Why can't British women get a man?
Because they are overweight, unkempt and lazy about grooming, says a screenwriter who's made it his business to date women on both sides of the Atlantic.
American-born Tad Safran - who spends his time in London and Los Angeles - says English women are stunning natural beauties when young, but they fail to rise to the challenge as they age and need to make more of an effort.
He complains that they don't take enough care of their appearance and fitness, and drink and eat too much.
When it comes to beauty, American women win hands down. Scroll down for more...
British women are 'lazy' when it comes to personal grooming (Bridget Jones, left) while American women (Carrie Bradshaw, right) take pride in their appearance
"In the iconic chick-flick Bridget Jones, the title character is a sad, lonely, overweight, posh-sounding chain-smoker in her thirties with a drinking problem and no dating prospects," he tells The Times.
"She then, one day, goes to a gym for an hour or two, spends £200 at TopShop, reads a self-help book and, lo and behold, she finds herself in the delightful position of having to decide between Hugh Grant and Colin Firth.
"Women of Britain: Bridget Jones's Diary is not a documentary. It's a work of fiction, a fairy tale."
Safran says American women will spend £350 a month on "beauty maintenance" (including hair, manicures and waxing) and an additional £500 on physical conditioning (including yoga and fitness training). On top of that, they go on occasional spa days and special fitness camps.
"I'm not sure any of my British female friends spends £700 during an entire year on her appearance."
He blames the failures of British women on friends not being honest with each other over their appearance, and mothers who do not teach women how to look after themselves. In America, women start going to spas in childhood.
Safran cites a recent dinner with his friend and his wife, who invited along a face from the past, named 'Sophie' to protect her real name.
Safran was friends with 'Sophie' 15 years ago and considered her a "truly beautiful" girl and was pleased when his friend's wife told him she hadn't changed at all and "still had the body of a 20-year-old".
However, Safran insists he was horrified by 'Sophie's current appearance, declaring if she did have the body of a 20-year-old, it was "dismembered in her freezer at home. She certainly didn't have it on her skeleton".
Safran was umimpressed with Sophie's presentation. He said: "'Sophie' tumbled into the house looking like a refugee from Hurricane Katrina. She smelt like the R&D lab at Philip Morris. Her outfit was about as sexy as half-pound of ground meat."
His shock continued when 'Sophie' tucked into a hearty meal of Shepherd's pie, which according to Safran, "no self-respecting American girl consumes carbohydrates after 2pm".
Even our celebrities can't get it right compared to the glamour of Hollywood.
Helena Bonham Carter was an example of an English rose, says Safran, but she is regularly photographed looking like "a bag of spanners".
You would never catch her American equivalent, Michelle Pfeiffer, with a hair out of place. Scroll down for more...
Michelle Pfeiffer is eight years older than Helena Bonham Carter, but looks all the better for it.
The one aspect of beauty that British women do care about is their shoes, he says. But, alas, while other women are impressed by footwear, men simply do not notice.
But it is not all bad news for British women. They do score higher than Americans in social skills.
Americans take themselves too seriously and are more grasping than British girls, who are the most self-reliant, uncomplicated and unflappable.
While British women appear to prefer the natural look and "are not obsessed with their looks", Safran claims American women spend more money on cosmetically enhancing themselves - but deny it.
British women are also renowned for having the best sense of humour, "the best of have a pint and a laugh with".
Their self-deprecating humour about their least favourite parts of their body is "incredibly endearing". But despite all the good qualities owned by British women, Safran says many men will fail to overlook the "all-important first impression" and wait to experience them.
| the Daily Mail