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A new book is causing a storm of controversy by labelling children as annoying and pointless - a charge made all the more inflammatory by the fact that its author is a mother. (I'd be more inclined to criticize if she weren't a mother, being that she wouldn't have any experience to speak from) Entitled No Kid: 40 Reasons Not To Have Children, Corinne Maier's book has sparked fury in France, where it was published.
Here, Corinne argues her "no kid" case while another mum, Ursula Hirschkorn, stands firm for parenthood.
Corinne Maier says children bring only pain, misery and expense
(At least she can't blame her kids for having a looking like the witch from Hansel and Gretel. Yep, it all fits now. She hates kids, has a candy house....)
Corinne Maier, 43, a writer, who lives with her boyfriend Yves, 45, a psychiatrist, daughter Laure, 13, and son Cyrille, 10, in Brussels, argues her case.
Children are just too much work. They just aren't worth the hassle. Parents today are put under so much pressure to bring up perfect children, but what's the point?
(Procreation?)
They are just walking problems to which you constantly have to find solutions.
(Such is life)
The world is in the grip of baby mania, with celebrities flaunting their pregnant bellies in magazines, live births on TV and everyone demanding the right to have a baby at any cost.
To be a la mode, the must-have accessory is a baby.
If you can't make your own, then a whole business has sprung up to service your needs and now as long as you've got the cash, you can buy IVF, eggs, sperm or even children.
Anyone who dares to be different and suggest that being child-free is the better option is vilified as immature or selfish.
(Since when?)
It's a brave woman who will stand up for her right not to have children.
(...and an even braver woman still who will go so far as to suggest that woman who want to have children are crazy)
Let's start at the beginning with my first reason for being anti-children: labour is torture.
(so is looking at your face, but it is an unavoidable part of life for most of us)
Even with anaesthetic it's the worst pain you'll ever feel. Anyone who tells you it will be a beautiful experience is lying. It's more like that scene from the film Alien, where the monster bursts from an astronaut's stomach.
(Oh wow, calling people liars because they disagree, good move)
Then there's breastfeeding. Everyone tells you breast is best, but no one tells you it hurts like hell. If you opt out and bottle-feed you're made to feel guilty for "going against nature".
(technically it is but I personally don't care what anyone else does or doesn't do with their boobs)
Get over these early hurdles and you hit the big one: how to keep your child amused and happy.
(how about cracking a smile every once in a while, it might help)
This will fast become one of your most hated jobs. The moment you give birth you can forget leisurely lie-ins, last-minute trips or a spontaneous roll in the hay with your partner.
(Where did this bitch get the memo that life is supposed to be 100% wonderful)
Instead, your weekends revolve around being woken at the crack of dawn to traipse around the zoo or watch minimum wage actors cavort in cartoon costumes at Disneyland; sitting through stupid kids' films and eating in "child friendly" restaurants. In my opinion this alone is reason enough not to have a child.
(Some people actually find these things fun...)
But perhaps the weekends aren't so bad when you look at the monotony that is the life of a working mother.
Your career is on hold in a dull job, because it's the only way you can get out of work on time to pick up your children from school or take a day off when they get sick.
I stayed for years in a job that bored me - as an economist - just so I could get out early to pick my children up.
(It really is a shame that public opinion has brainwashed her into getting knocked up and FORCING her to care about someone other than herself)
I worked all day, and then came home to shopping, cooking, cleaning and hours of homework, and all so my kids could treat me like a maid. It was so boring.
(Here's a hint, don't let your kids treat you like a maid and teach them responsibility instead of blaming them for your own misery.)
Being a working mum is like being in prison, but there's no time off for good behaviour and no electronic tags you can wear for a brief trip back to the freedom you've given up for your offspring.
...
I found the hardest thing to give up when I had my children was my personal freedom.
(...to be a bitter hateful woman? I guess not.)
There is no time left to be you any more. If I hadn't had them, I would have spent my money travelling the world. I could enjoy my money, rather than being stuck at home waking them up every day in time for school.
(well, maybe you should of thought of this before you spread your legs, dumbass. What the fuck did you think parenthood was going to be?)
Once you have children, there is no space for spontaneity any more. We tried to go to an art exhibition last weekend which we'd been looking forward to for ages, but we had to take the kids along and they hate art.
(so? tell them to STFU?)
They whined so much that we gave up and left without seeing anything.
(That is where this thing called discipline comes in)
If you thought your friends would help you get through parenthood, then you've got another thing coming. When your friends have children, conversation shrinks to how "Oscar's using the potty now" or "Alice slept the whole night".
Nothing is more mind-numbingly boring than "mummy talk".
Make no mistake, bringing up children is war, and you're on the losing side.
Every time you plan a little escape they will undermine you. Just as you are off to bed with your partner, they'll throw up; the one night you book a babysitter they'll come down with a fever; on your birthday they'll throw a tantrum as you're stepping out of the door - you just can't win.
(God forbid that your kids get sick and your forced to care for them!)
Perhaps this is why children are such effective passion killers. Take my advice, if you want to stay together, avoid baby-making.
What hope is there of a fulfilling sex life when a woman is forced to turn into a fat, deformed animal decked out in sack-like dresses?
(Don't assume that just because you're a JBF, everyone else is)
Far from the beautiful images on the front of magazines, the ugly reality usually means a long cold spell between the sheets.
(Possibly because you don't wipe the scowl from your face EVER or take showers?)
Even once the baby is born, nights punctuated by feeds and a crying baby leave you so exhausted that any thawing in that department is a long way off.
As you bid adieu to your sex life, your relationship is quick to follow. You go from being a couple to being Mummy and Daddy.
Your job as a parent comes first, and the romance in your lives is replaced by DIY and dusting.
Now, my boyfriend Yves and I are parents first and a couple second. Our relationship hasn't been the same since we had children and I miss the romance.
Of course, millions of parents will read this and get all defensive and think that it's all worth it because those angels of theirs are sweethearts. But they're not: they're little savages.
Is your child an angel or a savage?
Just think back to your own childhood - the playground was a bear
pit where children were bullied and toys stolen.
Things haven't changed and little children are just as unpleasant and annoying as they ever were, except that as a parent you're not even allowed to fight back now.
I was in the library with my son when he was younger and he was playing up. He was getting on my nerves and annoying everyone, so I gave him a slap to make him behave, but then everyone looked at me as if I were a bad mother.
(Maybe because you have NO IDEA how to be a mother)
Modern parents' hands are tied. While there is pressure to produce perfect children, you no longer have any power to say no to them, so you're more likely to produce perfect brats.
(Plenty of people produce perfectly lovely children.)
Sometimes a slap is the only way to explain something to a child.
If you've disagreed with me up to this point and you still think you can cope with the emotional cost of a child, then perhaps you should consider the financial one.
Kids cost a fortune. First the family car and the house, then there's basics like food and clothes, and that's before they start pestering you for the latest toy.
(traveling costs a lot of money too...)
A lot of people decide to have children to build a family around themselves, as a refuge from the world so they won't be lonely and will be loved for who they are.
Certainly, I often wonder why I had children. I think it was because I am an only child I thought I would be less alone if I had a family. Now I've learned that being in a family can bring a new kind of loneliness.
People often ask me what my children think of the book, but they don't give a damn.
They live in their own world and I live in mine. I would never give my daughter advice on whether she should have children. I don't care if I have grandchildren or not, but I know that if I do, I don't want to look after them too often.
(Your kids are so going to go Menendez on your ass)
The idea of a cosy picture postcard family is fantasy and the whole "loving family gathered around the Christmas tree" image is a lie.
More murders and child abuse happen within families than outside them - every family is a nest of vipers: all the more reason not to add to your own.
(Funny because this is a lot like emotional abuse to your children)
Even if you are savvy enough to realise that having children won't add up to having the perfect family, another parent trap is believing that it's OK to put off your dreams in the hope that your kids will fulfil them.
But if you have no children you are free to make your own dreams come true now, surely a more attractive option.
If you can't bring yourself to give up on the idea of children as your future, what future do you see for them?
Financial and job security are things of the past, housing is beyond expensive, the planet is suffering from over-population - do you still think it's such a good idea to bring yet another baby into this world?
They could end up being your problem for the rest of your life. What a prospect.
Instead of pitying the child-free, we should be envying them, I know I do. Because as a mother-of-two I know better than most why having children is a big mistake.
This woman is absolutely disgusting. I am more than happy to celebrate any person's right to choose whatever life they want for themselves, but just because this woman chose WRONG doesn't mean she should attempt to completely undermine motherhood.
I feel awful for her kids, they'd be better off with someone else.
I haven't even gotten to the second chick yet but from what it looks like she's at the opposite end of the BS spectrum.