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Thread: Who's more insecure-gorgeous or average women?

  1. #16
    Elite Member yanna's Avatar
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    I think it depends on the person, really. I am not what anyone would consider a stunner, by any definition and at times when I conform more to my idea of beauty (thinner, dressed well, hair not a mess as usual) my confidence is boosted too. My looks aren't the most important thing in my life but they do mattter and there are things that I feel I would be more comfortable doing and pursuing if I looked better. But I've always had self-esteem issues anyway. I don't think that "gorgeous" women and men are more insecure when they are at the height of their good looks. I think that they rely on their looks to make them feel secure so when they start to go it's way worse for them than for regular people.

    I'm not sure I'm making much sense, here...

  2. #17
    Elite Member Aella's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by yanna View Post
    I think it depends on the person, really. I am not what anyone would consider a stunner, by any definition and at times when I conform more to my idea of beauty (thinner, dressed well, hair not a mess as usual) my confidence is boosted too. My looks aren't the most important thing in my life but they do mattter and there are things that I feel I would be more comfortable doing and pursuing if I looked better. But I've always had self-esteem issues anyway. I don't think that "gorgeous" women and men are more insecure when they are at the height of their good looks. I think that they rely on their looks to make them feel secure so when they start to go it's way worse for them than for regular people.

    I'm not sure I'm making much sense, here...
    I agree! Everyone has their insecurities and most of us care about our looks to an extent. It's when people start to rely on their looks to define them that the really extreme insecurities crop up.

    Of course it depends on the person. I've known quite a few plain girls who are obsessed with their looks (the lack thereof, to be exact) and a few stunning ones who are quite self-assured, but in the latter case, it's always women who have a lot more going for them, be it education, a sense of humour, a good job...
    "Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck." - Joss Whedon

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  3. #18
    Elite Member ariesallover's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pacific breeze View Post
    "Women of a certain age are invisible in the way that a man will never be." Not just sexually invisible, but invisible as human beings to a large extent. That is what I fear the most.
    I hear you on that and relate. When you say that, it's not really about looks; it's about being.

    Interesting take on men. I'm afraid that's quite true, though I'm noticing a bit of a change: as culture becomes increasingly youth-obsessed, men are now feeling the "beauty" standard. The rates of men going in for face lifts and eye tucks are unprecedented, and men's reasons for the procedures are about staying on top, remaining competitive. Maybe that's just an excuse for vanity for many, but I actually believe someone who didn't like looking like the oldest coot in his firm on his way out - in other words, being meaningless as he was taken less seriously in his field as a contender.

    Quote Originally Posted by january View Post
    Wonderful posts, Aries!

    It does strike me now that I am not a particularly self-absorbed or vain person, but when I do focus on the far future, the one thing that I fear immediately is losing my looks. I wonder why I don't immediately fear losing my mind, my eyesight, my hearing, etc. - but the first thing that pops into my head is losing my looks. It is curious, seeing that I'm not particularly vain. I guess its just been instilled in me, even in a subconscious manner, that my looks are what define me. Its pretty sad now that I am conscious of it.
    Thanks, January.

    You're talking about losing your looks through age, right? Not through something unforeseen? I'm using retin A like a zealot to stave off slackness and decreasing elasticity, so I relate to this. If I can keep what I have and maintain it (or improve it) as much as possible, that's what I want to do. Vanity? Insecurity? Sure, why not?

    Another kinda random, kinda related moment: as I read through this thread, particularly PB's aunt's comment, I thought of a trend I noticed in literature. I read a lot of lesbian nonfiction, personal essays mostly. I also read plenty of straight stuff, too. I can't tell you the number of times a woman has written beautifully about the erotic charge of seeing her girlfriend's body, and then went on to mention a line in her face or a touch of gray some place as signs of beauty or indicative of sexual power. It's not just in books. I've noticed that quite often, but by no means entirely, my queer female friends seem to be experiencing far less anxiety about the impact of aging on their looks than my straight female friends (actually I think one of the contributors to Dyke Life edited by Karla Jay mentioned this same point). . . Just another angle I'm seeing in terms of the cultural affiliations/norms mediating the process.
    Last edited by ariesallover; January 18th, 2008 at 05:21 PM.

