Page 5 of 5 FirstFirst 12345
Results 61 to 65 of 65
Like Tree119Likes

Thread: Haircuts That Take Off 10 Years

  1. #61
    Elite Member MsDark's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Northwest MS/Memphis TN


    Yeah but if you started off with super thick hair, it probably gets just about the right amount of thickness by the time you're 70. (where you no longer have to get it thinned out, regular sized ponytail holders will actually fit, brushes won't break)
    Novice likes this.
    My Posts Have Won Awards. Can Any Of You Claim The Same? -ur_next_ex

    "I don't have pet peeves. I have major psychotic fucking hatreds, okay". ~George Carlin

  2. #62
    Elite Member louiswinthorpe111's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Middle America


    Hell, if my hair gets any thinner, I'll be bald!
    RELIGION: Treat it like it's your genitalia. Don't show it off in public, and don't shove it down your children's throats.

  3. #63
    Elite Member MsDark's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Northwest MS/Memphis TN


    I happened to scroll down to Similar Threads to find this gem posted by Grimmlock, with a classic thread title:

    100 ugly haircuts for a swamp hag, done to elevator jazz

    sputnik, Kittylady and Novice like this.
    My Posts Have Won Awards. Can Any Of You Claim The Same? -ur_next_ex

    "I don't have pet peeves. I have major psychotic fucking hatreds, okay". ~George Carlin

  4. #64
    Elite Member effie2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Where it all begun


    i miss him and wish he come back.
    sputnik and Kittylady like this.
    "Effie is all kinds of awesome." - Some internet moderator

  5. #65
    Elite Member azoria's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    far and away

    Default To bolster my case of salon avoidance -

    How to stop your hairdresser humiliating you: Novelist Marian Keyes presents a survival guide every woman will relate to

    7 February 2016

    Before we start, I just want to establish that I'm very lucky because I have a lovely hairdresser.
    I've gone to her for a long time and I really like her and she never keeps me waiting and she does exactly as I ask and she never suggests it might be 'time for a change'.

    And when I ask her to take half an inch off the ends, she takes half an inch off the ends and not half a foot. And when I took a notion and wanted coloured extensions, she didn't shriek: 'What? At your age!' She simply went and organised the coloured extensions. And when I said to her recently 'I'd like to change my colour', she changed my colour. And when I didn't like it, I was able to say: 'I don't know about this . . . could we try something else?'

    And she calmly complied and didn't take offence and I knew she wouldn't take offence and I am very lucky.
    However, recently (I'll be vague about dates because I don't want the poor chap to be identifiable), I was away from home and wanted to have my hair blow-dried, so I went to a hairdresser I'd never been to before.

    This hair salon is part of a chain and I think that always makes things worse because they tend to have rigid and elaborate customer humiliating protocols. Anyway, the second I stepped through the doors, it all came rushing back to me.

    The power struggle for ownership of your spirit that goes on in most hairdresser's.

    The idea is that they break you, break your spirit entirely, and when they've reduced you to a nothing with no sense of self, with no voice of your own, they will rebuild you in their image.

    You will do exactly what they tell you and use the products that they sell you, and perhaps buy a hairdryer and maybe even a house from them.

    Yes, they own you - soul, hair, everything. But I can help you. And with the guide on these pages - I will help you!


    When you arrive, the receptionist will ignore you - they will be on the phone or pretending to check something in their book or on their screen.

    They are not bad people, they are simply doing what they've been trained to do. In the past, I used to stand there like an anxious sap, staring miserably, trying to catch their eye, thinking: 'Please look at me, please don't make me feel invisible.' But you don't have to do like me.
    Oh no! Instead, take out your phone! Call a good friend, someone you haven't seen for a while, and commence a warm and lengthy catch-up.

    When you have finished your call - and take your time about it, enjoy your chat - the receptionist will offer to take your coat. Be vigilant! This is where the second blow to your self-esteem will be struck.

    Some 'friendly' comment will be made on your appearance. On my visit a few days ago, the person said: 'Well! You're very colourful today!' Then he exchanged a look with his colleague and a silent snigger passed between them.

