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Thread: Your Vagina Isn’t Just Too Big, Too Floppy, and Too Hairy—It’s Also Too Brown

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    Elite Member sputnik's Avatar
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    Default Your Vagina Isn’t Just Too Big, Too Floppy, and Too Hairy—It’s Also Too Brown










    Your Vagina Isn’t Just Too Big, Too Floppy, and Too Hairy—It’s Also Too Brown

    Good news, ladies! Society has discovered another new thing that's wrong with you, which means another opportunity for you to make yourself more attractive for your man. Score! Turns out, the color of your vagina is gross and everyone hates it. So bleach that motherfucker. Bleach it right now!
    In this commercial for an Indian product called Clean and Dry Intimate Wash, a (very light-skinned) couple sits down for what would have been a peaceful cup of morning coffee—if the woman's disgusting brown vagina hadn't ruined everything! The dude can't even bring himself look at her. He can't look at his coffee either, because it only reminds him of his wife's dripping, coffee-brown hole! Fortunately, the quick-thinking woman takes a shower, scrubbing her swarthy snatch with Clean and Dry Intimate Wash ("Freshness + Fairness"). And poof! Her vadge comes out blinding white like a downy baby lamb (and NOT THE GROSS BLACK KIND) and her husband—whose penis, I can only assume, is literally a light saber—is all, "Hey, lady! Cancel them divorce papers and LET'S BONE."


    [YOUTUBE]9Tx9vVVMWw0[/YOUTUBE]


    Needless to say, certain citizens are troubled by this product—which, in addition to just being fucking insane, brings up painful issues about the hierarchy of skin tone within the Indian community. As if it isn't bad enough that darker-skinned people are encouraged to stay out of the sun and invest in skin-bleaching products like Fair & Lovely, and that white actresses are being imported to play Indian people in Bollywood movies, now everyone has to be insecure about the fact that their vaginas happen to be the color that vaginas are??? Splendid! God, I was just saying the other day that my misogyny didn't have enough racism in it.
    So what are the pro-vadge-bleaching people thinking? Here's a hilarious explanation from a male ad exec:
    It is hard to deny that fairness creams often get social commentators and activists all worked up. What they should do is take a deep breath and think again. Lipstick is used to make your lips redder, fairness cream is used to make you fairer-so what's the problem? I don't think any Youngistani today thinks the British Raj/White man is superior to us Brown folk. That's all 1947 thinking!
    The only reason I can offer for why people like fairness, is this: if you have two beautiful girls, one of them fair and the other dark, you see the fair girl's features more clearly. This is because her complexion reflects more light. I found this amazing difference when I directed Kabir Bedi, who is very fair and had to wear dark makeup for Othello, the Black hero of the play. I found I had to have a special spotlight following Kabir around the stage because otherwise the audience could not see his expressions.
    See? It makes perfect sense. We just want our vaginas to reflect more light—is that so wrong? I mean, WHAT IF MY CAR BREAKS DOWN AT NIGHT AND I DON'T HAVE A REFLECTIVE ENOUGH VAGINA? Really, the ultimate one-vagina-to-rule-them-all would glow in the dark like one of those deep-sea fishes. I need my vagina to attract more krill so my husband will fuck me again! (My husband is a whale.)
    Basically the idea is to get as far away as possible from any color that vaginas actually come in. Because that's what's at the heart of this type of thinking—the perfect vagina would be something that's not a vagina at all.
    Your Vagina Isn't Just Too Big, Too Floppy, and Too Hairy—It's Also Too Brown
    I'm open to everything. When you start to criticise the times you live in, your time is over. - Karl Lagerfeld

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    Elite Member Brookie's Avatar
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    Well, gee, where can I stock up? Walgreens? eBay? Back of someone's car? Amazon? YourVagIsTooBrown.com?
    Life is short. Break the Rules. Forgive Quickly. Kiss Slowly. Love Truly.
    Laugh Uncontrollably. And never regret ANYTHING that makes you smile.

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    Elite Member McJag's Avatar
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    I doubt this will ever be a best seller, even in India.
    I didn't start out to collect diamonds, but somehow they just kept piling up.-Mae West

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    Elite Member KrisNine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by McJag View Post
    I doubt this will ever be a best seller, even in India.
    I thought that about asshole bleaching, but it's pretty mainstream here.

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    Elite Member darksithbunny's Avatar
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    Elite Member *DIVA!'s Avatar
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    Yup, mine is too brown!! And I love it that way! Thanks for trying to give me a vagina complex! But she serves her purpose and no one ever complains!!
    Baltimore O's ​Fan!

    I don''t know if she really fucked the board though. Maybe just put the tip in. -Mrs. Dark

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    Elite Member Grimmlok's Avatar
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    So indians hired white people to pretend to be indians who are embarrassed by their brown snatch?

    Makes sense.
    Gossiplover likes this.
    I am from the American CIA and I have a radio in my head. I am going to kill you.

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    Super Moderator twitchy2.0's Avatar
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    I love the way the brown just peels off. Like your skin if you use the product?
    As Canadian as possible under the circumstances

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    Elite Member Novice's Avatar
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    Bet the Kardashians are queuing up to buy this by the box load. Maybe they can get a toofer with anal bleach?
    Free Charmed.

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    Elite Member dallison's Avatar
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    When they come up with a product that stops mens' balls from sagging, I'll start worrying about products for my vagina.

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    Elite Member McJag's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dallison View Post
    When they come up with a product that stops mens' balls from sagging, I'll start worrying about products for my vagina.
    Good thinking. We should invent a ball bra and start giving men a scare.
    I didn't start out to collect diamonds, but somehow they just kept piling up.-Mae West

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    Elite Member Kat Scorp's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by McJag View Post
    We should invent a ball bra and start giving men a scare.
    Vouch. And by the way:

    WHAT IF MY CAR BREAKS DOWN AT NIGHT AND I DON'T HAVE A REFLECTIVE ENOUGH VAGINA?
    Has someone nabbed this for their signature yet, because I'm getting a little tired of LeAnn Rimes looking adoringly at her One True Love?
    What do we want?
    EVIDENCE BASED SCIENCE
    When do we want it?
    AFTER PEER REVIEW

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    Hit By Ban Bus!
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    Quote Originally Posted by KrisNine View Post
    I thought that about asshole bleaching, but it's pretty mainstream here.
    And I still don't understand the point of ass bleaching. It's not something I stare at, hoping it winks at me or something.
    dallison likes this.

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    Elite Member sputnik's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BoogsBun View Post
    It's not something I stare at, hoping it winks at me or something.
    then you're obviously doing it wrong.
    Osakan likes this.
    I'm open to everything. When you start to criticise the times you live in, your time is over. - Karl Lagerfeld

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    Elite Member louiswinthorpe111's Avatar
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    when will there be penis bleaching, eh?
    RELIGION: Treat it like it's your genitalia. Don't show it off in public, and don't shove it down your children's throats.

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