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Thread: What is your idea of beauty?

  1. #46
    Elite Member Voodoo Child's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by crumpet View Post
    I also believe media saturation has altered peoples' sense of what is normal and of what is hot. If people are inundated with manufactured images of airbrushed people who look flawless, it becomes the norm to look at flawless faces and bodies. Reality becomes distorted over time, much in the same way that 24/7 media coverage of a few kidnappings makes us thing that kids are being abducted left and right and that it is happening with greater frequency when it actually isn't.

    I think that media saturation promotes the idea that there is always something better out there. The fame obsessed culture promotes the idea that attention=power, even negative attention is better than being anonymous. The increased availability and acceptance of plastic surgery has gradually led many people to 'expect' that anyone with less than ideal features get them 'fixed' since science has provided the means to do so. We are more aware than ever in history of what is out there, thus we compare ourselves to others more than we ever have (this applies to consummerism in general). As we become more comfortable because our basic needs of food,clothing, and shelter are met we aspire to loftier and more shallow goals. Life seems to be about one-upmanship.

    I agree that every culture and era has had its own beauty ideals, but in the past the ideals were more attainable and more tolerant of imperfections because most people didn't have their flaws erased by ps and technology didn't allow for all the airbrushing we see today. There are also more people so there is more competition for everything, including mates.

    Let's not forget that the beauty industry relies on us feeling inadequate so that we continue to want their products and services. Thus, it is in their best interest to make the ideal as far from reality as possible so that people will continue to make them rich.
    Well said crumpet and Ita with all of it.

  2. #47
    Elite Member crumpet's Avatar
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    Crumpet, your posts are as always - very well said!
    Well, that depends on who you ask, lol!

    Well said crumpet and Ita with all of it.
    Thanks for the vote of confidence.

  3. #48
    Elite Member Lobelia's Avatar
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    Well, this will open me up to some lambasting, but what the hell. I've always been told I'm hot. And beautiful. I am usually tan & usually have long hair but I'm not tall (I'm 5'5"), I don't have blonde hair, & I don't think my face is cookie cutter at all. I've also been told many times that I look exotic, & have always felt complimented by that. Maybe it's because of my age but I have never felt less hot or less beautiful because I wasn't tall & blonde or had a "cookie-cutter" face. I don't always *feel* hot or beautiful, and there have been times when I thought people were crazy for telling me such things. Oh, you're gorgeous & you know it & I'm like WTF I'm fat & ugly & my self-confidence is sucking for air right now...

    And since I'm this far out on this crackly, precarious limb, I'll add that I am sick to death of being told by men that I'm intimidating. That shit is not comforting when I want to meet or be with someone My point here is that blonde & perfect does NOT equal beautiful or hot, if I can believe my own experience, and that beautiful & hot does not equal happiness & gratification. I've lost more than one guy to an ugly girl...
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  4. #49
    Hit By Ban Bus! pacific breeze's Avatar
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    ^^Substitute the word blonde there for brunette, and you could be talking about me! My current husband is one of the few men I've ever met who doesn't think I'm intimidating, it's one of the reasons I married him. A lot of men will go for less attractive women because they figure that they will never cheat on or leave them, which frees them to do whatever the hell they want.

  5. #50
    Elite Member t13nif's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lobelia View Post
    I'll add that I am sick to death of being told by men that I'm intimidating. That shit is not comforting when I want to meet or be with someone My point here is that blonde & perfect does NOT equal beautiful or hot, if I can believe my own experience, and that beautiful & hot does not equal happiness & gratification. I've lost more than one guy to an ugly girl...
    Yep, lost many a man to the 'ugly' girl. I've also been told i'm intimidating--that is, when they actually have the nerve to talk to me. I've had guys say that they assumed that i was taken so they didn't even bother talking to me--whatever. I am kinda shy sometimes so the combination always ends up coming across as aloof and snobby.

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    i truly believe it's all in the attitude. you are what you believe you are. at the same time listening to fat franny whine that men don't like her while she stuffs her face every day is just a joke. she doesn't like herself.
    i also believe indimidation is just another way to cover up insecurities and keep man at a distance. that gets so tiring. maybe he dumps you for "uglier" girls because she's nicer and makes him feel good. if all these men find you imtimidating it's not your looks. it's your attitude. i can't stand going out and seeing these bitches who think every guy who looks at them wants in their their pants. or talking with a guy is doing him a big favour. all the things mama told you are true. be yourself, like yourself, take care of yourself. be fun. take a chance and smile.the boys will come.

