[Gen X EJC]

Nicole is still a teenager, guys, give her a break. When you're that age you're still trying to deal with your own shit, let alone figure out what's going on in the rest of the world. That said, Nicole, it is not cool to wish rape on anyone. We can never know what hell other people live in, no matter how lucky they seem.

To the point: how someone dresses isn't going to encourage a RANDOM rape, no. But most rapes are NOT random. They are familial rape or date/associate rape. And date rape can be rationalized to men if they think the girl was 'encouraging them'.

I think the problem is that we don't delineate the differences between consensual sex, non-consensual sex, and semi-consensual sex. Rapes that are semi-consensual (i.e. the victim knows the rapist, is dating or married to them, has engaged in other sensual activity with them, etc.) are just as damaging emotionally as non-consensual (random) rapes. But the power and control issues of random rape are not as easy to point out in semi-consensual rapes. There are a host of other important issues entering into those relationships as well. And unfortunately, we will never know how much of the attack was caused by what the victim wore, where they went, how much they drank, how much the attacker drank, what issues the attacker had, social pressure from other males, etc - because each of those attacks is completely specific to a situation and can't be 'profiled' like a random rape.

I think it's problematic for us as women to deny that semi-consensual rapes do exist and do have some elements of choice by the victim. We can all minimize the chances of being in a situation where date/associate rape can occur. There are times when one can dress in a provocative way and be perfectly safe. There are other times, however, like if one is alone with a teenage boy in one's underwear - where you can say, dumb decision on her part. I sincerely hope that nothing COMES from that bad decision, but I can still recognize that it was a) her decision and b) stupid considering the circumstances. That is in no way DEFENDING rape. That is recognizing the reality of rape and sexual violence - which is that sexual violence happens to an astonishing majority of women at some time in their life and is statistically much more likely to happen at the hands of someone they know. It's a complex issue.

But the fantasy that women can dress however they want and act however they want with absolutely no consequences is just that: a fantasy. It is not a reality. You may WISH it were a reality. But it's not. So it pays to be safe for yourself and the people you care about. I don't JUDGE women who aren't safe and heighten their risk factors, I still have sympathy for them, but I sincerely hope that they can learn how to be safer and better to themselves in every way. I mean, even one less rape today means a better world tomorrow. And semi-consensual rapes are the ones we as women have the most control over.