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Thread: The Perilous Lives of Women Who Wax Men's Balls

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    Elite Member witchcurlgirl's Avatar
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    Default The Perilous Lives of Women Who Wax Men's Balls

    Men! Even when they groom like women, they are pigs. Salon interviewed women who wax men's balls. One described a client get so turned on, she had to shoot him with a taser. Another said Christopher Hitchens is weirdly flexible.



    Salon's Jed Lipinski wrote about getting his first male Brazilian wax, which isn't revelatory in and of itself. (According to journalism, men have been getting Brazilians since 2007, when Newsweek and Christopher Hitchens wrote about it.) This, however, is: Wax technicians are still predominantly female, and even after they tear swathes of dense-packed hair from sensitive body parts, men are unable to distinguish their aestheticians from hookers. Jane Pham, bravest ball-waxer in America and the owner of San Jose's Ted D. Bear Salon, speaks truth:
    "Guys think that since they're naked, you're gonna give them head."
    Once, she was forced to taze a guy who wouldn't stop misbehaving. "He got really aggressive and kept insisting that I perform certain favors on him," she said. "So I tazed him in the thigh. He fell right off the table."
    Brandishing a can of scalding cream wax, she tells newcomers, "She who holds the wax holds the power!"

    Unfortunately, the kind of guy who gets turned on by a Brazilian wax probably doesn't mind getting tazed. Anyway, after the harrowing tales from Ted D. Bare, Lipinski tells the story of his own Brazilian wax. He got it from the same lady who waxed Christopher Hitchens' balls. (Her salon has tried to train male aestheticians to perform male waxes. "The boys had no finesse.") This leads to a second revelation about the difference between ball-waxers and hookers: Unlike prostitutes, ball-waxers kiss and tell.
    "What was Christopher Hitchens like?" I asked, trying to distract myself from the pain.


    She thought for a moment. "He was... flexible."


    "Physically flexible?"


    "Yes, that, but more mental. He is a big, handsome guy, but he has an open mind. When I have his legs in the air, we laugh about it. We talked about sensation. He made a lot of good questions. When he left, I said, 'Janea's waiting for you coming back!'"

    Moral of the Story, Part 1: Men! They are pigs who can't tell torture from foreplay.

    Moral of the Story, Part 2: Christopher Hitchens can totally hook his ankles behind his head.

    The Perilous Lives of Women Who Wax Men's Balls
    All of God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.


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    Elite Member MohandasKGanja's Avatar
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    Poor Christopher Hitchens is in rough shape these days....

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    Silver Member Doctora Pepper's Avatar
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    Great title. Isn't waxing supposed to be painful? And aren't balls really sensitive? People must get off on weird things. I remember that one episode of the Sopranos with the guy who wanted a girl to run a cheese grater on his penis.

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    Elite Member Kittylady's Avatar
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    It doesn't surprise me that the waxer had to tase a guy. There some men out there (thankfully in a minority) who think all women who work in any part of the beauty industry are willing to perform 'other' services. My mum used to be a hair stylist in a small unisex salon and she has told me some stories about the perverts who used to ask if 'extras' were available, as well as trying to touch up the woman cutting their hair and asking for full length capes instead of the short ones because they would try and masturbate while getting a trim. If that wasn't enough to put me off the idea of ever working in that field, the story she told me of the guy with the bleaching cap did...
    I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. Hunter S Thompson

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    Elite Member sputnik's Avatar
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    lol i know hitchens is kind of an asshole but i can't help but like him. and this only makes me like him more.
    that said, i think ball waxing is totally unnecessary.
    I'm open to everything. When you start to criticise the times you live in, your time is over. - Karl Lagerfeld

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    Elite Member Grimmlok's Avatar
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    men who wax their balls are total gaylords.

    sorry, but it's ridiculous.

    Manscaping is one thing, that shit is something else.
    I am from the American CIA and I have a radio in my head. I am going to kill you.

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    Elite Member cmmdee's Avatar
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    Ah, yes... a ball waxer. Just what I've always wanted to be since I was a little girl...

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    Elite Member sprynkles's Avatar
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    Have never seen or felt waxed balls. I can't remember ever thinking someone's ball were too hairy. What in thee hell?

    Meryl doesn't even try anymore. She just calls Lanvin and asks for curtains with a belt.~Bitter
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    Elite Member LaFolie's Avatar
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    Might as well have sex with a mannequin...

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    Elite Member Chalet's Avatar
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    I go here for eyebrows. I'm going to ask her about it next time.




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    A*O
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    The extreme pain is just another type of S&M shit that turns them on so being tazed is an added bonus
    I've never liked lesbianism - it leaves a bad taste in my mouth
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    Elite Member VenusInFauxFurs's Avatar
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    Back, crack and sack made me LOL. I think a courtesy trim is polite, but hairless balls is not appealing.
    When your daughter plays "House," she pretends to be an annoying doctor with a pill-addiction and a limp.

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    Elite Member Laurent's Avatar
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    I don't want a man that's better groomed at all times than I am. A waxed scrotum is too much pressure.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Grimmlok View Post
    men who wax their balls are total gaylords.

    sorry, but it's ridiculous.

    Manscaping is one thing, that shit is something else.

    Nope. Hairless balls are fantastic in my opinion so I think ALL men should be shaved as a rule

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    Elite Member McJag's Avatar
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    Hmm-if I give this as a Christmas present to Mr. McJ, wonder if he would go...
    I didn't start out to collect diamonds, but somehow they just kept piling up.-Mae West

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