[Lani]

I think anorexia is a form of addiction. Its not about food or body image or any on thing in particular, its a whole lot of stuff and the inability to deal with any of it. Its a way to get control in a life that feels out of control. Its obsessive compulsive. Its like someone who cuts themselves open. Its not suicide, its a cry for help before it gets to that point.

I have to admit, when I was at my lowest weight, in hospital. I just wanted to die. I wanted the pain to stop. I wanted it all to be over. Its an emotional and mental death. The brain switches off and you become unable to really..live. You become the walking dead. Starve the body, starve the mind.

So yeah after all thoes rambles, it really is a form of suicide, just really long and really torturous and in many ways worse then suicide because of that.