  4. #19
    Elite Member Just Kill Me's Avatar
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    I don't think of myself as insecure but I will say that I do lean towards vanity a bit. I have a few friends who always point out "I caught you! Stop looking at yourself!" If there is a mirror or reflective surface you can guarantee I've looked in it at least 5 times before you've seen me do it once. They joke and say I'm Narcississ; I always say "I'm not adoring myself in the mirror; I'm making sure nothing is wrong." I was an "exotic dancer(stripper)" for almost a decade and worked with so many varieties of beautiful women. Some of them quite insecure and constantly worrying. Insecure does not make you money in that industry; walking around thinking you're the hottest shit to ever exist is what works.
    I know that as I get older I will definitely have some kind of laser resurfacing or something done; not a full on face lift... I know I'm a beautiful person inside and out but at the end of the day before I open my mouth and share my mind I know I'm being seen and I think about it quite frequently.

  5. #20
    Elite Member ariesallover's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Just Kill Me View Post
    I always say "I'm not adoring myself in the mirror; I'm making sure nothing is wrong." I was an "exotic dancer(stripper)" for almost a decade and worked with so many varieties of beautiful women. Insecure does not make you money in that industry; walking around thinking you're the hottest shit to ever exist is what works.
    Amen to that. Reminds me of athletes who have rituals to psych themselves up about being invincible or even what I see lawyers doing before going into court to argue. Game face, or perhaps, game mind.

  6. #21
    La vie en rose DitaPage*'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Just Kill Me View Post
    If there is a mirror or reflective surface you can guarantee I've looked in it at least 5 times before you've seen me do it once.
    I think most people HAVE to look though My friend works in a beauty salon with a large window out the front that you cant see into, but when you're inside, you can see everyone on the street outside. She says when its boring and theres no customers during the day she watches the people outside; men, women, children; they've all smoothed their hair, or did something to indicate they were checking themselves out, haha.

  7. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Just Kill Me View Post
    I don't think of myself as insecure but I will say that I do lean towards vanity a bit. I have a few friends who always point out "I caught you! Stop looking at yourself!" If there is a mirror or reflective surface you can guarantee I've looked in it at least 5 times before you've seen me do it once. They joke and say I'm Narcississ; I always say "I'm not adoring myself in the mirror; I'm making sure nothing is wrong."
    Yeah my mom & friends are always like "stop admiring yourself!" lol I'm not admiring myself AT ALL. I'm like "Is my hair in place? Do i need to powder my nose? Is my face breaking out? Is my lipgloss on my chin now?" lol

    Quote Originally Posted by Just Kill Me View Post
    I was an "exotic dancer(stripper)" for almost a decade and worked with so many varieties of beautiful women. Some of them quite insecure and constantly worrying. Insecure does not make you money in that industry; walking around thinking you're the hottest shit to ever exist is what works.
    I know that as I get older I will definitely have some kind of laser resurfacing or something done; not a full on face lift... I know I'm a beautiful person inside and out but at the end of the day before I open my mouth and share my mind I know I'm being seen and I think about it quite frequently.
    Interesting post! I wonder if making a living off of your beauty/sexuality makes it more difficult to see your looks fade, in comparison to pretty women who never relied on their faces/bodies to make a living. What do you think?

    Another thing I've wondered...do you think any women get into stripping to affirm that they are beautiful or desirable?
    Last edited by Tati; January 19th, 2008 at 11:40 AM.

  8. #23
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    I don't think it's a beauty or looks thing.

    I think the more time, money, energy you put into looking a certain way the more insecure you are because of the fact that you have to maintain such a giant fake facade.

    Shallow girls, typically have the most insecurity, and most of them are pretty gorgeous, so it's sad to see them constantly fucking with their hair when they stop at a red light, or adding more lip gloss every 3 traffic lights, or constantly smoothing and checking the hair, staring at their boobs, boosting, primping, picking, pushing, smushing, checking, rechecking.....

    I'd rather be plain than deal with trying to keep up a never ending battle. Shit look at Pamela Anderson.....

  9. #24
    Elite Member Penny Lane's Avatar
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    I find this topic fascinating because I truly believe looks have little to do with someones security... it's all about self-perception. Someone can be considered 'ugly' by social norms and someone can be a supermodel and they can both have horrible self-esteem... it all comes down to individual psychologies and self-concepts, IMO.

  10. #25
    Elite Member southernbelle's Avatar
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    Everyone is insecure about something.

    I think gorgeous women tend to be very insecure about the fact that a lot of men are only after them because they want to fuck them. They're interested in telling their friends that they fucked this gorgeous girl, but when the girl starts to get attached, they bail and the girl ends up getting hurt and feeling used, which makes it hard to trust guys and forces her to be skeptical of the good ones.

