - American beauty; He's prettier than most Hollywood actresses, and even girlfriend Cameron Diaz gets a run for her money. Yet rising star Jared Leto isn't scared to reveal his uglier side - either on screen or off.



    Jared Leto is at a nearby table refusing to be baited on the topic of his love life. The actor who took a pounding from Ed Norton in Fight Club and an axe in the head from Christian Bale in American Psycho isn't about to buckle here. We are meeting to promote his latest movie, a breathtaking, brutal adaptation of Hubert Selby Jr's novel Requiem for a Dream. I am speaking to his co-star Jennifer Connelly at the time, but all I can hear is Leto stubbornly telling a beleaguered journalist to back off. "Don't even go there," he drawls. "I'm not going to answer that." The interest ...

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    Elite Member muchlove's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Legend of Toothy Tile

    Hmmm, maybe!

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    Default Re: The Legend of Toothy Tile

    I'm starting to think that it is Jared Leto! From Femalefirst.co.uk:

    Scarlett Johansson and Jared Leto an item?


    Scarlett Johansson and Jared Leto have reportedly been spotted canoodling again at an exclusive London nightclub. .
    The 'Lost In Translation' beauty invited the heartthrob actor to her lavish "un-birthday party" at the trendy Kingly Club on Thursday night (12.08.04) and onlookers claim they looked close. .
    One revealed : "He was stroking her leg and then Scarlett sat on his lap." Scarlett - currently in London to film Woody Allen's latest movie - splashed out a staggering 25,000GBP on the bash, which featured a "stripes only" dress code and 'Gone With The Wind'-themed cocktails. .
    A source revealed : "Scarlett was looking for a reason to throw a party - but she doesn't turn 20 until November. . So she and her friend Gillian thought it would be funny to have an 'un-birthday bonanza'." Scarlett first sparked rumours of romance with Jared in June when they were spotted enjoying drinks at the swanky Chateau Marmont hotel in Los Angeles before driving off together in Jared's car.


    An onlooker revealed at the time: "They arrived in Jared's Porsche and were laughing and giggling. They seemed very close and couldn't take their eyes off each other. .
    The pair had a quick drink before getting back in his car and speeding off, they drove straight down Sunset Boulevard in full view of everyone."
    The 'Fight Club' actor has been linked to several famous beauties since splitting from long-term girlfriend Cameron Diaz, who is now romancing Justin Timberlake.
    He was seen out on several dates with Britney Spears and most recently dated his beautiful 'Alexander' co-star Angelina Jolie.

  13. #13
    Elite Member Laurent's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Legend of Toothy Tile

    Quote Originally Posted by muchlove View Post
    Well maybe it could be Jared... was he on again/off again with any popular, perfect girl?
    Though I don't even remotely agree that she could meet the definition of "perfect girl," he did date Cameron Diaz for years. She was considered to be the perfect girlfriend in "There's Something About Mary," so maybe it could be her.

    I'll confess though, I've always thought Toothy Tile was Jake.

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    Default Re: The Legend of Toothy Tile

    Quote Originally Posted by WickedHo View Post
    He was seen out on several dates with Britney Spears and most recently dated his beautiful 'Alexander' co-star Angelina Jolie.
    I've never heard a word about him dating Angelina before... I don't believe it for a second. If she even blinks in the direction of a costar, they say she's dated them.


    I am starting to think it's Jared, too, though... that clue "superpopular, superannoyingly perfect" does sound a lot like Cameron... while we might not think she's hot stuff, a lot of people do.

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