Ted's Blind Item 06/02--One Homo Helper Blind Vice

LynnieD · June 2nd, 2006, 12:20 PM

One Homo-Helper Blind Vice From E!

Oh gosh, Wiggly Jiggle-Poof is too cute. America loves her. I mean, him.

Or do I?

Oh, let's back up, shall we? And that's an appropriate segue if there ever was one, because Wiggly--a desperate eager type from Blandsville, Anywhere--got more than just a foot in the door, know what I mean, my jaded jellybeans?

Let me be more clear (not exactly my strong suit, I know): Wiggly was helped enormously with his glitzy 'n' glam gig by a certain in-the-closet major Biz player by the name of Burp Behemoth. Yes, sexual favors were included in exchange for W.'s 9-to-5 rise. Just as long as W.J.P. remained available for Burp's pleasures, when he so chose, which actually turned out to be not that often.

So, was it all that bad, in the end?

Certainly not for Mr. Jiggle. That is, unless more and more boob-tube devotees discover the little deal J.P. made with the Tinseltown devil--with whom many of us are so often tempted to do bidness.

And it ain't: Matt LeBlanc, Will Smith or Mike Myers.

*I'm going w/Wentworth Miller because I have no idea otherwise.

SVZ · June 2nd, 2006, 12:23 PM

sounds like it could be wentworth? but he came from yale not exactly blandsville, anywhere

miss_perfect · June 2nd, 2006, 12:48 PM

Princeton, get your Wentworth trivia right SVZ!

LynnieD · June 2nd, 2006, 01:40 PM

Did you ever notice that almost all of Teds blind vices are about either
A) gay men that are closeted or B) coked out actresses???

Just my observation. I need a life...

ang · June 2nd, 2006, 02:21 PM

^^ITA, Lynnie...they're losing their excitement. coke & gay are the new weed & promiscuous.

LynnieD · June 2nd, 2006, 02:27 PM

Blow and gays....it's just not fun anymore! Especially since I can never ever figure out who the hell he's talking about!!! Dammit!

CherryDarling · June 2nd, 2006, 02:31 PM

Taylor Hicks maybe?

asha22 · June 5th, 2006, 08:34 AM

Its Ryan Seacrest.

Mookie · June 5th, 2006, 09:00 AM

i don't think it's ryan s. because he always had a career in radio before he went onto tv and all else...it's not like he needed that much of a helping hand. besides, he's from atlanta. is that considered blandesville? or would b'ville be a podunky type of place somewhere? *lost*

hmm...should we be making more of the "9-to-5 rise" comment?

i'm starting to not like ted so much...

Goose · June 6th, 2006, 07:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mookie

i don't think it's ryan s. because he always had a career in radio before he went onto tv and all else...it's not like he needed that much of a helping hand. besides, he's from atlanta. is that considered blandesville? or would b'ville be a podunky type of place somewhere? *lost*

hmm...should we be making more of the "9-to-5 rise" comment?

i'm starting to not like ted so much...

I was wondering that as well. Something to do with the Office?

nana55 · June 6th, 2006, 09:40 AM

I think Ryan fits pretty well.

Alphachimp · June 6th, 2006, 08:49 PM

I think Ryan, too... Good call-

Guess he's too busy to 'hang out' with Merv 'The Perv' Griffen now that he's rich and famous...

LynnieD · June 9th, 2006, 08:57 AM

Update: Per Teds column on 06/09 it is NOT the following:

Tom Welling
Clay Aiken
Jesse Metcalf (though he said that was close--less beefy)
Ashton Kutcher

happy8 · July 6th, 2006, 10:07 AM

Jiggle Wiggle Poof has got to be Ryan Seacrest and Burp Behemoth is Merv Griffin.

Tater Tot · July 6th, 2006, 10:45 AM

How about Carson Daly? He fits the "close, but not as beefy" as Jesse Metcalf clue. He looks exactly like Jesse. Plus, his career is alot like Ryan Seacrest's. Burp Behemoth can still be Merv Griffin.