    One time, a hairdresser's receptionist stared at my handbag and said: 'Is that Prada?' And when I said it was, he said: 'From the cheap range?' (This is an honest-to-God, swear-on-my-nephew's-life fact. I could tell you this man's name, but, of course, I won't.)

    Do not think that you will avoid this essential part of the humiliation process by having no coat to give. 'No coat?' they will say, all wide-eyed and scornful. 'Well! Let's hope it doesn't rain.'

    There are a couple of ways to deal with step two. You can fight fire with fire and respond in kind with some comment on their appearance.

    For example: 'I love your spots. They're so . . .' cough, snigger, 'youthful.'

    Or you can stare at them, hold their gaze and think the words: 'I feel boundless compassion for you.'

    Hold the gaze for a couple of seconds longer than is considered mannerly and force love out from behind your eyes. This will badly rattle them.


    'Elijah will be down in a moment,' the receptionist will tell you. But as we all know, Elijah will not be down in a moment. Elijah will be down when it suits him.

    Elijah is on Twitter, trolling his ex. Or Elijah is out the back having a cigarette. Or, indeed, Elijah may be doing nothing and may be keen to see you. But he cannot! Alas, he cannot! Because rules are rules and The Wait is vital - it says to the client: 'Your time is as nothing. You are blessed to be in here and it's important that you know it.'

    There are a couple of ways to address The Wait. You could walk out - I've done it once or twice. Or you could decide to draw up a list of everyone you've ever dated. Take out a pen and notebook you've brought specially for this purpose and start. Be rigorous. Schoolgirl crushes, everything. Don't forget people you 'met' on holiday. Rack your brains good and proper.

    At some point Elijah will appear and you will be expected to jump to your feet. My orders to you are DO NOT! Finish your list. When you are finished - and I want you to do a thorough job - then and only then may you look up at him.

    If you feel you could manage to, I beg you to quirk an eyebrow at Elijah and say: 'Ready then?' Practise this at home if you don't feel confident that you can do it for the first time in the salon.


    Elijah will hold the gown in a way that no matter how you try to get into it, it will be wrong. If you go in frontways, it will be like a coat. If you approach it like a coat, it will have to be put on over your head. Indeed, rumour has reached me that some hairdressers are inventing onesie gowns that you have to step into, feet first. I've discovered that I cannot out-think them in this matter. The only thing I can suggest is that you say: 'OK, Elijah, you win round four.'


    Be alert: this is the central part of the process. This is they key moment in trying to break your spirit. You sit in front of the mirror and Elijah lifts a piece of your hair and contemptuously lets it fall again.

    e will lift another strand and, in disgust, drop it. If everyone has done their job right, you will be close to tears at this point. Then Elijah will say: 'So, what happened here?' Usually I stammer: 'What do you mean?'

    And Elijah will say: 'Well, it's a disaster. Did you get it cut like this for charity? Sort of like a Movember thing?'

    '. . . but . . .'
    'And the condition! It's so dry it's breaking off in my hands.'

    Then he will ask the most leading question you will be asked in your visit. He will say: 'What do you use for your home care regime?'

    Instead of being sucked into buying products that she doesn't need, Marian tells her hairdresser that they can chose between her buying a bottle of conditioner and them receiving their tip after the blow dry is finished

    And this is where you need to have your answers ready, my amigos. The very best thing you can do is to lift your chin, meet his eye in the mirror and say scornfully: 'Home care? I never blow-dry my hair myself! My hairdresser comes to my house every morning at seven.'

    However, if you feel you can't manage to pull this off, there are a couple of alternatives. You can say: 'I use Frederic Fekkai.' (This is the most expensive hair range that I know of.) 'Admittedly, Elijah, it costs an arm and a leg, but it's worth it, right? I've just started using that overnight conditioner, the one that costs 195 a bottle, and I find it perrrrettty immmpressive.

    'In fact, Elijah, your own hair is looking a bit banjoed. You could do with some yourself. I've got a bottle here in my bag. I can give it to you for . . . let's say . . . 220?'

    Or you could say: 'I use Majestic Gold,' and Elijah will curl his lip and say: 'What?' (Because you've just made it up.) And you will say: 'Oh yes. It's from the United Arab Emirates. Next generation haircare. Miracle stuff. It's, like, literally the most expensive range on the planet.'

