i have good days and bad days like everyone else, though mostly i think i am totally insecure
Something else to consider: I'm wondering if insecurity over looks is less likely when someone is very secure in their sex appeal. From my own life, I definitely see sex appeal and good looks as quite separate entities.
The first person who comes to mind is Frida Kahlo. Each of her features, in isolation, is not the stuff of a beauty queen. She'll never take home a crown or modeling contract. Yet many years ago, I thought to myself, "God, I'd love to be as beautiful as she is." That was the word that came to me like that - beautiful. Not compelling, or interesting, or talented (though I frankly envy those things about her too).
Apart from her marriage and despite her ailing physical health, she was still able to infatuate and bed enough people. In fact, in a documentary about her, someone recalled a student saying that there literally was a heat and energy radiating from her that you could feel even if she was standing behind you.
I think some people have this kind of vitality and an erotic aura about them so that things like a back brace or facial hair don't penetrate their sense of themselves as desirable.
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George Eliot was another one who was not attractive by conventional standards ("vast ugliness" lol) and seemed to have a strong command of her sexuality that trumped anything with her looks.
This thread made me think of something Chalet said in another thread in the weight section:She had a low forehead, a dull grey eye, a vast pendulous nose, a huge mouth full of uneven teeth and a chin and jawbone qui n'en finissent pas... Now in this vast ugliness resides a most powerful beauty which, in a very few minutes steals forth and charms the mind, so that you end, as I ended, in falling in love with her. Yes behold me in love with this great horse-faced bluestocking.
George Eliot - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Last edited by NoDayButToday; January 19th, 2008 at 06:26 PM.
Gorgeous women are definetly more insecure, because the pressure is always on them to maintain (as has been said already).
It's interesting too how people also associate looks with feelings; for example, beautiful people are HAPPY, and homely are not. Or Beautiful people have nothing to complain about. When I first starting seeing therapists for my issues, the first thing they did was start picking out my best body parts and telling me that I was beautiful. But my issues were beyond physical appearance. I just got the impression that they were implying 'you're pretty, so why aren't you happy'?. It was ridiculous.
^I didn't like it at all. You feel like how you look has an impact on how people treat you. Its like if I was ugly, would the therapist then believe I had a legitimate excuse to be unhappy? I felt like they were trying to make me feel like I was ungrateful. I was having problems with my parents and one of the therapists I saw said to me; 'You should be very grateful to them for your looks'. How stupid is that.
I've always been a petite, blue-eyed blonde who looks younger than her years and as a result, nobody ever took me very seriously. They just assumed I was a dumb blonde and all the baggage that goes with it, and that is still an amazingly prevelant attitude out there.
One good thing about getting older is that I am taken more seriously and treated accordingly. Nobody wants to lose their looks but taking care of yourself and feeling good from within goes a long way toward easing the pain. And you'll look better, too.
What an interesting discussion. I don't think anyone has a handle on being the most insecure. I wonder if there have been any scientific studies on this (now that i think about it, probably--off to google....). I know that as an ugly duckling teenager, i felt like no one would ever like me because i wasn't pretty. Once i came into my own i found it frustrating that 'uglier' girls had boyfriends and i didn't. So, even though i know a person's worth is based on more than their physical appearance, i have been socialized to believe that looks are the only thing that matter. This is a double-edged sword--when someone IS attracted to me or likes me, i assume it's only because of my looks and that no one could possibly like me for my personality. It's a lose-lose situation. I think i'm a great person, but my insecurites about being not pretty enough, or about being 'too' pretty and only good for one thing, really give me troubles.
I don't want to live this way anymore so i am trying to get help.
"Hope everyone' shavin a good one!" - Karistiona
I'll use my darling mother as an example. Beautiful her whole life and told so by men and women. Women will come up to me today at a party and say how fabulous she looks. The key thing for her is that she had never been hung up on it, never compared herself to others and when complimented she says "thank you! You look fantastic"!
The one thing that I see is that when you don't look like you used to in younger days, you really have to make those adjustments. To be so pretty and attractive and then it changes into something else, has got to be hard. It's important to be healthy about and it pass the torch rather than be bitter. Bitterness shows and it's ugly.
Never heard her say that she looks terrible today or looked great today. Never fished for a compliment, never read a fashion magazine because she had her own style and stuck to it. She exudes confidence and is completely approachable. Women still flock around her, wondering about PS, how she keeps her figure, how she's so pulled together. Men act all goofy around her, trying to be cool. Now that's funny to watch.
It's what we show the world and what we really believe about ourselves.
I think everyone is insecure, hot or not
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