[buttmunch]

Suri Holmes Cruise was born last night, as if you didn't know it. The baby of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, conceived two months after they met one year ago, was named Suri, Cruise said in a release, "taken from the Hebrew."

This makes sense, since Cruise is a non-practicing Catholic, who became a Scientologist. To get the name Suri, you actually have to subscribe to Kabbalah, a very distant offshoot of Judaism.

Suri would really be Sarah, except Kabbalah — as it is now taught to celebrities — is all about taking letters and making new words out of them.

Madonna did it on her last tour. Suri is derived from Sarah mathematically. But Sarah, wife of Abraham, mother of Isaac, as some have suggested, is described as the only woman in the Bible who laughed.

Let's hope Suri's life is full of laughter, and that she's raised in a normal environment with lots of opportunities to become the person she wants to be. It's a long shot, but today, after all, is actually the first day of the rest of her life.


Let's also hope her baby pictures aren't auctioned off to a celebrity magazine and that she isn't trotted out for any movie premieres. Indeed, the triple screening run of "Mission: Impossible 3" premieres in two weeks in New York.

Roger Friedman/411

Notice the statement I bolded? Sounds like a long gestation period to me. And I bet anything he trots Katie out with the kid strapped to her chest in a Baby Björn at the MI3 premier. Or else he'll be flashing pictures and recieving 'messages' from 'Katie'. I thought last year was great watching this crazy midget go round the bend but I have a feeling this is going to be a bumper year for Tomthumb nuttiness. Ok boys in the white coats, look lively and prepare the padded room.