    Pause and give a little tinkle of a laugh. 'They use real gold in it. I hear they're starting to use it in -' And here you will mention the hairdresser's nearest rival.

    Or you can say: 'Elijah, you know and I know that my hair is fine. I know you're going to try to sell me an expensive conditioner. But, Elijah, here's how it is.

    'I have enough money to buy the conditioner or I have enough money to give you a tip.
    'But I don't have enough money to do both. It's up to you. You decide.'

    You must plump for one of these options. A stand must be taken. Or else when you go to the till, you'll find a little bag with rope handles waiting for you.


    You will be taken to a basin and a child who dreams of being paid the minimum wage will ask if you would like a head massage. You will say yes. The child will place their thumbs on to your skull and press twice. The massage is now over.


    It all depends. It might go OK. Elijah might do what you ask. Or he might not. It depends on how bitter he is that you didn't buy the conditioner.


    Elijah will fire an opening salvo by asking if you've been on holiday recently. You can shut things down fast by saying: 'I haven't been anywhere for a while. Not since they made me surrender my passport.'


    Be a good girl and take your medicine. Open up and let Elijah spray in a mouthful. Don't drag it out.


    You will stand up and expect Elijah to start untying bows. He won't. You will have to do it yourself


    When you go to the till to pay, the receptionist will say in a sing-songy casual way: 'Did you want to take any products at all?' And you will see the conditioner Elijah tried to flog you sitting there, gazing at you hopefully like a puppy in an abandoned dogs' home. Just say no. Again.


    Super casually, the receptionist will ask: 'When will I book you in for your next appointment?' Are you brave enough to say 'When hell freezes over'? I confess I haven't yet been, but I hope one day I will be.


    Finally, the receptionist will ask: 'What's your coat like?'
    'It's blue.'
    'Reeeeealllly? A blue coat? How . . . well . . . hysterical!' They'll disappear into a little cubbyhole where they'll eat a Twirl and check their texts.

    Some time later they'll re-emerge, swallowing down the last of their chocolate, and say: 'No blue coats.'

    They'll look at you as if you're a halfwit who can't even remember what they put on that morning.

    'But there must be. It has a hood -'
    'A hood?!'

    There will be a moment when you think: 'Why would I want a blue coat with a hood? Wouldn't I just be better leaving without it.' Stand your ground, I urge you. Stand your ground. Make them go back in.

    After a while, they'll come out dragging a rag along the floor. It will be your coat. Feigning astonishment that anyone would wear such a thing, they'll ask: 'Is this it?'

    Shame will have you teetering on a knife edge. You really will consider denying it and just running away. Don't. It is your coat. You bought it because you loved it. Don't abandon it. Accusingly, the receptionist will say: 'It was under a pile of other coats.'

    Do NOT apologise.


    The receptionist will stand behind you and pretend to help you into your coat, but in reality they will be pinching the armholes closed so you will flail around, as if you're doing the upright backstroke, wondering why you're so useless. Just take your coat from them and say: 'I'll do it myself.'

    There we are, I hope this hard-won experience is in some way helpful. May I just state again that I love my hairdresser, so obviously not all of them play power games.

    Marian Keyes on how to stop your hairdresser humiliating you | Daily Mail Online

Page 5 of 5 FirstFirst 12345

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. Advice needed - good haircuts for long hair
    By sputnik in forum Beauty and Skincare
    Replies: 24
    Last Post: October 13th, 2014, 09:14 PM
  2. Heather Mills Sued Over $5000 PER DAY Haircuts
    By A*O in forum Latest Gossip
    Replies: 201
    Last Post: January 24th, 2012, 03:05 PM
  3. The five best haircuts of all time
    By celeb_2006 in forum Beauty and Skincare
    Replies: 69
    Last Post: February 28th, 2011, 04:02 PM
  4. Yahoo gives you advice on how to copycat the worst haircuts in Hollywood
    By WhateverLolaWants in forum Laughs and Oddities
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: January 16th, 2011, 03:02 PM
  5. 100 ugly haircuts for a swamp hag, done to elevator jazz
    By Grimmlok in forum Laughs and Oddities
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: September 26th, 2009, 05:46 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts