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Thread: Ted Casablanca 12-18-09 - Nelly Fang

  1. #1
    Bronze Member KS71's Avatar
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    Default Ted Casablanca 12-18-09 - Nelly Fang

    Blind Vice: Which Vampire's Batty for Boys?

    Today 7:42 AM PST by Ted Casablanca

    No wonder so many gay men are gossip columnists: All these supposedly "straight" stars are constantly cruising us (and our friends) for sex!
    And the latest celeb to daringly do so is one of the biggest, hunkiest vampire sensations out there right now. So much so, even I was shocked when a bud of mine, who gets off hunting around Griffith Park—a notorious area of L.A. where homosexual sex in the woods is rampant and a constant annoyance to the police—enjoyed what you're about to read.
    Nelly Fang is as hot as he is adored by his millions of fans. His smoldering looks are talked about just as much as (if not more so than) his red-hot acting talents.
    Nelly simply smolders onscreen, what with his trance-like gaze and lithe, mildly muscled bod, which he keeps in shape by jogging through Griffith Park, wearing shorts but no...

    ...underwear, oh my!
    I wonder if that's because Nelly likes to be extra-free to whip it out, just in case he needs to take a whiz? Nah.
    More likely, that lack of clothing constraint is due entirely to Nelly's penchant for stopping a guy who catches his fancy on the trail so he can lure his conquest to a hidden path and then have hot, hot, hot sex under the sun! Something Fang's now done with my friend not once, but twice!
    Love it! And people say Tiger's a slut! So glad Woodsisn't the only celeb who's being supernaughty these days, what a relief.
    "He's a real talker, too," adds Nelly's lucky path partner. "He kept saying, 'Yeah, do it, yeah, you like that, don't you, yeah, you like my ass?' "
    Oh my. If only Nelly's gazillions of girlie worshippers could hear him talk. They'd either try to convert him or tell him to start talking dirty to them—or they'd stop being his fan—or both.
    By the way, I'm sure if you've made it this far, you'll want to know the rest of the dirty deets, which are: Yes, Nelly's endowed (longer than wider, to be precise), and yes, he's a very neat boy down there.
    "Very groomed," was how Mr. Fang's private parts were further described to me. Or to be even more precise (and gay): "Manscaped."
    Hmmm. How very interesting, as this body-maintenance routine doesn't match the sometimes slightly grungy image Nelly likes to show off to the very unknowing public.
    And It Ain't: Kellan Lutz, Brad Pitt, Ryan Kwanten
    Last edited by KS71; December 18th, 2009 at 09:58 AM. Reason: I didn't copy all of it the first time--sorry.
    "It's all make believe, isn't it?"--Marilyn Monroe

  2. #2
    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
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    I'm going to go with Ian Somerholder.
    FUCK YOU AND GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VENTI TWO PUMP LIGHT WHIP MOCHA YOU COCKSUCKING WHORE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. I just get unpleasant in my car. - Deej

    http://www.gossiprocks.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic4098_9.gif Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

  3. #3
    Gold Member Sunrider's Avatar
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    I thought so too.
    Who ordered a naked Swede?? MEEEEE!!

    laurenshelton2 thinks I'm worse than Claymates.

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    Elite Member nana55's Avatar
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    Who???^^
    If I can't be a good example, then let me be a horrible warning.

  5. #5
    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nana55 View Post
    Who???^^
    FUCK YOU AND GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VENTI TWO PUMP LIGHT WHIP MOCHA YOU COCKSUCKING WHORE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. I just get unpleasant in my car. - Deej

    http://www.gossiprocks.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic4098_9.gif Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

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    Elite Member Sarzy's Avatar
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    Ian fits. I'll go with him. Alexander Skarsgard has been in tv shows with two of the 'and it ain't' guys though. *ducks*

  7. #7
    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
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    Actually, I'm chaging my guess to one of the "Aint's" Kellan Lutz.

    FUCK YOU AND GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VENTI TWO PUMP LIGHT WHIP MOCHA YOU COCKSUCKING WHORE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. I just get unpleasant in my car. - Deej

    http://www.gossiprocks.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic4098_9.gif Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

  8. #8
    Gold Member Sunrider's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sarzy View Post
    Ian fits. I'll go with him. Alexander Skarsgard has been in tv shows with two of the 'and it ain't' guys though. *ducks*
    I just don't think Alex fits the clues - does he have a "trance-like gaze and lithe, mildly muscled bod"?
    Who ordered a naked Swede?? MEEEEE!!

    laurenshelton2 thinks I'm worse than Claymates.

  9. #9
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    ^^Even though he's notted? edit: I mean this in response to greys guess of Kellan Lutz.

    lithe, mildly muscled bod,
    So he's not necessarily very buff. RPatz?

  10. #10
    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
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    RPatz is gay, but he does not run, or exercise at all I don't think.
    FUCK YOU AND GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VENTI TWO PUMP LIGHT WHIP MOCHA YOU COCKSUCKING WHORE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. I just get unpleasant in my car. - Deej

    http://www.gossiprocks.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic4098_9.gif Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

  11. #11
    Elite Member bellini's Avatar
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    I think it's Ian Somerhalder. But isn't it pretty well known that he's gay? I think he lived with a boyfriend at one time. He is a super gorgeous guy. He does have an incredible gaze too.


  12. #12
    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
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    Ian is a great guess, but come on, look at that schwing in the Kellan Lutz pic. Surely it has to be him, even though he's been notted.
    FUCK YOU AND GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VENTI TWO PUMP LIGHT WHIP MOCHA YOU COCKSUCKING WHORE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. I just get unpleasant in my car. - Deej

    http://www.gossiprocks.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic4098_9.gif Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

  13. #13
    Elite Member Sarzy's Avatar
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    I remember Ted once saying something like Kellan is one of the few straight guys in Hollywood. He is certainly filling those pants lol.
    Ian has gorgeous eyes. I know he was meant to be dating a female co star a while ago. I've always thought he was gay too.
    Sunrider - I don't really think it's Alex, I was teasing the Alex fans.

  14. #14
    Gold Member Sunrider's Avatar
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    I know, I know - it's just pretty easy to see how Ted like to put these items so that people can read into them what they want so I'm sure lots of people will guess Alex.
    Who ordered a naked Swede?? MEEEEE!!

    laurenshelton2 thinks I'm worse than Claymates.

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    Silver Member Anne of Cleves's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by greysfang View Post

    If he is the answer to the BI, then I want to have a sex-change and become a gay man.
    Who says being second best is such a bad thing?

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