    Average women are insecure about their looks, but I've found they tend to be more successful in hooking a guy with personality and gaining his trust and friendship, which leads to more compatible relationships because they aren't just based on physical attraction. I do agree that they tend to be more secure because for them it's not all about always being the prettiest one in a group of girls, so they don't get shaken and suddenly feel worthless when some knock out girl walks in, because unlike gorgeous girls, they haven't been taught that their looks are their best asset and that being the prettiest is their key to success and attention. I'm sure the thought that he may be looking at the gorgeous girl crosses their mind, but it doesn't have the same effect on them. So I think there are pros and cons to both sides. Sort of like one of those "the grass is always greener" situations.

  11. #26
    Elite Member MsDark's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pacific breeze View Post
    ariesallover, your posts in this thread are excellent. I agree with pretty much everything and it makes me think about what one of my very attractive aunts said to me when she was about 65: "Women of a certain age are invisible in the way that a man will never be." Not just sexually invisible, but invisible as human beings to a large extent. That is what I fear the most.
    That's exactly why I've been (and will continue to be) honing my personality like a madwoman. If I'm "invisible" when I'm an old broad, it'll be when and if I am damned well in the mood to be.
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  12. #27
    La vie en rose DitaPage*'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BeautifulVisions View Post
    Yeah my mom & friends are always like "stop admiring yourself!" lol I'm not admiring myself AT ALL. I'm like "Is my hair in place? Do i need to powder my nose? Is my face breaking out? Is my lipgloss on my chin now?" lol
    Good point. We weren't standing there saying 'oh I'm so beautiful'. Its usually the flaws we're looking for. Well thats what I do anyway. The more I look in the mirror, the worse it gets. I dont have any mirrors in my bedroom, and its the best thing. I can go out now without checking myself 100 times, and then changing, because I'd always find something wrong with my clothes or hair; I've come along way though, thanks to therapy, and also just not giving a shit anymore.

    Its really interesting how different people perceive themselves; my friend has ONE zit on her face, and she'll say 'oh my skin is soooo bad. Its honestly ONE zit.

  13. #28
    Elite Member VenusInFauxFurs's Avatar
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    When it comes to my appearance I can run the whole range. Or weirdly I can be utterly ambivalent. I can be very vain and think I look pretty damned good and yet, be quite insecure at the exact same time -- which makes no sense.
    When your daughter plays "House," she pretends to be an annoying doctor with a pill-addiction and a limp.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Raspberry gashes View Post
    Good point. We weren't standing there saying 'oh I'm so beautiful'. Its usually the flaws we're looking for. Well thats what I do anyway. The more I look in the mirror, the worse it gets. I dont have any mirrors in my bedroom, and its the best thing. I can go out now without checking myself 100 times, and then changing, because I'd always find something wrong with my clothes or hair; I've come along way though, thanks to therapy, and also just not giving a shit anymore.

    Its really interesting how different people perceive themselves; my friend has ONE zit on her face, and she'll say 'oh my skin is soooo bad. Its honestly ONE zit.
    Exactly.

    Quote Originally Posted by southernbelle View Post
    Average women are insecure about their looks, but I've found they tend to be more successful in hooking a guy with personality and gaining his trust and friendship, which leads to more compatible relationships because they aren't just based on physical attraction. I do agree that they tend to be more secure because for them it's not all about always being the prettiest one in a group of girls, so they don't get shaken and suddenly feel worthless when some knock out girl walks in, because unlike gorgeous girls, they haven't been taught that their looks are their best asset and that being the prettiest is their key to success and attention. I'm sure the thought that he may be looking at the gorgeous girl crosses their mind, but it doesn't have the same effect on them. So I think there are pros and cons to both sides. Sort of like one of those "the grass is always greener" situations.
    I think you might be right. I've noticed more attractive couples tend to break up/divorce more often than less attractive couples as well. I guess with more average couples, it's not about physical attraction, but deeper feelings & true love.
    Last edited by Tati; January 19th, 2008 at 11:40 AM.

  15. #30
    Silver Member veronabrit's Avatar
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    i don't really know if one would be more insecure than another. I used to be really insecure when I was younger. I used to model in my teen years and it made me insecure because it is such a competitive industry and its all about looks,it can wear on you. I am more confident now, but I also still have my insecure days, just like any woman. When people say you are gorgeous/pretty, it almost is like you feel pressured to always look that way and maintain that look.

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