  7. #52
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    I am so over what people believe is the standard of beauty. Who cares. I read all the posts and there is a big focus on physical beauty. What makes a person beautiful is far deeper than long blond hair, great figure, blue eyes or being "hot." They key to true beauty is the development of your personality, the woman that you are. How you live your life, the good you do for others, class, ethics and so on. If that is intimidating to men, then take it as a screening process. Weeding out the men who you really don't need in your life. And as far as being intimidating to men, no such thing exists. It isn't your perceived beauty that turns them off, it is how you present yourself, how you carry yourself. Shouldn't let other people dictate how you feel about yourself. Who cares. For every 50 people who find you pretty, there will be another 50 who don't. Doesn't change the person that you are, so why should you care. By focusing on the the physical part of beauty, you feed into the media hype of the ideal. Buck the trend and create your own beauty.
    Last edited by Lucky32; May 30th, 2007 at 10:14 AM.

  8. #53
    Elite Member Lobelia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by doriangray View Post
    i truly believe it's all in the attitude. you are what you believe you are. at the same time listening to fat franny whine that men don't like her while she stuffs her face every day is just a joke. she doesn't like herself.
    i also believe indimidation is just another way to cover up insecurities and keep man at a distance. that gets so tiring. maybe he dumps you for "uglier" girls because she's nicer and makes him feel good. if all these men find you imtimidating it's not your looks. it's your attitude. i can't stand going out and seeing these bitches who think every guy who looks at them wants in their their pants. or talking with a guy is doing him a big favour. all the things mama told you are true. be yourself, like yourself, take care of yourself. be fun. take a chance and smile.the boys will come.
    Aw, thanks for the advice! Scrutinizing my attitude had never occurred to me!

    Thanks dearie, but I'm not trying to intimidate anybody with my looks. I am myself, I like myself (most of the time), I take care of myself and I have fun! And I didn't say that I was "dumped" for an ugly girl, I just didn't GET him to begin with. Which was my original point that escaped you. Looks ain't everything - my personality won't work for every single guy. Nobody's will. This thread isn't about keeping a guy - it's about standards of beauty that attract them. Sorry you've been so negatively affected by beautiful women. You sound kind of bitter about it.
    "I've cautiously embraced jeggings"
    Emma Peel aka Pacific Breeze aka Wilde1 aka gogodancer aka maribou

    Yip, yip, yip in your tiny indignation. Bark furiously on, lady dog.

  9. #54
    Hit By Ban Bus! pacific breeze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by doriangray View Post
    i truly believe it's all in the attitude. you are what you believe you are. at the same time listening to fat franny whine that men don't like her while she stuffs her face every day is just a joke. she doesn't like herself.
    i also believe indimidation is just another way to cover up insecurities and keep man at a distance. that gets so tiring. maybe he dumps you for "uglier" girls because she's nicer and makes him feel good. if all these men find you imtimidating it's not your looks. it's your attitude. i can't stand going out and seeing these bitches who think every guy who looks at them wants in their their pants. or talking with a guy is doing him a big favour. all the things mama told you are true. be yourself, like yourself, take care of yourself. be fun. take a chance and smile.the boys will come.
    My experience over the past few decades, and the experience of many women I personally know, is that a lot of man are intimidated by a woman who has a brain and isn't afraid to use it. And a lot of men also think that if a woman is beautiful or even attractive, she must be "stuck up" or unavailable, so they don't even try to approach her. Instead they blame her when they don't really know what the hell she's like because they never bothered to find out -- that's their insecurity, not the woman's fault.

    I'm not going to go into the hundreds of experiences I've had in this regard, but here's something a friend of mine told me when she moved to a new city and was having trouble finding a man. By the way, this woman isn't stunningly beautiful, but she is an attractive lawyer. When men approached her, she never brought up the subject of her occupation, but answered honestly if asked. Virtually all these men then disappeared, after telling her she was too intimidating for then, or words to that effect. I should say here that she is one of the kindest, least egotistical people I know. After a few months of that, she decided to tell any man who asked that she was a legal secretary to see if it made a difference. She didn't really want to do that because she is honest to a fault, but she did. Guess what? Hardly anybody walked away from her.

    The upshot is that some, NOT ALL men, blame women for their own insecurities and are sadly in this day and age, still threatened by a woman who has a career that doesn't fit the stereotypes of what a woman "should" be. And yes, some women can be bitches, too.

    This reminds me of the stupid kerfuffle over Thelma and Louise when Letterman asked Susan Sarandon if she was worried that men wouldn't find her attractive or pursue her because she stood up for herself in the movie. Her answer: "Not real men." Amen.
    Last edited by pacific breeze; May 30th, 2007 at 08:07 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lobelia View Post
    Aw, thanks for the advice! Scrutinizing my attitude had never occurred to me!

