I think Nicole genuinely wants a substantial relationship with those kids, and does the best she can, but she's up against her control-freak ex-husband and the cult that he belongs to.
I doubt that she has much authority over the kids because their father and the superiors in their cult are completely undercutting Nicole every chance that they get and telling Connor and Bella that she's a bad person because she's not "one of them." These are kids who are more than likely being urged by the church that they've grown up in to cut ties with their mother. Since they've never known anything else, I doubt that they realize Scientology is in fact not a legitimate religion, but a cult. I wouldn't be surprised if they take it pretty seriously. Who knows what kind of compromising information and outright lies Tom and David Miscavige (whom I strongly suspect is Tom's lover) are telling the children about Nicole? I doubt they have much respect for her or put much stock in her opinions and advice.
Every time that I've seen Nicole talk about her kids, she seems so filled with love and pride, but there's also a distinct sadness in her eyes. My parents are divorced, and I know that as long as we were minors, we were required to spend time with both parents. If Tom and Nicole had a similar agreement, which they probably did as (no matter how much Tom wanted to) it would be very difficult for him to deny Nicole visitation, Nicole is still getting those visits.
However, as soon as they hit 18, the kids are no longer required by law to spend time with her. I think Nicole is aware that at that point, CO$ will do everything in its power (including issuing threats to the kids) to keep them away from her, for fear of her influencing them to leave the cult.
I believe that Nicole is terrified that when Connor and Bella reach legal age, she'll never see or hear from them again. That would explain her strong desire to have more children who are not affiliated with Tom or the cult.
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