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Thread: Which Beloved Comedian Likes to Force Female Comics to Watch Him Jerk Off?

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    Elite Member witchcurlgirl's Avatar
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    Default Which Beloved Comedian Likes to Force Female Comics to Watch Him Jerk Off?

    Male comedians are weird. They jerk off all the time, and then go on stage and talk about jerking off all the time, for money and laughs. But our nation's most hilarious stand-up comic and critically cherished sitcom auteur adds a thrilling twist to his onanistic escapades: He traps unsuspecting women in his hotel room and makes them stick around until he's done.

    We've heard from several sources that this shameless funnyman whips it out at the most inopportune moments, often at times when his female companions have expressed no interest in watching him go at it. A representative example: At the Aspen Comedy Festival a few years ago, he invited a female comedy duo back to his hotel room. The two ladies gladly joined him, and offered him some weed. He turned it down, but asked if it would be OK if he took his dick out.

    Thinking he was joking (that's exactly the kind of thing this guy would say), the women gave a facetious thumbs up. He wasn't joking. When he actually started jerking off in front of them, the ladies decided that wasn't their bag and made for the exit. But the comedian stood in front of the door, blocking their way with his body, until he was done.

    One of the ladies was so shaken by the episode that she complained to the festival's organizers about the comedian's behavior. She promptly received a call from his extremely powerful manager explaining that, if she valued her career, she would drop it. She valued her career.

    When we contacted the victim to check out the story, she wrote back: "first of all, your facts are wrong. and secondly, i don't want to be a part of this story. i'm sure you understand." When we asked her which facts were wrong and if the incident ever happened at all, she wrote: "please don't contact me about this matter anymore. Breast of luck to you."

    When we reached out to the extremely powerful manager, he put the comedian's publicist in touch with us. After a lengthy and detailed phone conversation, the publicist agreed to ask the comedian about the incident. Weeks went by and we heard nothing. When we followed up with the publicist, he replied: "Sorry for delay but I never heard back from [him]."

    If you've ever come across this jerk-off (or if he's ever come across you!), please let us know. He's lucky no one's called the cops yet.




    Which Beloved Comedian Likes to Force Female Comics to Watch Him Jerk Off?

    Seinfeld



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    Elite Member Kat Scorp's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by witchcurlgirl View Post
    When we asked her which facts were wrong and if the incident ever happened at all, she wrote: "please don't contact me about this matter anymore. Breast of luck to you."
    Typo or clue?
    What do we want?
    EVIDENCE BASED SCIENCE
    When do we want it?
    AFTER PEER REVIEW

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    fgg
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    Elite Member fgg's Avatar
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    i highly doubt this is seinfeld.
    can't post pics because my computer's broken and i'm stupid

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    Elite Member Sylkyn's Avatar
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    I can't think of any "beloved" comedians.

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    Elite Member witchcurlgirl's Avatar
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    "Our nation's most hilarious stand-up comic and critically cherished sitcom auteur" narrows the field. That really only applies to a few people - Seinfeld, Ray Romano, Bill Cosby, Bob Newhart, etc.



    All of God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.


    If I wanted the government in my womb I'd fuck a Senator

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    Elite Member Calico Kid's Avatar
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    My first thought was Robin Williams, but, eesh, I hope not.

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    Elite Member MontanaMama's Avatar
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    Two women couldn't get by a guy with his dick in his hand?
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    (Replying to MontanaMama) This is some of the smartest shit I ever read

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    Elite Member McJag's Avatar
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    Gawker posters are convinced it is Louis CK. I don't know who that is!
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    Elite Member ManxMouse's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by McJag View Post
    Gawker posters are convinced it is Louis CK. I don't know who that is!
    Is he a "critically cherished sitcom auteur," though? Seinfeld seems the only one who fits this, IMO, but I can't picture it.
    Santa is an elitist mother fucker -- giving expensive shit to rich kids and nothing to poor kids.

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    Elite Member witchcurlgirl's Avatar
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    I love Louis CK, and think he's great, but I don't think of him as a beloved comedian household name type.

    And I definitely don't think he has the power to kill someone's career even now. And he surely didn't a few years ago, before his current fame.

    I'm thinking it's a Seinfeld/Bill Cosby/Ray Romano level guy.

    Seinfeld to me is totally possible, he's shown a potential for having boundry issues- picking up a 17 year old high schooler as a girlfriend when he was pushing 40, having an affair with his current wife when she was newly wed to someone else.......definitely possible.



    All of God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.


    If I wanted the government in my womb I'd fuck a Senator

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    Elite Member MohandasKGanja's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ManxMouse View Post
    Is he a "critically cherished sitcom auteur," though? Seinfeld seems the only one who fits this, IMO, but I can't picture it.
    He has a sitcom, is considered one of the top stand-up comics in America, and is a critics darling.

    Edited to add that I didn't think this didn't sound like something Louis CK would do, but who knows?

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    Elite Member ManxMouse's Avatar
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    what sitcom is he on, I don't have cable and never watch TV, so I'm clueless.
    Santa is an elitist mother fucker -- giving expensive shit to rich kids and nothing to poor kids.

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    Elite Member McJag's Avatar
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    Actually, it doesn't sound like anyone would do this. How can Louis CK be so beloved if few of us even know who he is...
    I didn't start out to collect diamonds, but somehow they just kept piling up.-Mae West

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    Elite Member MohandasKGanja's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by McJag View Post
    Actually, it doesn't sound like anyone would do this. How can Louis CK be so beloved if few of us even know who he is...
    His show is called "Louie". It has a Seinfeld-esque feel to it. I only saw it once, and then accidentally.

    To me, Louis CK's name comes up constantly as "the best comedian in the world!".

    He was supposed to be the comedian at some DC press club dinner, but Greta Van Susteren absolutely freaked out becuase of the horrible stuff that CK had said about Sarah Palin. So, Louis CK dropped out of it. Then, a Gawker writer, wrote a screed against Van Susteren. This was just a couplel of weeks ago.

    I really don't know his act at all. But I cannot avoid seeing the guy's name and visage practically everywhere.

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    Elite Member McJag's Avatar
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    I need to pay attention!
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