    Thanks dearie, but I'm not trying to intimidate anybody with my looks. I am myself, I like myself (most of the time), I take care of myself and I have fun! And I didn't say that I was "dumped" for an ugly girl, I just didn't GET him to begin with. Which was my original point that escaped you. Looks ain't everything - my personality won't work for every single guy. Nobody's will. This thread isn't about keeping a guy - it's about standards of beauty that attract them. Sorry you've been so negatively affected by beautiful women. You sound kind of bitter about it.
    so do you (pinch)

    i wasn't pointing any finger at you tho after i reread your posting i can see why you thought so. i think you sound like a fun person. and actually the women i speak of are rarely beautiful

  11. #56
    Elite Member Lobelia's Avatar
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    Big kisses MUAH!

    And I know these wenches of which you speak. You want to trip them as they walk by.
    "I've cautiously embraced jeggings"
    Emma Peel aka Pacific Breeze aka Wilde1 aka gogodancer aka maribou

    Yip, yip, yip in your tiny indignation. Bark furiously on, lady dog.

  12. #57
    Bronze Member jaclynfett's Avatar
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    I'm sorry, I haven't read through the whole thread.

    I think real beauty, like Audrey Tautou, can last a lifetime as opposed to whatever trend is going on right now.
    My dh prefers that look also.

  13. #58
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    I've had lots of people tell me throughout my life "Oh, you're so pretty" or compliment me on my looks, but it's not like I have guys knocking down my door. Why? I think it's exactly like Pacific Breeze and Lobelia said...it's like you can't be pretty and intelligent because other men find you intimidating. And let me tell you, as a woman who has often times been considered pretty by others, you always have obstacles to overcome as an attractive woman like cattiness, jealousy and the need to prove yourself throughout your entire life. Many people assume that just because you may be 'decent' in the looks department you've depended on your looks to get by in life. That couldn't be further from the truth.

    We are so motivated by beauty in this society it's amazing. Often times our 'beauty' makes you the subject of gossip. Because you're pretty, people assume you're stuck up. Because you're pretty other women often times think you're going to steal their boyfriend. Because you're pretty people think you're a 'bitch'. And the famous one is that because you're pretty, people think you're full of yourself. In other words, being considered 'hot' or 'beautiful' isn't always the greatest thing.

    In my opinion, looks fade. They don't last forever. I've always been of the mindset that one day we all die and these bodies of ours rot. It's just a shell, so don't take it too seriously. But, like PB said, you work with what you have and that's it. Make the best of your life and the body God gave you while you have it. In the end it's really the heart that counts. But as a person who's worked in the public realm for many years, as a general rule, being good-looking doesn't neccessarily make you happier. In fact, your 'good' looks are often times the reason you treated worse--especially by other women. You're the one who 'stands out', the one who catches their eye, therefore you're the 'threat' (especially in the work place). Women find you threatening, men find you intimidating. There is no balance. I've often wondered if it's easier for women who are considered 'cute' and are able to blend in, instead of women who are considered 'beautiful' and stand out and noticed immediately.

    Also, keep this in mind...if you've always been beautiful or pretty, one day you will get old and your looks will change. Then people will say "Oh, she was always so pretty and now she's old (or ugly)". So, you were the focus because you were beautiful and then you become the focus when you're old because that beauty didn't last forever. You can never win...and I say this because I have 2 aunts who were GORGEOUS, absolutely beautiful most of their lives, well into their 40's, but now they're in their late 50's and they're aging. Of course they're not as pretty as they once were. Well, I always hear people say "Oh, she was so pretty but look at her now". And I think of gorgeous women like Priscilla Presley or Brigitte Bardot who were considered exquisite beauties most of their lives and then they aged and got ridiculed mercilessly for not looking the same. It's cruel what the world does to beautiful women...and let me tell you, it's often times not the beautiful people who have the hang-ups about their looks...it's OTHERS.

    So this desire (or wish) that some people may have to be 'beautiful' or 'hot' is a little misleading. Be happy with what you have and how you look--you don't know what others go through being less than attractive....or on the other side of the fence, being very attractive. The grass isn't always greener on the other side.

    In the long run, it truly is the beauty inside that counts.

  14. #59
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    Beauty in Hollywood has always manufactured and have looks that go in and out of style. Jessica Alba would look foolish in GWTW and if Vivian Leigh was an actress today, she probably wouldn't be able to get a role in anything. It's just the way it is. Also being the "hot" girl is overrated. It only comes in handy for free drinks at bars, but unfortunately the guys buying them are hoping to get something in return. I think all the advice about being yourself and having fun is correct. Men are attracted to that more than you think.
    If you can't be a good example -- then you'll just have to be a horrible warning

  15. #60
    Elite Member Honey's Avatar
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    No more picking on the blondes with big tits, we're not all bimbos!

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